Wake up call

Its not that I don't like waking up at 5:30, it is simply that I don't like staying awake for the day with such an early start time. My eyes feel sandy, lids heavy, squinty. My kids are still trying to figure out their sleep schedules after last weekend's up with the sun camping. They went to bed at more typical times last night, but they are both up and at 'em much earlier than usual. This is only problematic because their mother has a difficult time of adjusting to early rising. Seriously. How do people do this? I so sleepy...

And yesterday I was totally crabby and got mad at my sil for washing her coffee cup instead of leaving it for me to wash later with the other dishes. Truthfully. I said, running my hands through my hair "Ugh. Its so ANNOYING!" Then went to my room (Suvi following me with her cheery baby self. She totally knew I was stressed and didn't want to leave me alone to flop around in a puddle of pity. Suvi is so smart.) to hang my head in shame. I had to live with my obnoxiousness for 13 hours until sil came home from her day. Before she got back here I apologized via text. TEXT! I was dreading her return. I figured she'd be packing her bags and never speak to me again. Theo and I were busy coloring in the dining room when sil got home. Habtamu yelled out a warning from the living room (or maybe to tell Theo, more likely), so my sheepishness and nervousness culminated as I made my way to the living room. Sil laughed at me and she said, "I didn't even count that. I know you are stressed." I cried. I actually cried out of embarrassment and shame. At least she's not moving out.

Meanwhile, the kids are UP and I am really looking forward to nap time, and reacquainting myself with my pillow.

Wonderful weekend...

...and we are wiped out! We camped at William O'Brien. Perfect weather. Campfire. Walking. Beautiful Music! Reconnecting. Aah.

We tented it amongst the Trailers. The kids did great. Poor Suvi was cold the first two nights, we didn't figure it out til the third night. Well, I was thinking she might be cold the second night, but in the dark, I just couldn't find her little fleecy cozy suit. Sweetie pie was a trooper. Theo found a boulder along the walking path next the river--his favorite part of the weekend. Although when Habtamu asked T what he liked best, he said "Doggie pee." Oh man. What a boy we have! Uncle Tim is so good with both the kids, and Theo might be his biggest fan. Every morning Theo would ask for Tim as he looked towards The Johnson's camper. (we nylon tenters wake earlier than those hard-side, fancy pants trailer campers.) My Mom drove down on Saturday afternoon...she loves a good couple of nights in the great outdoors. She helped chase Suvi and Theo and kept them entertained with stroller rides and walks to the "bafroom", as Theo says. We got to enjoy the talents of Maria and Marcelo--they played guitar and sang around the fire two nights in a row! What a weekend. Sigh

{video removed}

Thinking of an escape to the great outdoors in the setting of a state park campground I have to laugh. We live in a nice little neighborhood here in town, but your neighbors are even closer when you are camping. Thankfully we were sandwiched by friends M&M on one side and my sister Mari and her husband Tim (with Emma and Bob, their four-legged furry babies). Some friends came for a visit Sunday afternoon--Theo's best friend Jimmy is 14, a great kid, who is really patient and totally boy funny.

Yes, I loved the weekend. And I love that Suvi will obediently spit out any rocks she has rolling around in her mouth upon request. (No handfuls of sand like her brother did in the U.P. last summer :) And I love that they have both been sleeping for hours now that we are home and out of the weather. Beautiful weather, perfect weather. Being outside for four days makes me enjoy my house more than I did 5 days ago.

us guys

Theo likes to climb on the back of the couch when I'm sitting there.
She is resisting our matching hairdo's, my Suvi girl

Imagine yourself as a DVD player, where would you be hiding? I CANNOT find ours and it is bugging me! I don't know if I hid it really well, if it got moved accidentally, if my husband "cleaned" and it is in a bag somewhere... Last night I totally removed everything from the upstairs closet in search of this thing. I've been thinking about re-stacking the stuff in that closet (it was hastily jam-packed before my sister-in-law moved in) for quite a while now, so I'm glad I was able to weed a few things out of there (thrift store delivery tonight), but the DVD player wasn't in there. Hmm. The frightening part of this mystery, is that it could be in our basement. Oh My Word. Have you ever been down there? Ick. Serious re-stacking is in order down there, or dis-order, if you will. And will you? Just take a few hours to sort out the trash from my treasured mementos. I'll make lunch. And if you find the DVD player, I'll make you dessert, too.

Sisters' Sunday/Sweet Scootin'

where to go

what if 35 years ago, your government had a change in leadership, and you had to leave your home, your actual house, with your wife and young children, and live closer to your work, but in a much more congested area? And then, what if, after you've been living in that house for going on 4 decades, that government, one you haven't supported, EVER, which, coincidentally also fired you from your job because you didn't agree with their corruption and immoral leadership, gave you notice that your home will be demolished. And you must give them A LOT of money to get the deed to your home, before they knock it down. And what if a different country's government, the strongest country in the world, continues to give financial aid to your disheveled ruler, because they are an "ally", won't let you in. if that were the case, if you were losing your home, where would you go?

We love coffee and tulips

and belly buttons in the sunshine!

redo

i want one

just ease back the tape
once more
.
.
.
.
reshape the fabric
respect the grain
repeat the pattern
relive the moment

i want a redo

"one and one and one is three..."

baby mama-hey!

at the park

ponies

salon

happy mother's day.

it's the most difficult, exhausting, humbling, thrilling, joyous, rewarding job i've held, or could even dream of. love being a mama. love those babies, and my baby daddy, too.

What a wonder is a Mommy and Motherhood. To my dear Mama, and to all you fellow Mamas, and to you Hot Mamas, enjoy this day!

boot straps.

sometimes you just have to pull yourself up by your own boot straps.
dang. i don't really know what they are!!!!!

i hope that doesn't mean I'll be wallowing down here in the mud hole until I figure it out!

hmph.

i sort of feel like i am operating with a false front. at work, the salon program is too old for our computer, so we have to operate in a false application. it totally does the trick, but i would like to get the (expensive) software upgrade and a new computer. it'd look good and work faster. but it actually really meets our needs as is.

i've been thinking a lot recently, and it is tough. ha, ha. i've been thinking about myself again, in a critical manner (critiques are not inherently negative, unless they are mine about me of late), and more specifically how i feel about others' opinion of me. i want you to like me. i want to be your best friend. i want you to be my gayle king (yes, i can be oprah). or a little carrie, miranda, samantha, charlotte action.

i think this weirdness is related to these other things:

• when i am traveling, it is not okay to pull the map out in the middle of a busy walkway, city center, shopping area, and debate about where the "you are here" area should be at the moment.


• i would like to blend in, please.


• when i was in school i liked sitting at the back, so i could watch the other students from afar (but not in beauty school, after i was there a few weeks), and be less available to the instructor.


• or close to the door.


• sometimes i get embarrassed when i realize a person hasn't rated me the same way i have rated them--i want us to like (or dislike) each other equally. what if i like you more than you like me?


• i love kicking around a soccer ball, but i never did growing up, because i wasn't good like the other girls. i do it with my husband and theo, tho, because they love me :)

HELLO? are you listening, self? to this bull crap? what is up, for crying out loud. (where does that phrase come from?) remember stewart smalley (we DID have a tv growing up, and i still have one, and i DO like it)? i'm good enough, and dog gone it, people like me. (if you get a pep talk, or pep read, please, include me.)

my dear friend, the girl who told me all about meep, knows that i love/used to love to say, "get real and get with it." Umm...yeah. that would be good about now.
JENNIFER, LET IT ALL GO.

sigh.

i might be back, to get more off my chest.

it didn't take long.
i remembered my earlier encumbrance. i really want to be a good mom. (what mother doesn't?) and the thing about that desire that is bugging me is that i want other people to think i am a good mom. but i don't want them to tell me. and i don't want you to tell me whether you think i am in the comment section now. pats on the back and congratulations on my mothering rockstarness isn't what i am really looking for, and those kind of props here just feel weird. i appreciate the positive comments that you have made on earlier posts, i am sure they were words of reassurance and encouragement. some came, those 'good mom' comments, with posts where i felt like i was giving a wink when i wrote of being the 'bad mom'. it makes me chuckle.
i don't feel very cohesive in my writing at the moment, but i am starting to feel better. a little less in my head. i'm thinking 'perception and intention' again.

i do feel like i am keeping myself together enough with the kids this week, enjoying them, but there is some piece of my headball missing, the... hmm... self-concept is a bit saggy or foggy-temporarily. its that false application thingy. but my needs are basically being met as is, I just want to look good and work faster. and i suppose, write myself up by my keyboard/boot straps.

i googled bootstraps.