ethiopifinn

something to share

2012-02-16T10:23:00.000-06:00

Yesterday a dear, dear, darling, smart, beautiful friend shared some good news with me. With her story, she reminded me that God does indeed have a hand in our lives. I'll let her share her story if she chooses, but she emailed me a couple links so I could better understand what is happening in her world. Because I am a clicker and blog hopper, I came upon this wonderful letter. I hope you take time to click over and read. Remember with me that life's challenges are never truly unbearable for the faithful.

I love you my dear friend! This is the first time I am happy that you live where you live and not next door to me. And...congratulations on your new job, too!

...

PLUS, the sun she is a-shining today. While yesterday I was a bit introverted, today I would love to have someone over to share this coffee and these cinnamon rolls.
Be good to each other, be kind to YOU!

oh, you didn't know?/i finally got a library card

2012-02-15T21:13:00.002-06:00

Yes. I really AM that nuts.

Some of my crazy was revealed today, all because I am a terrible liar. I was invited to go visiting during preschool. Two people invited us, actually, but I declined both of them. One decline was a true spacey moment for me-I received a text while I was driving and by the time I parked it had vanished from my mind, and the other, well...I just.couldn't.go.

Theo was invited to go play after preschool at his 4th cousins house. (ha, ha. aside from my ma and siblings & their lots, we really don't have any extended family from our church. my grandparents sort of lost touch with the church, so my aunts and uncle do whatever they do, while my mommy was converted as a teenager. anyway...) I was planning to just get over my anxious hesitations, but Theo got scared and told me he didn't want to go to Aric's house. After I dropped him at preschool in Timbuktu, I called to cancel with Aric's mom. I could have still gone to visit, Suvi and Judah would have loved it, but it was too much for me. WHY? I really, really like Aric's Mom, and so, next time, I WILL make Theo and his MOM stick to the plan.

The cancelling and the forgetting, while unfortunate, is somewhat usual for me. I have learned how to sort of let the pain of it go. There are plenty of times when it wouldn't have felt overwhelming to go have a visit at someone's house, and there will be more invites. I hope! ;) But, the uncomfortable thing is...I was tapped by the other mom's at pick-up time. The texter outed me. So Naughty!! I just wanted to make some nice casual chatter while Theo got his stuff together, but once I was outed, then I admitted that I just sort of... drove around for 2 hours. What. As if you haven't ever just gone for a drive. "You could have stayed here!" "Why didn't you just come over!" And one of the Mom's had a terrible look of confusion or pity on her face, like a 'what in the world?' kind of look.

I should have just LIED. Or said, "Thank you. I am not feeling so hot, but I would love to do it another day."

Would you like to know what kind of "errands" were done in that time? The car got a fill-up at the edge of town, then we left Watertown for Long Lake, where I got coffee for me, doughnuts and milk for the kids (from 'super' gas station). We parked over at the church to make a little car picnic. There. That's not so bad, is it?

Have you ever had to awkwardly tell on yourself? Reveal some of your nutserness? Tell me. Make me feel better, because misery loves COMPANY! Unless, of course, misery is feeling frazzled and can't love company.

the letters for the preschoolers today: MN

Gram gave a scooter to Theo. He hasn't loved his bike, so she thought he might enjoy 'scootin' on their trips to the park. Suvi usually rides her trike...there has been a lot of competition for the scooter here in the last 24 hours...;)

.......

I've been thinking about the library...you know, you can just go there and get books? for free? serious. Fa-ree! We brought seven books home with us today. And did you know you have to check your books out yourself? So many things have changed in the eight or so years since I have been a patron. I am excited to go back solo. I'd like to read something that isn't about superheroes or busytown.

check yes or no

2012-02-14T16:13:00.000-06:00

i choose YES! i choose love, i choose you.

i made some balentimes on the piknic. i don't even care if you need to swipe them from me. i mailed them to some friends, but they didn't find the post office until this morning. so, happy valentine's WEEK.

i love red and pink and purple and so valentine's cards are like a huge festival of goodness and wonderful colors for me. hearts ROCK!

well, here's love in your eye!

masks, quirks, ticks.

2012-02-11T16:00:00.000-06:00

first, i am keeping up with my month of letters. have any of you been mailing sweetness, too?
...
so, what does it mean? i had a dream about alec baldwin. he was sassy.
...
you know that feeling you get when you put on a halloween mask? it makes you giggle, and you try to become this creature to bring to life the mask. you might even disguise your body, to keep your anonymity. but then, you get sweaty and the mask starts to smell a little weird, and once someone has pinned you with your real name, you feel the cool relief of removing the false front. your cheeks are probably flushed, your hair a bit matted, your neck hot, but you feel so good. spending four days with deanna was just like that. i was completely free to be myself, nutser or not.

a good friend just takes the quirks and ticks in stride. a good friend is more 'whole picture' than 'this moment'. 'this moment' is good, too, and a dear friend can swing a 'this moment' kind of conversation, tear, or inappropriate outburst because they are actually 'big picture' elements. there is such true-ness in confiding in your girlfriend who has heard and seen your a to z's, in telling her the thoughts your dare not breathe life into in front of anyone else. she'll even get all dressed up and take you to the dive burrito place you've been craving and then change into yoga pants and build a fire so the two of you can get to the business of serious laughter under the light of the moon.

SO RIGHT! SO GOOD! SO NEEDED!

So, when is the next girlfriend get-away?!!!

how do i look? refreshed? relaxed? romanced?

2012-02-07T13:59:00.000-06:00

I am the proud owner of a sane mind. My darling mother gave me some ging for Christmas, I promptly spent it. All of it. It supplemented our January income, and purchased a ticket to Phoenix. For four glorious days & nights I hogged a queen size bed, talked non-stop, played on an ipad, laughed, vented, cried, colored hair, tried some gluten-free bread (once), slept in every single day, stayed up late every single night, stared down 2 bonfires, took pictures of every cactus, enjoyed a movie, ate cake & ice cream, and more than one peanut butter sandwich a day. Honestly? I absolutely felt spoiled the entire time. And, I only cried for missing my kids on the first day. To top it all off? Habtamu had a bouquet of red tulips for me in the car. YOU ARE LOOKING AT ONE HAPPY CAMPER, RIGHT HERE.

we drove out to superstition mountain(s?)

stocked up on nutritious food at fry's. like cake. and ice cream. that i didn't share.

deanna built a fire. friday night and sunday night.

she has a drawer for coffee filters. just coffee filters. and she pretty much just has coffee for guests.

do know your direction?

the back garden at the home she rents.

Wonder Woman!

2012-01-30T20:40:00.000-06:00

I made a little costume for Suvi. The kids have been super into super heroes lately. It's fun to see them playing together. I love it when they decide Judah is the bad guy!

When the man comes around

2012-01-29T10:30:00.000-06:00

"Multitudes are marching to the big kettle drum...it's Alpha and Omega's kingdom come!" I've mentioned my fondness for Johnny Cash. Ooh! I wish that I could have sat on a couch with him for an afternoon and soaked up his essence. Totally a fantastical and juicy 'what if' I love to enjoy in my wide expanse of an imagination.
Theo is at Sunday school. Suvi and Judah and I are camped out in the sunshine at the lake. Of course, we are in the car listening to Johnny Cash, because it's a balmy 12 degrees. I love to park here at the beach, even in winter, to enjoy the openness of the lake. To our right is a nice big pile of Christmas trees...I don't think they ever made it inside to get decorated and dressed up for Santa. They are here now in a heap- JUST FOR ME!
I gotta get back to church in time to grab the back row...it's been a while since Judah has been to church. He gets a little spunky. Hope your Sunday is as sunny and sparkly as can be!

i don't want to rush through life

2012-01-27T10:12:00.000-06:00

but i cannot wait for february!!!!!

a picture of me

2012-01-23T18:52:00.001-06:00

I've been wanting to address depression here again, I mean really dive into what it is for me, and what things about it totally suck, and how I just don't think it's all bad. What? Depression getting a bad rap? Well, yeah.

Certainly, there are things about my depression that are really detrimental to me and my family. Crabby, bitchy, touchy, angry, tired, sleepy, eaty...none of these are good. The medication takes an edge off the cranky part, but now I am really starting to understand and see my own need for talk therapy. My dear friend has been so encouraging since I acknowledged this melancholy in me, and announced for all the interwebs to see. She has reached out to me about her own experience, without taking away the truth of my own walk.

Depression can't define me, but it is part of my make up. Honestly, I feel much more fueled creatively when my chest is full of that angsty-emotiony stuff, than when I am feeling calm inside. I enjoy those cool, calm, refreshing times, but part of me likes the gray. It's when I can feel everything. I can see happiness, recognize it with certainty, I can know what and whom I love most, I can see life's layers. I can write.

Is it good to fall asleep on the couch so often? Nope. Is it good to feel disgust at myself and others who look like me? Nuh-uh. If I focus on depression under the microscope of illness, then I need to be cured. Bacteria or virus or chemical imbalances washed from me. If it were possible to attack depression, major depression is how my chart reads, then wouldn't it be better to simply check in to North Memorial, get my IV, and be done with it? If it is that my synapses are not completing, that a medicine could bridge and heal, like a new knee or hip, then I WOULD HAVE MADE IT HAPPEN. If it were just a matter of medicating, dude, I'd be a-walkin' on sunshine every stinkin' day.

It's not gone because I am not gone. I am here, and some days are good and life is doable, and some days are a challenge and mucky. Maybe, when I stop looking for the easy fix, I will realize that I am indeed not broken. I'm a shapeshifter is all. I need my sensitivities. I need my depth and wealth of feeling. I need my trials just as much as I need my celebrations and joys. They are interdependent.

I wanted to find some images from others that would show you how I feel. This one made me want to leap into the computer and touch her back, feel the energy in that room, see the butterflies moving.

source

The exit point of the light and butterflies is where someone once told me we hold our sorrow in our back. Opposite to our heart.

source (above and below)

I searched self portraits on Etsy. I feel like this sometimes, too, like i am sticking my head in a huge swirling stack of color. Where IS this, I'd like to know. The first photo from Taraville caught my eye as a thumbnail. I went through my search results and just started opening tabs of the first pieces to speak to my eyeball. When I took a second look, I first noticed her sock is a little twisty, and the room she is in is so tidy (my room never isn't stuff-ish), her mattresses are on the floor-not a frame, the windows and trim are old and lovely. My next thought was, "Right? Why wouldn't she offer this photo, this self-portrait!? Is that really the camera she is using, or is she playing a trick on us? It made me smile. (I live with depression, and sometimes I do smile. Oooh. Freaky, huh?)

source

See what I mean about life's layers? BEAUTIFUL.

Last week I posted a list of things I wanted to accomplish. I could post the same list again, but I won't. What I'll do is know that the only lists that really work for me are shopping lists. It was difficult for me to put pressure on myself get something, anything really, done. What I do is, start and finish something when I start and then finish it. Deadlines are exactly that to me: not breathing. I wanted to write this post for two weeks, but there was some chaos inside about the daily life and what I should be doing, so the list squished up this post and made it unrecognizable to me. Which, consequently, totally de-activated my do-er. I hadn't even picked up my little camera attol (at all). I was fogging up my own lens.

Now, just sit back, relax, and watch me go, or not go, depending on which way the wind is blowing.

faces of me/my self portrait

what a day

2012-01-23T09:01:00.001-06:00

I found this music {Is This Love--The Gabe Dixon Band} (bob marley cover. love) this morning by doing a little link-and-click-ing. so fun. first i went here, which led me here, which is where i was introduced to Gabe Dixon. What a fun start to my day.

Happy Monday, fun lovers. Peace!

p.s. we, me & habenero, have been marry-ed now for seffen years and one day.
I LOVE YA, SUGAR BOOGER!

nuts

2012-01-19T23:35:00.015-06:00

it's a two scarf kind of night
i told deanna, earlier, that if i had nuts, i'd surely be freezing them off tonight
it's no°
hab put frosting on the kids noodles tonight while i was at work. he thought it was butter
i have burst out laughing no less than 4 times in the hour and a half since he told me
at least 30 minutes before he told me about the frosting, he said, the kids didn't want to eat anything tonight
bahahahahahaaaaahha!
i rinsed them off and they tasted just fine (the noodles. i rinsed and tasted the noodles)
i think the thoughts are starting to get unstuck from my headball
here's hoping for a fabulous friday!

and, um, remember this list from monday?

~~finish cleaning our upstairs~~

cut out the fabric for the purse i am imagining

eat lots of salad and fruit

sleep more solid chunks of sleep

finish addressing the cards to my clients

ya. ah, i guess i am going to be busy tomorrow. lots of fruit eating and card addressing and fabric cutting to do. and i'll go work on that sleep one right now.

so here's hoping for an industrious friday!!

pizza blocks

2012-01-17T23:19:00.000-06:00

source

i took some time in finding this image of abc blocks. so much time, in fact, i don't remember how they were going to be the 'building blocks' for this post!

oh yes. here it is: i have writers block.

i have a few posts that are way s.t.u.c.k. in the back of my head. it is as if i can feel them back there holding on to my brain stem, so as not to be brought to the top of my head and then onto the screen. i want to write about good and bad. i want to write about filters. i want to write about friendship. i want to write about my children and motherhood, and how all of these things are linked together. i want to wonder about weak adrenals, and why depression is so scary, and that people run from it. scary, big, wonderful heady thoughts. they are all linked up together--like calcification, clogging the arteries of my thinkering.

you know what? i have been eating some bad high-fat foods. seriously! that is it! my synapses are crispy instead of flexible. shoot. stupid pizza.

hey pizza! you are making my blog boring and my thoughts dull. get out of my life! and quit planting your dirty little devilish thoughts as base as homer simpson: mmm. food. now that i've found you, ratted you out, confronted you, you can bet i am going to do what i can to get your pizza ass out of my brain, you got that, pizza? you messed with the wrong nutbag this time, you cheesey, saucey, crusty, piping hot, comes right to my door, cardboard box hiding brain cruncher! i want my head back.

it's all over

2012-01-15T18:00:00.000-06:00

we were on a 21 hour date.
in that time we managed to eat out twice, do massive amounts of laundry (sorted out h's clothes--lots to donate), watch football, a movie {gran torino}, read, sleep for 8+ hours, and generally enjoy each other's company. yeeehaaaw!
to top it off, it has been a very sunny day & it was 41 degrees when we drove through d e l a n o on our way home from sister mari's/the babysitters. so good.

we are both tired today-like my body is punishing me for not getting good sleep for so long.

oh yeah? you want to tease me with one night of good sleep? hah. i. want. more. ;)

it's getting closer to the start of the week, i hope to...

finish cleaning our upstairs
cut out the fabric for the purse i am imagining
eat lots of salad and fruit
sleep more solid chunks of sleep
finish addressing the cards to my clients

Lights of Excellence

2012-01-12T20:52:00.001-06:00

What a great in-salon work week. New friends, a decade+ friend...ah, how these friends make me smile. We have been enjoying the twinkly lights in the salon. Last week the tree decorations came down, and I suppose the tree will be next. The icicle lights on the walls will stay. They add to the ambiance. My friends, oh loverlies, are indeed the brightest lights (at the mark) of excellence.

six and 0

2012-01-11T15:50:00.000-06:00

trying and trying to get a photo of the kids in their Christmas clothes. aaaaand... forget about it. i especially enjoy the bottom middle pic of judey. he wanted to run around the yard. did you notice his jeans are unsnapped in the first three? suvi was determined to show off her drawings. that is theo's photo smile. he feels like he is really smiling big and happy. these three make me laugh! first i get crabby, then i laugh.

i love store box

2012-01-09T14:09:00.001-06:00

that's the way theo pronounces that big chain coffee shop from seattle. too funny. i really like caribou better, but i can certainly find myself enjoying something from store box. like a chai latte. and when i asked for something with ginger, the guy pointed to the ginger bread. if you follow that link, you'll find that the calories in my tasty bakery indulgence number four hundred and forty. i'm sorry to be so crass, but what the ford fairmont?! add the 240 for the "tea" and i consumed 680 calories in the blink of a cash register. wow.
But (that should probably be BUTT), i did enjoy it. when i got home from the drug store (the real reason i was out, with a side trip to the calorie shop across the street) i made some peppermint tea.
it is all helping with the stuffy head: peppermint, ginger, cardamom and clove. sigh.

plus, how funny is it that i soaked up every second of my trip to get the scripts switched over to the new drug store as a 'mom gets out' kind of trip. it took about an hour; it was delightful. while i was free to think uninterrupted, i made a plan to ditch the kids this weekend or next. we'll ship them out to mari's. hopefully, gram will go as a chaperone. i decided that just because my husband doesn't have as big a need for breaks as i do, doesn't mean we shouldn't make some time to spend together, just us sugar boogers. i want breaks. can i get by without them? yes. i will make it a priority, so neither of us gets to that overwhelmed/exhausted state as often. well, maybe, so quickly.

shadey character

2012-01-07T21:28:00.002-06:00

in these glasses, theo reminds me of a movie with one of my screen crushes. (by the way, if you do like movies, i loved high fidelity. i never want to know the real john cusack because i like the john cusack of my imagination so very very much. plus, hello? awesome sister, joan cusack? what fun!) and now i see the film was based on a novellette, which is only 3.99 on amazon for the kindle. i want to read it, and i want a kindle.

hmm.

you know? those folks who don't like the movie watchin' so much because of where your mind isn't when ya watch one, and for what a movie can lead to...yeah. i so get it.

i still heart movies, tho. and books. i would have wanted a kindle, most probably, had i never seen Martian Child. ;)

anyhoo...back to my point. theo. my sweet five year old boy. he's sick, if you haven't been keeping up. dreadful cold. on the mend, today, but still a yucky cough and drippy nenä. i've been rubbing peppermint oil on him, and it does seem to help. but his eyes are bothering him, light sensitive, which i think is from those activated sinuses (i'm trying to ignore/attack my own symptoms which equals keep going + drinking peppermint tea and using the neti pot).

when i came home this afternoon, there was nothing but crabbiness flowing around the house, after some crankety-crabby momness, i said 'dad? let's take them out of the house. no. more. whining.' suvi and theo both slept in the car, both commenced whining/crying upon returning home. HE IMMEDIATELY LEFT THE HOUSE TO GET A BRIBE FROM THAT WONDERFUL RED BOX. hence the glasses. t couldn't look at that television because his eyes were bugging him, his whining was bugging me, i offered the glasses, we are both happy.

baddabing baddaboom, now it's bed time!

sniffle, sniffle

2012-01-06T10:51:00.000-06:00

this has been another week of the sicks around here. theo is miserable with a sinus-y/chest cold. i am starting to feel a little sinus-y myself, so i pulled out the neti pot yesterday. sighhhhh. he's five now, so i did dare give him a homeopathic cold n cough remedy. it really helps take some of the misery away, he's not constantly coughing an hour out. i bought it last night, gave it to him at 11, but didn't go to bed myself until nearly 1 o'clock. since he's never taken anything like that before, i was worried he might be allergic. so far so good. i bought my third humidifier-- this one actually works (it's a vaporizer--what is the difference?). it was under 20 bucks. yesterday, i had him sit in the bathroom with the shower on hot, hot, hot. that really helped. vicks on his back, chest, feet, vaseline on the spot below the nose and above the lip, oj in his thomas cup, and tv on. that part is for me, most certainly, sue me. i LIKE sesame street. right now i hear a song about 'if you look, you'll find bugs everywhere!' eew. EVERYWHERE?

some good, fun planning occurred this week. setting up hair appointments, making paper chains, ordering thank you cards for my clients with a photo of yours truly on the front... too funny.

i added 'thank you' to the upper right, and on the back some words of thanks for my clients. i finished our fall photo album on mixbook (i had a groupon). excited to see how it turns out, as i have mostly used shutterfly (there is a 40% off sale right now until ann b's birthday) and snapfish (sales there, too). there are many more design options on mixbook; i really hope the quality of the printing is better, too... i'll report back when it arrives.

alrighty, off to watch elmo. i mean, take care of the kids. yeah, yeah, that's it. the kids...

painting motherhood

2012-01-02T22:31:00.001-06:00

16 years ago, I was already a seasoned traveler. (or so i thought)

2012-01-02T11:33:00.005-06:00

I have mentioned that I made a study abroad trip when I was a girl of twenty. I mean, who DOESN'T want to live in a castle!? Right? That little cutie pie down there, hanging on to the swing set sure does. She departs in a couple days for her own version of the Alnwick experience. I saw her for a few minutes yesterday. I'd planned on seeing her for a couple hours, but it took me FOREVER to make that card. I'm glad I got to give her a squeeze and hopefully a few reassuring words (she got a little teary) and to say, "Bon Voyage!"

we tooted at 8 o'clock

2012-01-01T00:37:00.010-06:00

are you kidding me? ooh! cute even when he's irritated by the happy new year horns!

Happy New Year!

wishing you fun, early in this the new year, 2012!

I am not even kidding you.

2011-12-29T21:12:00.001-06:00

When a door closes, somewhere God opens a window.
Like usual, money has been a little fluttery around here. Lightly coming into reach, then being sucked immediately out to some depths of darkness and general suckage. And, of course, sighs get heavy, numbers get crunched, computers fall ill, along with the children, prayers are mumbled. Then, as usual, PRAYERS ARE ANSWERED. This keeps happening, this answered prayer phenomena, and it continues to amaze me.
My cup, my dear friends, runneth o'er. Sometimes I begin to panic and feel as though darkness is surrounding me, so I curl up into myself. Quietly, slowly, I realize that the earth is not shaking, I am not falling, or slip-sliding away. No! I am safe in the loving arms of all that is blessed. Blessed.
PTL, and thank you for another year of stumbles and saves. Oh! My sweetie-pies, sassyfrasses, honest abes, baby mommas, hot to trots, crying sobbing sighing laughing friends! I love you the most!
Lets skip our way into 2012, and I am not even kidding you, totally rock it out & show it who da boss. Peace!

Suvi

2011-12-28T22:13:00.000-06:00

Suvi came to me in the kitchen tonight to ask, "Mama, why doesn't my balloon lift me up?"
oh, childhood is so sweet.

the program and the handfull

2011-12-21T11:55:00.001-06:00

This is Theo's first year in Sunday School. Last Sunday was the Christmas Program. When the preschoolers lined-up across the stage Theo and a few others ended up making a second row behind the first. I couldn't see if he was saying his piece; when I asked him whether he said it, the quick answer was, "Of course I did." Oh. Well. Pardon me!

Yesterday was his birthday. He's 5. A whole hand-full now. YIKERS!!!

The birthday boy's sister liked what I had done with his photo & requested a fun one of her, too. Here it is, Suvi-girl! (who has been under the weather the last few days. today too, but she is perking up and playing this morning.)

I have been having a bit of a personal struggle lately. My intellect and my heart wanting to part ways. Something dark wanting to get ahold of my hand to lead me astray. I had been feeling so cold. I've never experienced this kind of doubt, and I was troubled about it. MOE's wife took one look at me in the salon last week and knew I was in rough shape. She mentioned it to MOE and the next day I told MOE I needed a dose of Paulette. Thursday night we had a meeting; she asked the question I knew she would, a question to which my tongue freezes out any sort of answer. "What do you want?" The fear and the hesitation of answering that question are a mystery to me. What DO I want? What do I WANT? What do *I* want? WHAT do I want? Ah, who knows. I think the meeting just started chipping away the ice from my heart. And during the Christmas Program, it melted. Hearing the sweet message and the Christmas story told by such earnest and unburdened children...it is true. Our prayers are heard. Our prayers our answered. The flock is tended, even this wiley, woolly sheep that wanders is sought and fed and warmed by the Shepherd and His Fold. Joy to the world, the Lord is come!

Wishing you peace and joy as you prepare to celebrate the birth of Christ Jesus, carried with grace and hope in the fulfilment of a most perfect promise. Happy Christmas!

i'm waving!!

2011-12-18T15:59:00.001-06:00

want to bodify your long locks?
ask for a dry cut (go with clean, dry hair, without a lot of product. your stylist will see how you usually wear your hear, and no spray or heavy product so she can cut your hair and protect her shears).
kristin wanted to keep her hair long, but found her long layers were still too heavy to style her hair easily. we took about an inch off her length by point cutting. there maybe other terms for this method: it is not a horizontal blunt cut, it is a vertical cut all along the perimeter of your hair (the ends/outlines). a razor cut would give a similar effect, but is more comfortable on wet hair.
the goal is to avoid a heavy, straight, blunt look at your ends.

i misted her hair with spray from prodesign, then we added some soft waves with this iron by hot tools.

it doesn't have a spring or flapper. you just {carefully} wrap the hair around the wand, holding the ends.
kristin came in with a bit of curling iron waves in her ends. you can see how the wand makes the soft curl possible closer to the scalp. just be sure your hair is completely dry. you don't have to blow dry your hair, but make sure you have not a bit of damp left in your locks, or it wont work. at all. you can do a similar look with shorter hair, of course!

need to see it done first hand? make an appointment with me! mention the "i'm waving" post, and get 25% off. need to know where to go? leave a comment or email me for the info.

taking stock

2011-12-14T17:27:00.000-06:00

it is important to do a quick stock check on the tp before you sit down. i do a little cheer when i replace the roll before getting myself in any sort of predicament.
also, give a little look-see in any plastic bags from the back seat of the car. it might not be trash; it might be the christmas cards you wrote out with special notes to your loved and dear one's with an international address.
if your daughter asks for soup, get a preference out of her before you get underway. sometimes she is really asking for great northern beans!

out of the dark and twisty!

2011-12-12T09:56:00.000-06:00

first, thank you julie, for the awesome words.
second, the kids and i are going for a walk, because my gps is pointing that way to get out of the dark and twisty.
thirdly, i was talking to theo, he was standing in front of me as i am seated in a chair, when judah came over to me in his adorable babyness saying "mama, mama..." with outstretched arms. i picked him up and kissed his sweet little face and theo said accusingly, "you love judah more than ME! i don't love you, i don't love suvi, i don't love judah and not even myself." i grabbed him and said, rather shouted, "NEVERRRRRR! it's just that judah is a baby." i squeezed theo and said, "i love you all just the same." oh sweet love.
my fourth point this morning, i like getting real and getting with it. but it is HARD. it's not easy to tell your friends you can't go out for the birthday lunch because you are b.r.o.k.e. but i like being honest. sometimes. heh.
okay, i really better stop now, or i'll type my way out of a walk.

a soft place to land

2011-12-09T10:58:00.000-06:00

When I asked Judah if he wanted to take a nap, he replied with an affirmative head nod and his standard uh-huh. We located his beebee (blanket) and made our way up the steps. He ran right over to his crib and started sucking his thumb. Most days he looks around the room for a couple of minutes before he is ready to snuggle into his covers. He has been up there for about 15 minutes now, and we just heard "HEY!" coming from his direction. I am not joking when I say that EVERYTHING he does is adorable. Everything. Except for get up in the night. That one thing is hard to see the beauty in. Suvi woke up every night until she was about 2, but I was able to take at least a 20 minute nap nearly every day. Perhaps I shall plug Theo and Suvi in, and see what I can do about warming up the couch. It's the PBS fund drive...shoot. Nigh-nigh.
p.s. we're looking at 2 weeks til Christmas. how does this happen! time to make the ice candles...after my dreamland-ing.

p.p.s
i would like to snuggle under this quilt from this shop.

click on the photos to see more delightful items & to dream and plan and shop.

and then i could be wearing these slippers from Back40Beauty.

and i'd like to have a couple of these pillows on the couch, too.

and sip something warm with this mug from RachelAwes.

reaching into the deep

2011-12-08T15:35:00.001-06:00

deep into the glossy pages of a magazine

searching for color, for shapes, for hair, for shoes, for clothes, for a landscape, for a story...

for inspiration.

adele is here, she's here, willing to take the risk

she so has a place in my movie somewhere

turning page after page brought me these special k words

i'm interested in size RADIANT

in size ooh-la-la, size stunning

reaching for confident and sassy

you know how so often when a teenager first leaves home for college

or for an apartment

she starts to stretch her limits, her wings, to see where she lands

how far she can go

and still come back home on a weekend

and she might stay up late and try a few forbidden fruits

and she'll probably reel it back in, but at first

she overflows with independence

she's me. only my new surroundings are my very own home.

we have our house back to ourselves and i am finding my way through it

again.

i rearranged the kitchen

bagged up the dishes and the things that don't belong

they are waiting for a ride to their proper home.

i want to change and purge and polish and shine and minimize

simplify

and i want to rest (please, sweet baby judah, sleep through the night again before mommy's brain breaks)

and i don't want to sit still

i want to move and remove until our space is spacious enough

for breathing room

for playing and eating and sleeping and being together

and alone

i think i was holding my breath for a while

now i let it out...whoooooooooooohhhh

and let all the balls fall to the floor

i am in the middle arms extended, feet kicking the air

free to sit on the couch or stay out all day or eat bacon

free to walk, free to play outside with my children, free to

trapped in my old patterns

swelling up

and no real gumption

no fake gumption

either

i want to shake it off

break out with wild success

into size stunning, thank you very much.

........

Judah is a big boy. He's off the charts. But the pediatrician's concern is for Judah's mother; he recommends she start moving, grooving, walking. Every day. I really respect this man, and I was humbled by his recommendation for me. I know. I do know. And I am scared. Scared stiff. We walked that day, Judah, too. I weigh just an unbelievable amount. I honestly can't believe myself. I am embarrassed. I want change. I will move away from this shame and from this scary place. Last Saturday I went to a Christmas concert. I didn't quite fit in the seat. It is a shame that consumes me. "Just exercise. Just watch what you eat." There is something bigger happening here, because I cannot stop trying. Trying does not get you anywhere, you know, it is the doing. Acting with conviction and purpose that results in the change I am seeking.

I know it is uncomfortable to see people, especially people you know, who are morbidly obese. And I know the judgements exist, because they live in my head, too. Please, just be kind. Send a little love or a prayer or a smile or a little positive energy when you see someone like me. It might be the thing to tip the scale in the right direction.

m'boyeez

2011-12-07T20:56:00.000-06:00

i miss this baby

ooh. what did i do with those shoes?

sometimes i think judey looks so much like theo.

up, up and away!!!

2011-12-05T09:25:00.000-06:00

it was a fast 3 months! hard to believe it, but Ayat is on her way back home now. and we all survived! heh.

laughing at the kids

see that skirt? there's a funny story. hab took her out shopping to find a new outfit (i've since learned her closet is jam-packed full at home, with skirts and dresses that she loves, could never part with, or, ahem, fit into anytime soon). this was a priority for Ayat; she ~~pestered~~ mentioned it to H a few times. when they returned from the FIRST shopping excursion, she put on her 2X top and size 18 skirt. clearly she is not a plus size gal, so that outfit had to go back. the next trip was to schmacy's, with coupons in hand. she found that skirt, pictured, and a simple top that matched perfectly (and the ensemble for 22 bucks. for that price, i'd say she looked stunning!). for some reason, she decided it had to go back, it just wouldn't do. too colorful. fine. back to the mall. did i mention the habinator despises the mall? yeah. can't stand it. he likes to get in, get out, get on with life. on the third shot, they found an equal bargain which he told her was not going to be returned. she did try to get one more exchange out of him, but he didn't budge. so this skirt, you know, the one that wasn't going to work, went back. skip forward a few weeks to thanksgiving night. ayat returns from my favorite person's house WEARING THE SKIRT. i spotted it immediately and brought it to my husband's attention. we started laughing.

after she had settled into the couch, he mentioned this skirt was a repeat. she laughed and said martha gave it to her. uh-huh. okaaaaaay. (i think she just didn't like the shirt they found to go with it the first time. gah!) oh ayat, you are such a stinkerdoodle. safe travels, m.i.l. until next time, Adios!

........

travel is such a strange thing. you wake up in one place, and go to sleep somewhere completely different. even on a trip to the u.p., the act of moving from one side of the lake to the other amazes me. continuing through space and time. hmm.

like a river

2011-12-02T22:05:00.000-06:00

sarah mclachlan has such a lovely voice.

and i always feel better with a little paul simon.

and this dude... happy sigh.

ooooooeeeee!

2011-12-02T16:28:00.001-06:00

things i didn't know.

2011-12-01T23:33:00.000-06:00

um, kids? (by kids i mean you there, with your coffee and your bagel/muffin/banana, not my children) i did not know just how long it takes a turkey to thaw. dang. i made one other turkey in my wife life, and it must not have been frozen. so lets us hope this bird is ready to go by supper time on saturday.

if you want to make the mil happy, take.her.picture. not kidding. she is just giddy that we had a little time to take her photo today. i did her hair, she lined her eyes (her lashes are pretty much gone, no one tells me why. do they know? those kids of hers?), put on her new duds, and posed in the dining room. it took her so long to get ready... well. actually, to START getting ready, that my favorite sunlight time in the dining room had passed, but it was still the best lizight in the hizouse. hollah!

airbrushing is fun.

i don't know why we americanos like to cheez it up in photos, but it is not the norm in e-hope-ia (as theo says it), the photographed tend to have a straight face. this just would not do for the mil portrait, so i called in the heavy hitters. 'THEO! SUVI! COME MAKE AYAT LAUGH!!' and so they did. good kids.

my mil really closes her eyes when she laughs. who knew?!

tickle, tickle!

suvi LOVES to take photos...she is using my phone here, since her pos camera she got for Christmas last year is broken ;) i just love her concentration!!

like white

2011-11-30T21:22:00.000-06:00

on Rice Park in Saint Pauli. We did a drive-by on Sunday night to look at the pretty lights.

I like this Angel tooting his horn. He's got a good message, it's about THE best birthday. Ever.

Rice Park is in front of the Landmark Center (i have no idea what is special about the Landmark Center, i've just always heard about it because it lives in the Capitol of Minnesota, and that's from here. wink.).

it's a good lookin' building, tho. and i like the clock up there.

theo and suvi and addis are at the foot of this tree. you can see t's red jacket. these photos are sooc. maybe i'll play around with them a bit...

Wishing you a light and bright Thursday, yo!

it is really so very complicated having a mother-in-law

2011-11-27T07:30:00.002-06:00

it is really so very complicated having a mother-in-law. some of you may have already known this. while i have been married pert-near 7 years, one might guess this should not be big news. dude. my mil lives on t'other side of the world? and i haven't had to share my family until now? hooh.

and now we have just one more week with her. hooh.

getting to know a person with whom i do not share a common language is a bit of a challenge. not letting myself fill in the blanks is a challenge. accepting the things i cannot change, total challenge. loving the mother of my husband: done and easy. she is a bit fragile. not her bones, but her countenance. since her husband passed a few years ago, she isn't sure of herself and what her purpose might be. together they raised 14 children, so now that her husband is gone-on and her children are adults, it seems she doesn't know her role anymore. somehow the mourning sadness faded a bit, but she stayed still.

i had imagined walking to the park with ayat and the kids, showing her our beautiful zoo, walking the lake... she isn't the woman my husband remembers. it seems she has a bit of The Blues and she doesn't know how, or that she can, shake it. and it breaks my husband's heart to see her wounded this way. and mine. and... it ties me to her in a way she'll never know. she and i are made of the same sensitive cloth; i see similarities between the two of us. i love her. sometimes i want to shake her, but i do love her.

this time with her has taught me a lot about my husband. he is resilient. he manages to muddle through the dredgy, boggy, depressiony aspects of life with his wife. and his mother. my sugar booger is, lest you forget, totally awesome and wonderful...and a looker. Ahem. these last three months are evidence of the first two, and the third part there, well, that's just obvious fact my friends.

Whit-woo, if I do say so myself.

the kids have fallen in love with ayat, too. they will surely miss her. theo likes to snuggle under her gabby blanket in the afternoon, suvi often takes her perch on the back of the couch behind ayat, and judah...well, he loves practically everybody he meets, especially if they share their food with him. heh.

thankee thanks.

2011-11-25T14:55:00.001-06:00

it was such a be.a.utiful day yesterday (today, too, actually). M.I.L.D. and the family gathering out there in montrose was tres relaxing for me. judah took a nice nap in mari's quiet basement. i wished i could climb in that pack-n-play with him.

AAAAAAnyhoo... I keep thinking today is Monday. And from about 6:30A.M. I had a strong urge to go to Target. It was 10:30 before I caved and went, kids in tow. Guess what? They were nearly perfect in the behaviour department. It was worrisome, we got a sweet parking space, kids acted appropriately, I found a $5 coupon in my wallet, and then a $5 gift card from last week, and it's balmy outside. When is the other shoe going to drop, I ask you. ;) It's been a nice day. Nicey, nicety, nice-nice. Happy sighs.

I am just so thrilled that Theo is now interested in drawing. He was drawing Thomas the Tank Engine, with his coaches, Annie and Clarabel.

seriously. i love her scary monster face.

we picked up ayat from the rele's and approached the downtown from the south. i like my little city. she's adorbs. ;)

I had to go with the extra large photo here so you could take a good look at that goofball nephew of mine. He's raising money for prostate cancer and men's health. With that mustache. It kept freaking me out yesterday, and I told him that I'll be glad when Movember is OVER. Uncle Rico? I wanted a photo of Bergen and her happy parents...that mustache must be affecting your decision making, Kev.

I wanted to get a family pic, but the kids were not so fired up on my idea. Addis came with us, but Ayat was back with the rele's.

i like top five lists.

2011-11-20T15:16:00.000-06:00

I am thankful to have been able to share in Kristin and Mark's big day.

I am thankful for my friend Larissa, tho I don't know if she reads my blog, because she so encouraged me to join the Moms who do the pre-school for 4 year olds. He is very comfortable going to the different homes for pre-school, and has started drawing at home. These are big steps for mother and son...branching out a bit!

I am thankful for healthy babies and safe deliveries, but especially that of this beautiful little princess dolly girl. I am a gr'aunty again! Katie Lynn (bride's sister) & Jon, welcomed this little joy into the world on Thursday. I can't wait to see her on Thanksgiving Day!!!!!

I am thankful for relatives who welcome the VIP to stay a couple nights at their place. It gives her a little change of scenery, more chances to chat, and it gives us a little break. Breaks are good.

I am thankful for the time we've been able to spend with the VIP. We have 2 more weeks, rounding out a full three months. You know that feeling I've had for a while, like someone was missing? I'd be with my three kids, and look around sort of wondering why I felt like there was a little space in my heart wanting to be filled. I don't feel lacking just now. I've certainly been frustrated and tired and a little irrational a fair piece when it comes to the VIP, but mostly it's been good to be able to care so deeply for someone so quickly again. We will be lonesome for a stretch when she returns to her home on the other side of the world.

Those are the five things I am thankful for off the top of my pretty little head this afternoon.

Peace and Love to you, my friendies!!

green/let's see what else they do wrong.

2011-11-14T23:44:00.001-06:00

i'm not sure if this translates, but i think this girl is so cute. PRESH!

And this other girl has perfect hair. I want her hair, and pretty much I'd take the rest, because green is one of my favorite colors. But, especially the hair. Today my sil asked me why I cut my hair. I was like, "uh...come again?" I absolutely did not have an answer. I said, "Well, I am old. Too old for long hair." She said, where she comes from, 36 is considered very young. Ooooohkeeeeeeeeay. Riiight. This is just one of those cultural things I guess? I would like long hair, long hair like this other Jennifer.

she could put a sweater on, i s'pose.

and then, the simpson's went to little ethiopia. seriously, hab and i laughed for quite some time after we watched this you tube clip. i hope it translates.

**aw, shucks. i had to take it off. it was really funny, tho!**

That's Right, I am not your Friend.

2011-11-11T23:54:00.000-06:00

As a whole, my clients are rather enjoyable. Interesting lives, stories I want to hear. Some clients make me crazy; a handful are extra special to me. What I see in them and the parts of self they share with me, make me forget that I am the hairdresser. Mostly, that phenomena is a good thing. It helps to have a sincere connection with people, especially because it's my job to be inside their bubble. I have to touch head, neck and shoulders. When I was pregnant, my baby belly pressed up against an arm and a shoulder or two. These clients celebrated my wedding, my first house, the births of my children, they sympathized when my dear mother was ill, hoped with me when my husband's job was ending, and cheered when he found a new one. You are witness to my open-book manner of living & sharing my life. I love people. Because of the nature of my work, I have the privilege of meeting folks, all kinds, who would not otherwise be in my friend world. The thing is, what I am reminded of tonight and the inspiration for this post, regardless of the relationship I perceive with my clients, a line exists which cannot be seen until it is crossed. It is the divider between the one behind the chair and the one under the cape seated in the chair.

Tonight I crossed the line. I'm not sure how many years Janet has been with me. 6 or 7? She is delightfully quirky, a California grown seeker and veggie and so interesting. She was a bit weary tonight, maybe end-of-the-week weary, maybe my in-laws are fading weary. I wish I was gentler with her. She did a little unloading of the regular stressors, then asked me about my Thanksgiving plan. As I was telling her that I will bring the Ethiopian coffee ceremony, she interrupted several times. While I described the ritual, she did not seem to be following me. I said: Oh my. You are showing a lot of resistance, so I am just going to stop, and let you *be*. This brought out apologies from Janet, and clear distress. I wanted her to not apologize, and to step back and take my place behind the line. I love the listening and sharing that both client and I, the stylist, do during an appointment. I was excited and proud to explain the coffee ceremony to Janet, I felt disappointment that she wasn't taking it in. I was embarrassed that I wasn't setting aside my own desire to tell my story in order make room for the extra time, extra breath she needed. I was reminded that I am the hairdresser, not the friend. She isn't paying me to point out that she isn't being a good listener, she's paying me to color and cut her hair. It's part of my job to listen, and simply a bonus when I am able to indulge with a captive audience.

These realizations occurred within a few short moments. It was good to have that 30 minutes color processing time to step outside of her personal space, let flow return to normal, to shape-up the next client's hair. Take myself completely out of the awkwardness I felt and welcome a fresh face/perspective. I even moved to MOE's station across the aisle. At the end of the second woman's appointment, I mentioned something about the VIP. In the mirror I saw Janet watching and listening (remember, it's a small salon. we typically talk across the room, it's cozy); her eyes opened w i d e and her mouth dropped open when she heard me say 'my mother-in-law is with us.'
    "I thought I sensed something was off with you!"
I was like, uhhh. nope. that was you, lady. you came in here complaining and complaining and weren't able to make room for the answer to the question you posed. it is you who is off.
    "Nah. It's been good with her."
I wanted to leave the earlier weirdness, shrug off the comment. I pulled the foils from her hair and swished her back to the shampoo bowl.

That tiny bit of disconnect made me feel vulnerable.  What does it mean to be understood completely? I want my words to be transparent, in the way that I am speaking honestly, directly. I have been worried and frustrated when I am not able to convey my thoughts, to lay out the thought map in a way that one can easily follow. What really struck me tonight, though, was how she was so relieved to find a place to pin a label on that stray kink in the conversation link, to lay the awkwardness on me. To say that the hairdresser was a bit off tonight because her mil is visiting. Which is NOT to say that she asked a question to which she really did not require a reply, and to NOT say that interrupting on that level is not good for flow.

It struck me how hard it is for me to be called on my shit, and that she did not like it either. It must have been hard for her to hear YOU ARE RESISTING ME. Just like I wasn't happy to hear YOU ARE ACTING DIFFERENT BECAUSE THE VIP HAS BEEN AT YOUR HOUSE FOR TWO MONTHS. If I were sitting with my friend, drinking coffee or tea or listening to the lake lick the shore or the fire crackle, or better yet--the rocks hiss when we throw more steam (DANG. I AM FREEZING AND I WANT A SAUNA!!), if we were chatting and you, as the friend, kept interrupting me, I'd just say, HEY. I'M TRYING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING. WHAT IS UP WITH THE INTERRUPTING!? and then you would throw more water on the rocks and say GET REAL LADY, I AM FULL IN THE EARS OF YOUR JABBER BECAUSE I HAVE MY OWN THOUGHTS AT WAR IN MY NOGGIN, SO LAY OFF! and then i would throw a ladle of water on the hot rocks and one almost on you and we would laugh. in my heart i could be happy to be taking a sauna with my friend where we don't sweat the silly stuff, we sweat our butts off.

I thought it was Janet WHO WAS OFF. Janet thought it was Jenny. She was WRONG.
Okay, fine. We were both right and it wasn't wrong to hit a little bump. It's good to remember I am the hairdresser, the friendly, blunt hairdresser with cute kids, and a mother-in-law on the couch. (I brought her some milk tonight and teased her, "Here is your baba." She doesn't speak much English, but she knows how important the baba is around here! I love when I can get a giggle out of her.) But I am pretty sure it really was more Janet who was off. Just sayin'.

hold on for one more day!

2011-11-08T16:34:00.001-06:00

break free, break from the chains. I'm sorry for the Wilson Philips reference, but it is a song that stays with me. Whenever I hear it or think of it I remember sitting on Mari and Tim's blue couch listening to the entire cd. Late 80's, early 90's. I spent a lot of time at their house: "babysitting," napping, mooching, doing my laundry, picking on the kids... one time i had my clothes on the line and Kevin shot up my clothes with a bb gun. there were tons of divots in my fave lime green gap cardigan. AAAAnyhoo, it's rather gray and chilly here today, so I am looking back to the sunshine of one month ago at the arboretum. And I will hold on to the memory for one more day. There's another 'holding on' song that bounces around the old noggin' quite often...it's from The Cat in the Hat on PBS. "holding on, holding on, you'll never get me off cuz i'm holDING ONNNN!"

There are other kinds of 'hold on' that are less happy. The kind of 'hold on' you say over the phone when you have to shush the kids or grab a pen. Or the kind that really means 'not now.' How about the 'hold on' we use when we really want to exclaim, "Wait. WHAT!?" At this moment, I'm sweeping the baditude hold ons under the rug, or shaking them off the rug out on the rug-beating thing with that big rug swatter. And I am warming my back in the sunshine and my eyes in the flowers. This day feels good and right and warm, and i am happy to hold on to it. I'll hold on to the three and four year olds who drew masks on their faces with markers-for the second day in a row. I'll hold on to my 18 month old who's a little under the weather, and pretty snuggley. He's waking up from his nap. I'll hold on to the happy little break I took online just now. Hold on for one more day!

observationalizisms

2011-11-06T21:34:00.000-06:00

when i am short on sleep, my temper is quick-lite and white hot
when sharing a living space with others, regular conversation is a must
when sharing a living space with others, regular conversation is huge
when sharing a living space with others, regular conversation is critical
when sharing a living space with others, regular conversation is helpful
i think you get the picture.

i am a worrier, and worst-case scenario imagine-r, and this is not a good quality or characteristic when sharing a living space with OTHERS!!! :)
However, it's reassuring and a blessing to be able to call on the resource close to me. You know, the husband kind of resource. Who is, let me be sure to mention, bi-lingual. Unfortunately he isn't fluent in Female (nor I in Male), yet quite fortuitously, he is absolutely fluent in both Amharic and English.
Yesterday I was making wrong assumptions about what the VIP was saying, so I literally ran away from her, out the back door, and flagged Habinero down to translate. Turns out she was just feeling a little down, and worried what I might be thinking of her plan to get a new dress. I squeezed her shoulders and H conveyed my response: Lady, I love clothes and shopping, and I ain't gonna be the one to tell you not to get a new dress. DON'T.WORRY.

It's just a good philosophy in general, the not worrying thing. Lets just try a little thing called trust. I trust we'll keep the words and sentiments flowing freely and with great clarity up in here.

for the office

2011-11-02T22:26:00.000-05:00

since my office is a hairdressing station, i sometimes call my station my desk. this photo will be displayed on my desk at the office. an office with plenty of cross-talk, joking, empathizing, shock-concealing, gray-concealing, laughter, even a few tears. an office with a boss who likes to show off the pictures of these three little stinker doodles more than i do. such a good mr. mark, or mowk as suvi says.

superman, princess, ducky.

2011-10-31T21:42:00.001-05:00

this boy. this face. OOOH! he loves to dream up plans for toys and fun things to do. and yesterday he flushed a night light. bless his heart, he's so curious about things. (superstinker.)

hooray! they ducky costume still fits judey! we got some hilarious video of him running on the driveway. the padding in the lower parts of the costume made it look like he really was waddling.

grammy came over to see them in their costumes and give them some extra treats.

we brought ayat out for lunch today (wild wings, of course)--she liked it as much as we do :) on the way home we stopped at walgreen's. i wanted to pick up carving kits, because i have made the same jack-o-lantern for the last 28 years. those tiny little serrated carving "knives" are just so fabulous! it was the easiest and most fun i've had doing pumpkins. ever. it came with a scraper, stencils, and plastic eyes (in suvi's pumpkin). she added the toothpick hair. theo gave his spooky pumpkin pumpkin gut hair. the candles were decorations from our wedding day. i'm glad we could put them to good use!

suvi and i made her crown from a cereal box. the ribbon is also from our wedding time!

own your story

2011-10-28T17:05:00.001-05:00

once upon a time, in an old and creaking house lived a limping, lumbering, mysterious creature. the creature's feet hurt from carrying the weight of five 25 pound sacks of flour under her skin. she lumbered across the cold wood, her joints echoing the creaks of the floor beneath her painful feet.

sometimes, the mysterious creature opened the flimsy windows of the shadowy house; those times the wind blew the curtains back, blew the cobwebs off the walls, and blew a bit of golden sun across the chilly rooms. the wind invited the beast outdoors, and there, one autumn afternoon, the shadows fell away from the creatures brow. she chased the little urchins back and forth the length of the lot of land (the little urchins that squeaked and squawked and whose noses oozed a clear, slippery substance, demanding to be fed and watered at all hours of the day and night, the little urchins who stole the sleep from under the creature's head, who put sand in her eyes, then leaped and bounced and bounded across the creature's stack of yellow pillows). as she chased, the pain dropped of first the right foot, and then, eased off of the left foot. her limp was lopped off with the giggles and squeals of the littlest of the urchins. the chubbiest and screechiest and softest and smoochiest of the urchins swallowed the mystery of the creature. that urchin's feast revealed a whole lot of mother, grinning ear.to.ear.

and she forgot about being so irritated at the smallest things un-urchins do or don't do.

so my story is, i have some emotion wrapped up in food that is as of yet, not clear to me. i am eating for comfort right up the scale and out of my comfort and into a scary world of hugeness that doesn't suit me in the slightest. and so, i'm cranky. and it's exhausting to beat myself up all the time. yes, i let other little irritations become more powerful than i ought. all.for.naught. what i'm trying to say is, being outside is good for me, getting crabby with someone who is operating on a different field is pointless, i don't want to get mad about food, as food is sustenance, not love. this nice crap takes practice. oh yeah, i am living in the practice of ~~bitchiness~~ love.

aaaanyhoo, have a good weekend. i'm off to work. driving in the sunshine, thankyouverymuch. and, for what it's worth, if i buy spinach and chickpea patty things with you in mind, just eat the dang thing. don't eat everything else on your plate, i mean EVERY grain of rice, leaving this special thing i found just for you untouched. even though i know it doesn't mean you are being mean, i am kind of nutser than you'd first think, and it's going to BUG me. okay then.

peace, joy, and LOVE!!!!

Sometimes my head explodes

2011-10-24T19:00:00.001-05:00

Wow. Today is not a day that I am proud of my behaviour. No. Not a good teaching day for the kids.
today was the day when all my little irritations came together to protest. It turned into an awful riot. There was yelling. There was tossing of clothes. There was hiding. There was embarrassment. There was laughing in disbelief at my own actions. Which means, of course, there was ridiculousness. There was anger. There were buckets of tears. There was a head hanging apology. There was my husband translating.
that's right. I had a tantrum today, and my mil was the unsuspecting victim of my brain malfunctioning. It is the second day of my period. Coincidence? I think not.
Sorry, Ayat. But at least now you have a good spectrum of your dil's personality and charm. Love you, lady, despite my nutserness.

i, i, i.

2011-10-24T15:53:00.002-05:00

Important
interesting
intuitive
infinite
infantile
iridescent
indigo
igloo
ignoramus
inventory
invisible
inventive
irritating
interchangeable 'I'
in VIP

i wonder

2011-10-20T21:03:00.000-05:00

If there is any chance of squeezing the baby into this adorable costume again this year?

or maybe we can see if we can jam this little doggie vest on him.

that sweatshirt theo is wearing is in judah's pile right now, so the pup costume just might work!!!

i think we are having a princess (maybe a kitty witch princess) and either a ghost or superman to trick or treat with judah. i wish i could start dragging them around town in costumes right now. they are just so cute, and they only wear the outfit for an hour. in the DARK!

she, who lives in the practice of love

2011-10-18T09:57:00.001-05:00

dear self,
stop.
breathe.
release.
...
again.
stop.
breathe.
release.

remember that the pain of others causes waves and warps in ripples all around them
be peaceful to help them calm their waters.
listen with love, to the words and the voice.
live in forgiveness.
remember that the anger and sadness of others moving toward you
is most often spinning off of some reeling and prickly hurts.
practice love.
practice forgiveness.
practice peace.

i am from a world of encouragement and adoration and clarity,
others are not.
practice strength and softness and gentleness in the presence of hurt.
let the spinning roll away from you, from the wounded.
live in love, it is forgiveness; it is peace, it is strength, it is unassuming and true.

let your hurt roll away
practice
speak your love in the encouragement and comfort in others
let your hurt roll away
practice breathing peace
practice the revealing of love
stop clouding your way with hurt
practice clarity
practice strength
let yourself live in surety

breathe.
release.
love.

..........
and, lest you think i am getting so zen that i am cool as a cucumber, don't forget my list.

SUNday

2011-10-17T21:42:00.000-05:00

Have you ever been to the U of M arboretum? If you like grasses, sculpture, trees, flowers, shrubs...go!

Our Photo Lady

2011-10-15T22:37:00.000-05:00

Dear, dear friends (and even the rest of you;),
I just want to make an extra special note to you to check out this sparkling new blog. Same beautiful content, super fancy-dancy and welcoming and easy to read & enjoy. She is our photo lady, and I am a huge fan. You might remember we saw her in August for a sitting on Lake Superior. I am so in love with the photos she presented to us, I was having a hard time narrowing down our selection from my 34 favorites. I just do not have enough wall space!!
Love,
ethiopifinn/JEN. xoxo

why DID the chicken cross the road?

2011-10-14T22:24:00.000-05:00

to show the raccoon it COULD be done.
(ba-dum dum)

today's banana bread is okay, but it got a little "done" on the ends and edges.
i remember not liking coffee breath on adults when i was a kid
suvi just told me my breath is gross
nothing like the honesty of a daughter
the last few days i felt like i was edging closer to the brink than i like to be
last night i cried on my husband's shoulder
today my mom watched the kids and the vip so i could run to use my finnstyle groupon before it expired
i love marimekko
and aarikka
why don't all banana bread recipes call for 3 bananas
2 bananas is not banana-y enough for me
i nearly fired a client this week
either i got over it, or chickened out--not sure yet
pretty sure i'm not over it
i just brushed my teeth so my client won't have to suffer as suvi did
my clients don't realize how much work it is to be the fabulousness that i am
it's better if there is a little mystery and magic surrounding your hairdresser
especially if i am your hairdresser
sometimes it's okay to say hair stylist, like all the time, but please, not beautician
the vip is vocalizing
that's what i call it when i know she is talking, and to me, but i have no clue what she is saying
i ~~finally~~ finished reading the glass castle at 12:37 this morning
i'm really glad i don't have to sleep under a tarp because of the leaky roof/glad our roof isn't leaky
i'll get back to cutting for stone tonight
back in the day it was common for me to be reading two books, going for one over the other depending on my mood
i enjoyed having options for my reading
maybe part of the reason i had two books started is i couldn't find one book or the other at any one time, so i read whichever book i could locate
i have been using one of those little led touch puck lights to read in bed
theo is sick, we've been using his neb a few times yesterday and today
when he was napping yesterday suvi built him a little tower, she told habtamu it would make theo feel better.
so sweet! too bad he knocked it down immediately upon waking
off to bed, sleep helps to ward off the quick sand of tired. ever notice that? get good rest, not tired in the morning. really an amazing correlation!

'arrrrrcuts.

2011-10-11T22:48:00.001-05:00

judah adores theo.

i was a little sad with both of these haircuts. it was judey's first cut. 16 months old, my little baby boy!!! and my suvi. oh suvi, mommy loves your hair so long and beautiful!!!! but she just could not take the brushing after her bath. there was too much screaming for too long, not to mention the complaints from suvi ;) her hair is much easier to manage now, and still so cute. my dolly girl!

theo got to go to his first friend birthday party. his class is turning five. that is the birthday boy in front of the window. his mom planned such a cute party for him! (his mom, by the way, grew up on the other side of the hill from me, and her name rhymes with schmemily) that's the birthday boy's cousin (char's) slugging the orange crush. his mom doesn't have pop at home ;) my cheeks hurt from smiling at this party. i hung around because theo burst into tears when i mentioned i could run to target and come back, and because schmemily lives in a land far, far away. if you go any further on the highway that leads to her town, you'll literally run into buffalo. that's how far west they live. i'm pretty sure they even say 'howdy, pa'dner' and 'reckon' in that area of the country.

'darkness is a harsh term, don't you think'

2011-10-11T16:06:00.001-05:00

last year on this day, october 11th, suvi took a picture of her tootsies. outside. and i shared one of my kids' favorite songs.

one year later, we have another be.A.U.tiful day. bare feet and short sleeves.

since i haven't posted music for a couple weeks, i thought i'd share some more. this time, it's a new-to-me band with LOVERLY sound. a new favorite. and at 53 seconds in, i want to jump up and cheer wildly. also at 3 minutes in. yikes! fills me UP!

no, thank YOU very much, mumford and sons. aiyaiyaiiiiieeeee!

i hot glued my finger this week.

2011-10-06T23:41:00.000-05:00

that was exciting.
i freaked my kids out pretty good with that one. and maybe myself just a tad. i ran to the sink to run cold water on my poor, poor middle finger, and i couldn't get the glue off. this created a bit of panic within. and without. after what felt like 45 minutes, actually only one minute, i was able to peel the glue off from my finger tip and out from under my nail. that's right. under.my.nail. folks, i'm just going to tell you right now: DO NOT HOT GLUE YOUR FINGER, NO MATTER HOW FIRED UP YOU ARE ON MAKING ROSETTES. lesson learned.
in the end, it was a phone call to my mom that brought some solace to my kitchen, my kidlets, and my poor, poor, blistered fingertip.
'put it on ice, or in ice water,' she said. 'it's the only way to really stop the burning.'
'but i ran it under cold water for a looooong time already!' i whined.
'well, you have to use ice.' thanks, mom. lesson learned.

i read somewhere this week, okay fine! i read on facebook this week that 'some people come in our lives [blah, blah, blah, for some nicey-nice thing] and others come in our life to teach us a lesson.'
dude! i get it! enough with the lessons, already. i'm 36 years old and i had to call my mommy to tell her about my booboo. do you think these lessons are going to get through this noggin? sheesh.

aaaaaanyhoo. can i just say one thing? (do any of my peeps remember when we used to say that all the time?) some of the ethiopians i know say this: let me tell you SOMEthing. and then they lay it on you, some kind of explanation or truth they were hoping they wouldn't have to say. it's a good warning, a person can brace themselves for whatever might come next. or they might just say, you are the most wonderful, talented, hot mama on the planet. now THAT never gets old, does it. um...
shoot.
now i forgot what one thing i was going to say.
huh. bugger me.
see, my hubbinator called mid paragraph, and my brilliant idea faded off into the night. shucks.

oh wait now. here it is. i just put on the finnish bra and my train of thought got right back on track. you see, i miss my blog. you know, my old blog? filled with angst and emotion and overjoyed and such like? sigh. i've just been wanting to be focusing on 'up.' i'm feeling pretty normalish lately, but i do have these gut wrenching questions about life, i want to talk about them with you, but i can't. i am worried about... what you might think. (hello? ya, hi. this is jenny, and i am in 7th grade.) so. let me tell you something. i am worried that if i post more emotive thoughts, you will think that i am in a deep, dark, depressive slump. and i am worried you won't want to hang out over here anymore. in general i am feeling normalish and pretty good. thinking, emoting, analyzing, wondering, probing...all things done by me for as long as i can remember. i used to write my poems and watch my friends read them. remember girls? i was so into being me that i couldn't even be self-conscious. makes me smile now, how earnest that jenny was. and innocent! too funny. here i am with this fabulous method right here in my living room and i am feeling insecure. oh for crying out loud. so, i'll push myself to tell you something. and i'll either forget that you are reading, or i'll sit next to you and read it over your shoulder. 'kay? and if i'm on a bit of a darker line, i'll just write it out and you can know that i'm okay.
because i am a TERRIBLE liar, so i'll pry tell you i'm mud puddle dwelling before you have time to guess.
alright then. so we are agreed. i'll be me and you be you. and if you are in my life to teach me a lesson of sorts, LAY IT ON ME. I am stronger than I think.

k.
good.
phew!
right.
k.
love you, then!!
(and yes, i do know i've had to have this conversation with you before. sometimes i like to remind you of my foibles) silly quirks.
..........
my client tonight mentioned how she felt she was in the eye of a hurricane. life swirling and falling apart all around her while her own heart and home are peaceful. it's exactly how i feel right now. with all the recession talk, the unemployment, the housing market, divorce, deception, fear...i don't know why folks want to invite chaos. i really don't.
if you know me, you know that i can't quote you scripture yet i cling to the cross, i doubt, and rejoice in grace, i want to keep my heart clear and grateful and open and working in love. i have learned recently, that living what i believe can be challenging. it is so hard to live in forgiveness of other's weakness. i've not been truly tested in this area until now.
i try to stay away from the gossip and divisiveness that comes along with my dear community (any small community). there have been rumors and whisperings going on for some time (aren't there always?), but i told my friends not to tell me what people were talking about. i know that it's hard for me not to let what other's say affect my thoughts and opinions, so i try to choose ignorance to keep my opinions my own.
it happens, now and again, when i have to be on the listening end of a "let me tell you something." it's hard to be strong in my convictions. i can see how Big Terrible Things can tear families apart. it's really, really hard to get our mind to go along with forgive. i say a prayer tonight to ease my heart of the pain of hearing, and to soften the hearts of those who are struggling with this same trial of not only accepting the grace gift of forgiveness, humbly, but in honoring the gift and living it. i pray that families be mended, that we can lift up our heads and be joyful in the peace and beauty of today, of this moment. yesterday is done, who knows how many tomorrows will arrive, be thankful and humbled in the simplicity of now, of Love.

clowning around

2011-10-05T15:32:00.000-05:00

das wassup

2011-10-04T00:33:00.000-05:00

i finished going through kristin and mark's photos on saturday. i miss them. ;)

this is the bride with her sibs. xo

they used to all have the same initials: kj. now the girls are ke and ko, but the suffix is the same. 'son.

oooh. i am just remembering when they were little and i was a teenager and they were so cute. they'd run laps livingroom-middle room-kitchen when i was babysitting and trying to herd them into their room. stinkers. ko is expecting her first baby; girl, what goes around comes around!!

sigh. oh how i love mari's kids. adult kids. ;)

last week theo's preschoolers had a trip to an orchard. 'course, his mom was hetta that morning, and in so doing, delivered him too late to go on the wagon ride with all the other cutie pies. we enjoyed checking things out, starting with the chicks. and then the pumpkins. and the cows.

and since we brought our snack, we ate it before we headed back home to get our vip her lunch.

recently we brought h's mom to the beach...these are from my phone, i love-love-love the beach.

windy windy

2011-09-29T23:28:00.001-05:00

I've been writing a lot lately. Upstairs in our new bedroom it is very relaxing and quieter and less distracting. i am writing away up there nearly every day. it's great. heartfelt, angsty, funny, juicy...
i am writing it in my head; none of it has made it to paper or screen. it's like trying to hold water in your hands, what doesn't splash out leaks through my fingers. ;)

life with our newest arrival continues to be good. she has recovered from a cough, and rested up; we are encouraging her to do a little more for herself. my darling sister in law is now in her second week of class, AND back to work in the evenings, which means she starts off around 8 am and gets home at ten minutes to eleven. P.M. she is making her mom's breffy and coffee and sometimes lunch everyday before she gets herself ready. without question and without complaint. she has a servant's heart. i can hear her washing up the couple of dishes that were in the sink. wow. i am happy they are here.

however... my head is full! i am a weird kind of tired. it's really no...what is the word...well, trouble to have our VIP, yet being conscious of one or two more people sharing this living space...it's weird. it takes up room in my brain. i am not even complaining. it's just a strange feeling.
i'd hoped having our ayat here would fill this little gap in my heart. alas, it happened again. yesterday, at the orchard, (it was a preschool trip. we got there late, so it became mom and the three kids trip) we were looking at goats. suvi and theo were up to the fence, judey in the stroller. i realized i was looking around because i had that feeling someone was missing. nope, 1-2-3! all three here. when i was younger i would have dreams and sort of sensations of holding a baby. they started when i was about 18. i would just have this longing to have a baby on my shoulder. now and again i get this feeling like there should be one more little shaver hanging on my legs.
too freaky?
well, halloween is almost here.
hmm.
it's kind of like that feeling you get when you walk into a room and forget what you went in there to do. it's not that three isn't enough, it's more like there is room for one more.
i can't burp the VIP on my shoulder, or carry her on my hip, or put cute outfits on her. i tried to do that, but she hasn't tried on the cute clothes i found for her at costco. i can, however, enjoy her while she's here.

and if having her here keeps my brain going, it also keeps me off the couch, and my chin up. i'm getting a little bit more done, and tooting much less. yeah, this is not the kind of mil you just let one rip in front of. is there such a mil? well, off to bed. i gotta get my beauty rest, write more fabulous invisible posts, and reboot the head!

PEACE! xo jt

gram cracker and the bride

2011-09-26T21:56:00.000-05:00

this might be my fave so far. the whole gram/kris series is wonderfully adorable.

Among These Prizes

2011-09-26T11:49:00.002-05:00

"Poor person pants, pouts. No nuances near. Sad,sad song. Try trick Tamiru, tacky teasers too. Very vigorously.

Why? Will I win? (Wish!!)"

You may recognize the above as Jan's entry. Suvi drew a name out of her drum this morning. It read Jan. She can expect a package sometime in the near future :)

It was fun, thanks for all the entries!

and as a bonus, there was a second grader's spelling list:

gettin' groovy with GAMES
totally TAKE time to try
moons MAKE mom's mad
new NAME, no news
for FLAME, fan fires.
some so SAME
but BECAME blame,
BRAKE by bland
some SNAKE sneered,
my MISTAKE.

Unclouded the sky above

2011-09-26T00:39:00.000-05:00

unbelievable love!

my darling niece became a little missus on saturday afternoon. i woke up early to get my 'hive on, zipped thru micky d's for a little latte action, and scooted the flex right out west to delaner. i was loaded down with devices of all sorts, well prepared to take care of the hair for the bride, her mama/my sissy, and two of the bride's maids/my nieces. it was a perfect day for a wedding. PERFECT!
i was acting as the photomatographerish aunt. i may or may not have taken 1,131 photos. you know, you'd hate to leave something out. plus, i can't believe how many 'blinkers' there are in my realm. the bride, the groom, the m-o-h (matron of honor), the fob, the mob...and the gmob, too! come on folks! don't be talking and don't shut your eyelids. there is plenty of time for those activities on either side of the fraction of a second when i am operating the digital shutter. i am not a professional photag, the photag-ees should be gentle with me!
truthfully, my whole body hurt today from being so happy yesterday. i told my sister this afternoon how happy i was to be able to share in the day; kristin's happiness is our joy! the wedding and reception were outdoors. a good 8 hour stint out in the fresh air and not very much sitting. PERFECT day for an auntie.

kristin and jeannine rode with me from kate's house to the wedding location. we listened to this song. the bride cried. i beamed. LOVE storyhill. i had a mad crush on chris (on the left. he's taller than he looks in this video. really tall.) since the first time i saw him in duluth when i was 18. and now we are married. not to each other, of course. it's just fun to say it that way. sigh.

AND, i made a few fascinators for funsies. i wanted my sisters to wear them during the reception...they did for a few minutes and a few pics. yay! mine was a purchase, waiting to be worn again. quick! lets plan an event fascinator worthy!

happy congratulations, kristin and mark! we love you & we loved celebrating your wedding. take good care of each other!

****the drawing will be held on Monday. i need someone else to draw a name out of the drum, to insure randomness. and the hubbinator has been sleeping for quite some time already. pretty sure he wouldn't be super fired up to draw a lucky winner at 12:37 a.m. 12:37???!!!! i gotta get to bed! be back later with the name of the lucky weeeeener!! xo****

five-oh-one.

2011-09-19T18:57:00.000-05:00

you know, this contest is bringing about just what i needed. laughter, interaction, a little mist, a little flattery...sigh. i am just so clever. yes, this was all my sinister plan to draw more from you. it is making me grin and smirk and i am much appreciative of all the entrants. yes, i am.

in VIP news, we brought her to Wayzata beach today. she was shocked to see suvi going in to the lake. this made me giggle. she wanted a photo by the water, but didn't want to mess up her shoes. this made me roar. i gave her my spare flip flops in order to spare her sandals of any dust or sand. too funny. tomorrow is our first day alone, with no hubbinator, no addis. i might be pretty much strongly wondering how it will go. hopefully it will be slick as something really slick. and stuff.

locals, hasn't the weather today been just DIVINE?! all others, you would not beLIEVE the weather today. ab fab'ly parfait. (absolutely fabulously perfect) THIS is what i am lovin', weather-wise: sun, low humidity, breeze, warm but not sweaty. fresh. inviting. i even got my used to hang-dry all my laundry arse to hang out a load today. it's folded and put away already, and it's not dark yet. i know. this weather makes me do crazy things.

i used a new/old banana bread recipe on saturday. i made it a year or two ago, gluten-free. theo liked it, but mama did NOT. me-mama, not mi mama. i wanted to try again because it calls for maple syrup instead of sugar. feels cleaner. 3 bananas, 11 oz of flour, 2 eggs...it is num.my.

if you haven't submitted an entry for the drawing yet, get over there and do it now! there is sweet loot waiting for one lucky duck. but you gotta play to win.

LOVE all y'all!!
xo ethiopifinn

You gotta play to win.

2011-09-16T23:09:00.002-05:00

here it is. my 500th post. (cascade of confetti)
my plan was a playful, celebration post...can you believe it? five hundred?
my plan was a little fishing for interaction from my readers. i am longing for some participation!
it isn't coming to me...how can i draw some reaction from my readers? i googled contests. i kind of liked this one:
Construct a sentence of at least 6 words where every word starts with the same letter. (ex-super sweet softball shoes should shine)
You cannot use a letter if another contestant has already made a sentence with that starter letter. Unless all 26 letters have already been used.
what do you think? are you ready to play to win? i want some InSPIRaTion! eLeVaTiOn! intervention? why not. i want to see your creation. enjoy your contribution. so,if you want to celebrate, if you want to enter a drawing to win this,

then you'll have to play along with me. you can enter by emailing me. (please use 'ethiopifinn' in the subject) or by commenting on this post with some mamAlliteration. i want photos. something wonderfully wonderful or horrendously ugly. i don't care which way the wind blows, i just thrive on the movement. seriously, if you want something from me, you have to knock my socks off. i want an inspirational story/experience/hope. i like limericks! a super fabulous joke? (no s-e-x or poopoo or boogies. i'll delete right after i puke.) why not compile a group of fan-freaking-tastic hairdos!? OR. a mother-in-law story, in honor of my VIP. (i roasted the coffee beans for mine today. she was tres impressed. go jenny. go jenny.) i like top five and top ten lists. just give me something, for crying out loud. i want to laugh, i want to cry, i want to snort, i want to sigh. yes. the contest is to draw a reaction from me with your contribution. me, the Queen of Everything. or we, the Queen of Ethiopifinn.
i'll give you til next friday, september 23rd. a weener will be posted on monday, september 26th-ish.

last sprinklings of summer

2011-09-13T09:37:00.002-05:00

It was hot yesterday.

a cool drink

our star

with beautiful skin. mud does that.

please, judey, don't eat rocks.

i tried a cloth diaper. it sagged down a titch. just enough to show his darling crack attack.

it is pert near half september. i'm glad summer is lingering at least one more day! so many steamy days, but such a dreamy summer. i heart camping, and we got to go TWICE!

we are getting used to sleeping upstairs. i put a couple boxes away last night, and organized all the bags and boxes of clothes and toys that we are not keeping. i just had to at least move them out of the way, so we felt like we actually have a bedroom, and not a nest in the closet. turned the bed, so our heads are to the north. i like that. north for my head please. now the hub doesn't have to climb over a table or his bride to reach his pillow. another thing, we had to switch sides initially, so i could be close to the baby monitor and get up to wrangler the chilluns who woke in the night. we are on our proper spots again--i slept so much better! (i'm on the right) strange how that can make a difference . aaaaanyhooo, the coffee cup is empty. time to stretch and stroll on over to my awesome thermos which keeps the coffee hot for HOURS.

I added a new link over there on the right under Link A link-link. Check it out, if you are so inclined.

oh man! i was going to tell you about the lump in my throat from last week. theo started sunday school and tomorrow he is going to the pre/play-school with the other 4 year old's from church. at teeny's. when larissa told me it was from 9:30 to 11:45 i about lost my lunch. i was feeling so feelingy about theo reaching this new stage...my BAAAAABY! is growing right up under my nose. that's the plan from the beginning, but i love love love having him home with me and suvi will do this big kid thing next year. what a royal rip off. maybe it's time for us to get a doggie? teehee.

***watch out. give-away on the next post. my 500th post.***

good things

2011-09-11T22:44:00.002-05:00

something good. really, really good is happening over here. i.am.so.happy.

i am not sure what it is about having my mother-in-law here, and h's sister, A...i love the feeling in the house. and we have seen sister M so much more than usual in this last week. M and I have become such good friends in the last couple of years. i so enjoy her straight forward perspective on things, and i LOVE to make her laugh. {joni, so many things about her remind me of you, and often i wish you lived near me (for many reasons), i think you would have fun with M, too. she's your kind of people. ( i miss you. and when we talked on saturday, i was thinking it was sunday, so i hope you know i meant 'on monday' and not 'tomorrow' which was sunday. lol)}
tomorrow is ethiopian new year, so with english phonetic spelling, i wish you melkam addis amet!

መልካም አዲስ ዓመት

we went to the girls' apartment for supper tonight. my mom was invited, too. it makes my heart beat joyfully that she is getting to know h's family. it's like the weave of my life basket sturdying up. like fingers lacing together. and things are not perfect.

we all had/have some adjusting to do around the VIP. she's in need of a little bolstering, so i'm pretty much going to have to get 50-75% stricter with her. (wink) you know, i love a little bump to get over and then to ponder on the construction of the bump, and why it was placed in this particular section of road, and then to plan how i will approach any sort of similar bump, should they appear on the path before me.

A is just unbelievably sweet to her mom. in the evenings she sits right next to her on the couch. i like it. she makes me smile every night. and. during the day? oh my. she does what ever she can to help her mom, too much, probably, while helping me with the kids, or just enjoying playing with them, as well as keeping the sink clear of any dirty dishes, which totally inspires me to stay on top of it. no clutter, my friends, has collected this week. my dining room buffet thing? no piles. laundry? done and done. (oh my word. A's jeans are so tiny. 26. what is that? size one? and her shirts are XS. i used kid hangers to hang them up!) yesterday their relatives came over, h said A cleaned all day while i was at my niece's bridal shower (forgot my camera) and then at work. kids toys, blankies, sweeping, straightening...busy, busy girl.

i'm no pollyanna. there are totally moments when i'm like, really? are you kidding me with this? they don't last long. family does, tho. last long, i mean. it's a good thing. super good.

i was wishing for a photo to post, alas, nothing new to share. i thought i'd post from this month 2010. look at these two cutie mccutersons.

and here they are again 11 months later. at the same lake, different shores.

and because when i came upon it i laughed, this one is for you, bette-bette-better. xo!

day three

2011-09-09T00:26:00.001-05:00

a moment i never thought, but often hoped, could happen. lunch with my mom and h's mom. together. at the same table. that means on the same continent, in the same COUNTRY!!! (they have matching expressions)

roast yer own

borrow cups and saucers from mom (these were a hand-me-next-door from sandi) and pull out the spoons from finland (to match the arabia cups)

enjoy!

i'm misty/kids don't care

2011-09-06T23:04:00.000-05:00

you have to work in the morning?
kids don't care
you had a long day?
kids don't care
bills are adding up?
kids.don't.care.

hair is greasy and messy?
kids don't care
clothes a little dated?
kids don't care
dustballs under the bed?
kids don't care

just stop.
just listen.
just ooh and aah.
just comfort and soothe.
just one more bedtime story.
from daddy. who has to work in the morning.
...
the last few days have been pretty intense. theo and suvi are feeling a little bit unsure of our VIP. she doesn't look the same as the photo we have of her, it's from a decade ago. they can't talk to her, which they knew would be the case in advance, but they didn't quite get it, she speaks amharic. suvi saved her hug and kiss until today. theo gave his yesterday at the airport, and that might be it for a while. he's having the hardest time adjusting. i'm sure he'll ease in to life with Ayat soon. judah LOVES Ayat because he can't speak much english either, they have that in common, and she shared her food with him. more than once. (he's easy.)

all of this PLUS mom and dad moved their bedroom upstairs. that's a lot of change for this house. so tonight, theo and suvi did not get to bed until 10:30 when daddy came back down to tuck them in one last time. just a little extra snuggle and reassurance. they finally fell asleep. sweet daddy.

kids just want the comfort of their parents. i had to call my mommy today for a little familiar comfort, too. and to tell her about the yummy peach and raspberry dessert i made because of the one she told me about last week. i shared a little story with her about the airport. aunty A was watching for her mom; when she spotted Ayat come through the sliding doors to the baggage claim A started running. she didn't care. she needed her mommy! it was so sweet. i cry every time i remember it. my mom did, too, when i relayed the story on the phone. the camera was ready, but honestly, the sight of mother and daughter embracing, it was too emotional. aunty A is relatively new here, just 10 months of MN under her belt. all the newness, all the decisions and bumps in the road, it is overwhelming. i couldn't take the picture with all the mist in my eyes, anyhow. it will warm my heart for quite sometime, i'm sure, the image of their reunion.

well, the house is clean.

2011-09-06T00:12:00.002-05:00

except for the upstairs (and the basement). i had to let go of getting the upstairs all figured out because we did some deeeeeep cleaning. (slash, ran out of time) mj (my ma) even pulled out the fine wood cleaner to get the yogurt and pudding off the dresser in my living room. she don't mess around.

my lofah and i tossed quite a bit of crapola out during the prep for our VIP. switched out the UGLY old bathroom light fixture. even painted our living room.

we did the east wall somewhere between these two photos. behr magic spell. and a cream color on the other walls. sweeet. no more suvi artwork-for a few days, until she finds the crayons again. or a marker. she's flexible in her graffiti. also, she likes to fluff. that's what she calls it when she uses the swiffer duster. as in "mama, can *i* fluff? i want to fluff now." yes, my love, you can fluff.

there's a new rug in the living room. it's an indoor/outdoor, not too scratchy! i was taking a photo of the old rug to maybe put on craig's list, and these two kept darting in front of the camera. had to indulge them. stinkers!!!

i scrubbed that shower at least five times since we moved in. ;) i tried scrubbing bubbles, lysol, baking soda, vinegar, regular old lime away, boomtastic, fantastic...nothing would budge the build-up.

eew. was it really as bad as this picture? ish.

until...clr BATH and KITCHEN. dude. it is a strong chemical, but it totally changed my life. seriously. because, five years we've been here, and i've hated this shower every time i have stepped in it.
this week i worked on the walls an hour or so at a time. last night h's sis helped me by scrubbing the tub. we used this scrubby thing. soooo much better. i love it. i was sweating scrubbing the shower walls and she was right there in the tub with me workin' it.

before finishing the shower, tho, Auntie A watched the kiddos and Husband H took me on a date. we drove to Smashburger, vetoed it even tho i have a groupon for the place, even tho the food is pret.ty yummy. wasn't in the mood for that kind of chairs. as if you aren't that picky. sheesh. considered heading out to plywood for a little wild wings action, but we *might* have been there the night before with the kids. what. it was a holiday weekend. practically vacation. waiting at the stop light on winnetka and 55 still debating where to eat...when the light changed...friday's. i know. we are all about the chain restaurants. i like predictable sometimes, because the rest of life surely is not. :) and yes, ann, i did get a burger and fries. there was avacado. does that count for some variety? heh.

auntie A and her sis always help me so much over here...they don't read my blog, but THANKS A & M!!! (not the university) there were some finishing touches to be done around here today and then...

about 4:00 our VIP landed. h's mother! it's been 4 years since they have seen each other. i couldn't help but tear up. all day.

it is a wickedly long trip, 23 hours of travel time. today is the first time the kids and i have been able to see her. i am so so so happy she is here. one teeny problem: we don't speak a common language.

berlitz should add an amharic lesson to their language tapes. (oh, wait. they do have lessons available i meant to say rosetta stone.) for ME. what a wonderful Monday!!!!

well, that shower is not going to clean itself.

2011-09-02T11:03:00.000-05:00

As per yuge (usual?), I am shirking my plans of attacking this house. It's like that paralysis I mentioned a while back: it's as if the anticipation of the task steps on my chest and won't let me up. Ooh. And then, a foggy, boggy net encapsulates my brain, so thinking even becomes near impossible. And then a huge vat of glue pours itself on my backside, so that when I sit in order to muster some gumption to start or continue my POA (plan of action) or IA (intended agenda), my butt is stuck to the chair. It must be Gorilla Glue. They are always bragging how much stickabilty is has. Today, I'm not in labor, about to squeeze a VW through a tunnel the size of a manicotti, or laboring over a paper about the darkness of scandinavian literature. I have to finish cleaning my house in prep for our aforementioned VIP.

Now I get why people like to keep things organized and tidy. Less angst.

part of the switcheroo mess...

it's going to be a tough choice

2011-09-01T13:25:00.000-05:00

or, Haapala kids have a windfall Christmas. Either title will do. THIS is a shout out and a link to admire the work of a very talented young woman (and really, really cute cute cute pics of my kids). Just in case you didn't see her blog over there on the right under My Daily Must Reads. Go on, now. Check it out. :)

stone arch bridge and a caribou crossing

2011-08-30T23:36:00.002-05:00

downtown

that'd be the mighty mississip'

my sils are so beautiful

I would like these fluffy, feathery plants in front of my house next year.

purple flowers are da bomb

my sugar boogar and me

those apartments are in NE mpls

we bumped into a group of my pals...a send off as a Northern Bird migrated

(hope you are enjoying it up there, my yooper friend!)

but the afternoon before that, at a caribou in the dreaded maple grove,

a beautiful thing appeared...

a little surprise visit

it takes all kinds.

2011-08-29T12:54:00.001-05:00

i'm pretty lax, as a rule.

natural is good, not-so natural is good (if we're talking haircolor).

eating dinner out for a date is wonderful, eating drive-thru in the car with the kids parked in the shade is wonderful.

dark denim jeans are hot and my favorite thing to wear with a cute tank top.

black yoga pants are not hot and my favorite thing to wear with a regular tank top.

eating meals at the table is a really good practice, and keeps the living room clean.

i'm pretty lax on that rule.

it does create some messes that would be better contained to the vinyl flooring in the dining room. and more hand prints on the living-room everything.

a couple of weeks ago i was talking about a long-time friend with her sister. it was more about the difference in parenting between the two sisters, and the long-time friend sets her kids up with little trays for breakfast, instead of at the table. i totally understand this concept of parenting. it's called, do what works best to keep your head on straight. the conversation just popped in my mind this morning and made me giggle as i was carrying three bowls into my living room. i can imagine the shock and dismay for some parents at this style of serving our kids. it works for both of us, my pal and me. motherhood: it takes all kinds!

(we do eat meals together at the table. and we do eat meals together in the living room. i know. we are nutser than you thought!)

somebody's walking, should i let him in

2011-08-26T23:20:00.000-05:00

lawd it's my baby, would you look at him!
you've heard about him, but (maybe) you've never seen
he's got brown eyes and brown jeeeeeaaaans!

HOORAY! Our Judah boy has started to walk. Tonight while I was at work he walked from the kitchen to the living room saying "Wa wa wa wa wa wa wa waaaaa!" He's been taking a couple-three steps for a week, and earlier today he was running behind one of those push toy/ride on things. And laughing. I'm excited. Can you tell? My BAAAAAby is walking.

a risks-it, attacks it, green and yellow basket

2011-08-24T20:12:00.000-05:00

there's been something on my mind of late, well, a bunch of things, truth be told, but this particular thing was first on the list. i had to tell my heart temperature to a group of people. no one was forcing me to make any declarations, but in my head and in my gut i knew the climate of my heart had to be revealed, all jokes aside. i told them how much i care about them, how big i want to spend time with them, and that hopefully we can meet up in the spring. (oh, did i say spring? because i was thinking spring.) i realize one omission, however. didn't seem to mention that there are two huge reasons why i hope they'll see me in the spring, rather than this fall: we're having a VIP to stay for september, maybe more, and, i really don't have any moolah set aside right now. that small reason is a really big reason, but the first reason is the main reason why i can't be gallivanting around the midwest in the coming season.

so i went right on ahead and said it first. "Youse are super fantastic." the whole conversation had been on the back burner; tonight, i just had to clean the stove top.

in preparation for the aforementioned VIP, we are in the midst of a house-al overhaul. we're moving our bedroom upstairs, making our current room into the guest room. the upstairs is our toy disaster zone. i am determined to sort all those various sizes and shapes and make definite homes for them in the kids' bedroom. we're painting the living room. one wall done. i have to declutter the kitchen, this computer desk, my purse...heh, heh. i've done a really thorough job decluttering the checking account, so that's good. er, wait. anyhoo, this house organizing and minimizing is a rather overwhelming task. i'm sure i'll be up until 3 am the day before our VIP arrives. which will ensure some lovely dark circles under my eyes, detracting from my voluminous chins/cheeks. see? everything has it's purpose. oh yeah, i need a new shower curtain. the green one is ripped. the hubbinator and i are going to try figure out how to put up the new light fixture in there, too.

OOH! my head be a jumbled! my whole point is, i'm happy i told who i told what i told. it cleared the way for me to think about this pressing matter of all the matter of facts within these four walls. i got a lot of cleaning to do, lucy.

go ahead and say it

2011-08-24T19:41:00.000-05:00

i couldn't say it first.
and when the day came
night, actually,
i said it under the cover of
bluegrass music
or reggae
i still don't know if he heard me
then.

if he wakes in the night when i've been tending to the kids
he says it.
at lunch time
he says it.
before he sleeps
he says it.

suvi says
i love you, too
even when she says it first.
so go ahead and say it.

blaze; blah-zay

2011-08-23T23:40:00.000-05:00

what do you do when you are feeling blahze about blogging?

first, i blog hop.

then, i change my template background.

lastly, i hit the hay, cuz morning comes early 'round these parts.

aaaaand...cut. that's a wrap peeps.

i totally got tapped looking in the neighbor's window. don't worry, it's the empty house, the new owners (who, poor things, had to pay cash for the place.) have been overhauling it by hiring many sorts of contractors. in that sense, i can appreciate the inconvenience of having to contend with obnoxious "investment" owners. granite counters in a pocket size kitchen? why not. making the deck easily accessable from the kitchen & dining room by putting in a sliding/deck door? why would ya. i'm pretty sure it's much better to walk half-way 'round the house to sit on your brand new deck. (what? i am NOT bitter)

um, we couldn't quite figure out what was shaking with this lady who crossed the road in front of us last week. i love hancock. you never know who you'll bump into.

and did i mention we were camping and that it was perfect? it was.

i love this girl. i love this photo. i love her playful heart and her almost endless bounce. this just might be my fave image of the summer. or of any summer. ever.

copper country

2011-08-19T23:13:00.002-05:00

None of us were ready to leave yesterday. I was bummed we didn't plan for a couple more days. The weather was ab fab. I really felt so good with all that fresh air and sunshine and NO humidity. This morning Suvi asked H if we could go back today. She wanted to check on her sand castles and sand trains.

Summer in the Copper Country is Da Pest, eh?

I don't think we quite got enough face time, so I'll be expecting you any day now, Ladies.

second verse, same as the first!

2011-08-12T22:51:00.003-05:00

at the sal-on there are mirrors on the east and west walls, so that when you look in the mirror from my station at MOE working on a head at his chair, his reflection is infinite. it's fun when clients and children discover this repetition of reflections!

you know what's not fun? discovering my own repetitions of reflection. about my weight.

i'm so sick of my own whining!!! honestly!

...

sand waves rocks

sand

waves

rocks

birch

coffee?

talking

laughing

sighing

copper

eagle

fire

bear?

you can scrub the walls

and paint them!

sort the toys

and hide them!

sew the clothes

and aprons!

read. call. create.

look up on your walk

(don't hang your head)

look up, look forward.

feel, forgive, for ever.

a mother's burden (wink;)

2011-08-12T15:52:00.000-05:00

Dear Judah,

You are a darling boy, and a very pleasant, easy-going baby. I am so thankful you are healthy. And I *am* truly happy you have healthy bowels. But. How 'bout we save some of that happiness for Daddy? Sharing is caring, m'boy.

Love, Mama

I'm not the only bad liar in this house.

2011-08-11T16:41:00.000-05:00

I just turned around to find Suvi standing on the ottoman looking in the mirror with a pen in her hand. "I'm *not* writing on my eye. See?"

Oh, my dolly.

halo, my little baszbee

2011-08-08T15:53:00.000-05:00

sooo sleepy, but i'm not acomplainin'!

2011-08-06T08:36:00.001-05:00

the last two nights were quite busy for me. i worked. and i talked. and laughed.

thursday night i was able to swing out to my old stomping grounds (perkin's--i so was remembering the feeling of happy anticipation for a night with diet coke, s-m-o-k-e-s, and much chatter as i was rounding holiday and pulling in to the parking lot under that huge u.s. flag) and stayed out until MIDNIGHT. i won't name names, but two of the women are sisters, one of whom is single, the other just moved to a new, peachy part of the country, and the third woman is their curly haired, pt maternal-cousin. lots of laughter and shushing and whispering and general chattering. i grinned the whole drive home!

friday night, i took an 8:30 client, which is not unusual, but i did not lock up the shop until 10:35--that is a lengthy haircut appointment! a darling, first apartment-mate friend. we stood at the door for probably an hour with our keys in our hands. good-bye-ing many, many times. e, we should have sat in the comfy chairs!! the moon was beautiful on the drive home, a sort of orangey smile.

when the baby woke us up at 6:41 this morning, i started wheelin' and dealin' with the hubbinator: if you get up today, i'll get up tomorrow and you can sleep. he agreed, but...i told him to go back to bed. he had a looooong week what with his wife out gallivanting (i thought that word should be spelled 'galavanting', but whatever!) till all hours of the night ;)

hi ho, hi ho, it's back to work i go! refreshed from two evenings of friendly conversations.

I am sorry to be the bearer of badnews

2011-08-04T15:53:00.000-05:00

but these bad boys are sold out.

I hate to disappoint!

turtle

2011-08-03T21:41:00.001-05:00

when we started dating, H would watch tv with his shirt unbuttoned, and if it was really hot, - gasp! - off. and he wore a gold necklace. these things were painfully exotic and risque to me. i could barely even look at him in that state of undress. funny how things change.

we were out in public. can you imagine? the buttons are there to keep your shirt closed, dude, not to hang your fancy shades on. teehee! i didn't even notice until i started organizing this post. my hubby. quite the exhibitionist. (he hasn't been wearing the necklace lately, it's in his top drawer)

i agree with judah's shirt. his dad *is* rad.

this is the big news over here as of tuesday...we have a turtle.

my theo, our sweetie pie first born darling stinkerdoodle got to bring a turtle home from the clinic yesterday. he had a cold, and it turned into this...difficult breathing. boo, i say. our doc is not saying asthma, yet. (i have asthma) it could be coincidental, but today he had cottage cheese twice, coughing started a few minutes after he finished eating. sigh.

i am thankful we have a pediatrician that we trust, that we have insurance, and that the nebulizer works. the first treatment in the clinic was scary for theo, but it really made a big difference. it was really humid yesterday, i had to carry him into the clinic, he just couldn't catch his breath. he walked out on his own, holding his crackers and chocolate. he had a second treatment before bed last night, and then again about 1:30 a.m. i was nervous his new bunkbed was irritating his lungs, so i made him sleep in our bed. he didn't need a treatment until 2:30 this afternoon. improvement! we'll go back to the clinic next week to check him over again. for now, he's totally chipper and chatty and playing like usual. atta boy!

sweet little tootsie-wootsie

2011-08-01T22:28:00.000-05:00

I didn't ask for permission to post this little lady's photo, so I won't show you her absolutely beautiful little face and perfect soft black hair, but trust me, she is so perfectly lovely. She is 5 weeks old and her Mommy is a friend. And seriously. Look at those perfect little leggies and precious lines on her ankles. The fresh babies are so easy to hold and love and want to smooch!

The diaper cover came from JitterBeans; it came with a hat, and I ordered a couple other things. All really fun, soft, and so well made! I need a new baby so I can have this hat in my collection:

What a HOOT! (i borrowed the photo from her Etsy page)

six steps to a taller you

2011-07-29T08:06:00.000-05:00

can i just say one thing?/mental illness loves a good beehive

2011-07-27T15:41:00.001-05:00

before you dive into this post, let me just say, while i am not a doctor nor am i a mental health professional, i am indeed a professional hairdresser. i'm more of a 'atop the head' specialist, rather than an 'inside the head' specialist. keep that in mind as you read; this is my opinion, my perspective.

there has been a lot of media coverage on the death of singer Amy Winehouse. she was found dead in her apartment last weekend. there has been much talk of her drug addiction, i've heard radio talk show hosts comment on how unsurprising her death is, i've seen sarcasm over her death and drug use on fb and online media outlets, i had a conversation with a woman yesterday who was rather frustrated at the air time her death and lifestyle have had this week. in light of the killings in Norway, Miss Winehouse's dramatic passing seemed trivial. she chose her environment, her drugs, her ex-husband, her early exit from rehab programs; meanwhile the young people in Norway did not choose to be in a high-risk situation, it came to them.

yet these stories are closer related than they seem. mental illness, depression and psychosis. tell me, who chooses this? who chooses death? mental illness is real. life is not so simply explained that some people are inherently bad, selfish, and lazy. i never met amy winehouse, of course, she may have been inherently wicked, but it seems to me that she was probably looking for a way to cope with herself. if she had the skills to make healthy choices, and couldn't despite her brain knowing what she should do, but wasn't emotionally capable at times, imagine her inner pain and frustration.

now, take any disdain you have for this celebrity-remember, this was her livelihood, music and performing, we, as a culture, have asked to know about her private life-and remember that she is a sibling and a daughter. what if she were your daughter. what if your daughter's bi-polar disorder took over her life and squeezed all her common sense out, stealing her from you, as well as from herself. tell me how much you don't care about your daughter. tell me how much she, as a sister, was so selfish and entitled. she's 27 now, at the time of her death, but think back to her childhood. how you fed her at your breast, attended to her every care with wonder and amazement. how you revelled in all her developments, how she first made eye contact with you, and knew you as her mother, how she sat up alone, then walked, all the while, lighting up when she saw you, how fun it was to put her first ponytail in her hair, how you love to see it grow. think of how your heart ached at her failures and when you couldn't kiss her heartaches away anymore. think of the gift of a voice and music you watched grow in your little child, and how it touched the hearts of people you'd never even dream of.

no, i have no idea if any of that were true for amy winehouse. she does have a family who love her, devastated by her death. addiction and mental illness, in my mind, are often coupled for a scary and torturous existence. i understand trying to cope with a sort of un-named pain. as a teenager i would distract myself by listening to music if i was alone, but really spent as much time as i could with my friends. in my late-teens and 20's i kept a very detailed diary of my angst (ooh, it's a pathetic and comical read, now!), i made art and stayed out of the house, then i smoked, i dabbled in the excitement of the downtown nightlife... now, i eat. a lot. i've gained 20 pounds since march. not the direction i need to be moving. i'm embarrassed of the way i look, how big my belly is. my body hurts, especially my feet. it's ugly. i know that. i feel it in the way some people look at me. i hear it everywhere, talk. about fat. and i know just how unhealthy it is to over eat, and especially to eat such fake-o foods. i can be in the drive-thru thinking, 'what am i doing here? i'll just order a soda, or just a sandwich, i don't need this food. am i even hungry? but i do need it. i eat compulsively. it isn't who i am, but it gets in the way of me living my life as who i am. it pains my family to see me so fat. it pains me. it isn't fun. yet i haven't been able to make myself better. so. do you hate me for it? are you disgusted when you see me eat? i know. i don't like to watch fat people eat, either. it's not pretty. and i AM a fat people. you know what? i don't want to be fat. i don't want to weigh two hundred seventy pounds, double what i should. but right now, this is my reality. truthfully, i want to be de-fat-ified. and i do know HOW to do it.

what will tip me back up on my feet (ACK! I look like a weeble!)?

i'm not sure. maybe amy winehouse, and the norwegian crazy guy. yes, i am huger than the both of 'em put together, but they are waaaay nutser than me.

I'll be wearing a beehive hairdo today, and as many days as i can swing it, to remind myself of the importance of mental health care. mental illness loves a good beehive. and because i don't wanna go to rehab, i said no, no no. I've loved Amy Winehouse's hair, almost as much as I love my daughter's, my Suvi's, hair.

(i found this photo from google image, then cropped to edit out her tatt and lightened, to show off her 'do.)

**I am in no way saying that we are not, as individuals, regardless of our lot in life, responsible for our own choices. Yes, consequences are real, are important, in some cases, lethal. I am suggesting that we let some love out into the world with a huge beehive on our head and see what comes of it. If you are struggling with depression, as I do, please seek help. I take a medication, and need fresh air, sunshine, exercise, and proper rest. The only part of my regimine that I am faithfully following is my med. Yes, improvement is on the horizon for me. Other parts of my healing are time/conversations with my dear friends, reading, blogging, and caring for my family. And wearing a beehive!!!!!

Coco Puffs!

2011-07-26T23:38:00.000-05:00

I like how hairdos, like all fashion, circle and return in popularity. The Farah hair from the '70's, Beatles hair and shags of the '60's, voluminous updo's from the 50's. I really love natural hair, too. Don't get me wrong, highlighted, dark rich chocolates, perfect copper...color is my favorite, but sometimes, I love to see natural hair. Well, curly hair, curly, instead of smoothed with heat or chemicals. Like this baseball player.

Coco Crisp had a sweet 'fro earlier this year. WHAT COULD BE BETTER!!?

Top Ten Things You NEED To Know TODAY

2011-07-24T23:29:00.001-05:00

10) If I ever made my own ice cream, I am pretty sure it would be vanilla malt ice cream with marshmallow cream swirl, peanut butter swirl, a fudgie component, and some kind of crunch-- like fudge dipped oreos, or some graham cracker crunchies, or just pretzels.

9) I figured out--finally--the title for my movie, or should I say, one of my screen plays: Meet Me In St Louis

Park.

8)I am still thinking about a weekend away for the LBC (Lady Blogger Crew). Can we camp? Or find a steal of a deal on a place that would include a fire pit, and hopefully a body of water?

7) Since it's my idea, I get to make the rules, and will be accepting applications for membership to the LBC.

6) If you are part of the HHC, you are exempt from making an application, because you are OBVIOUSLY necessary in the success of the weekend, and member of LBC by default.

5) I found an outfit to wear to my niece's wedding in September. Separates including a long skirt, patterned cami, and a soft and bright shrug.

4) Got the message LOUD and CLEAR from my mother that I will have to do some shoe shopping (Mj: "What shoes are you going to wear?" Ethiopifinn: "Well, I thought these," motioning to my fancy little flip flops. Mj: "Ohh.")

3) Our new car is really easy to drive and I have never been so protective feeling over a car before.

2) H got stung by a bee this evening. (Not the front door guys, but from the same family, I bet.)

and the number one random for this fine feathered ethiopifinn...

Today was the most beautiful day of the summer (so far!) and I loved my nap in the morning, lunch at the lake in the afternoon, grilled brats and potatoes in the evening, and this time between the kids going night-night and me hittin' the hay.

cleaning house.

2011-07-23T21:16:00.002-05:00

i moved my mamalliteration posts to this blog. i just can't live in two places. it's difficult enough to keep track of my shoes in one house, let alone trying to remember what goes where, when ;)
there hasn't been much interest in my posts over there, so...i cleaned that pad out.

last wednesday i spent an hour and a half in our upstairs (which is our guest room/toy disaster area) sorting through a humongous basket of legos. i sorted the big bricks into a huge bin, and the other two types of bricks into two smaller bins.

when i got home from work today, aching feet (i dropped my end of a dresser on the top of my feet several months ago, sometimes that spot still hurts), hungry, animated kids, full bladder, to see the huge bin of bricks in the living room, with other toys mixed in. i 'bout walked right out the front door. i was *this* close, but my feet were really hurting! i have a wonderful husband. yes, i do! but it seems to me, he doesn't see my organization attol (at all). even though i am very cluttery, i do understand the effort and the enjoyment of giving all our things a space of their own. did i mention i was sweating like a head to toe sauna-type sweat on wednesday afternoon when i was (ahem, nearly in my birthday suit, *on* my birthday) upstairs with no fan trying to make way for a guest? i did? yeah. i did a good job sorting and sweating. i wanted it to stay that way, but children insist on playing with their toys.

[...edit/remove 7/28]

on the upside, i got myself a lovely little purple and white check apron for $.79 at the thrifty today. WOOT! i'm wearing it now...

i find it humorous that i didn't noticed the kids' rocker tipped forward until i saw this photo!

i have a similar pink and white check apron from the same thrift a couple years back. makes me wonder if the same gal donated them.

what's the point? just like any good habit, you have to keep practicing over and over.

I will keep practicing poetry, making room for it here. I will keep sorting, til we as a family get the hang of it, and it becomes second nature to put the books in the drawer, not the lego bin. teehee!

IT'S OFFICIAL!

2011-07-22T00:14:00.004-05:00

I have made it three dozen years to the ripe age of

36.

I asked my husband to, well, let me rephrase that, I told H to take my picture with my gifts. He took quite a few shots, none of them were super de duper. I thought it might be better to grab a pic of the gifts alone.

H picked out the purse for me. I didn't expect anything; I love the surprise and the bag is fantastic! I was drooling over the book, my Mom ordered it from Amazon. Serious. She totally surprises me (the online shopping and the actual gift!) Much fun.

Seeing as the photographic representation appeared undesirable, retouching seemed a viable option. In this manner we can gaze upon my sub-par retouch of my sub-chin chin. (Brita, are you prepared to edit my chinny chin chin into just one chin?)

Hey. Guess where I first heard about this book?

N.P.R! haha!

Last weekend the hubbinator was outta town getting rowdy, I suppose, with his pals. Gramma helped out a bit; it did surprised me how well I coped, however. (that is until last night (he got home tues @ 2 a.m.--4 hrs late due to weather on the east coast) when i blew my top (yes, even on my birthday, i got a leeetle bit stricter) over whiny kids and whiny husband--teehee) Theo was quite anxious for Daddy to return on Monday night. He couldn't bear to go to bed. He tried for a while, but then I just let him stay up with me. I like the kinds of conversations we have when we're relaxed, the two of us cozied up on the couch with the Bachelorette. (what. it's totally a good show, comPLETELY kid-appropriate.) AAAnyhoo, he ended up getting hungry, so he had a sandwich around 9. He likes roast beef and provolone. When we got the news that Daddy's plane was delayed, he went off to bed with my promise that Dad would come in and kiss him as soon as he arrived home. The photo is so very blurry, but I get a kick out of the way he holds his food...like a tray, on the palm of his hand, rather than in his fingers.

Last night my Mom and Shirley stopped over to deliver a birthday cake and the book. H dashed out on some errands, so we fine ladies enjoyed our dessert with the kids. Today, while Judah was napping, they had another little sample of birthday cake. Theo's bowl with his unwanted frosting was forgotten. Judey boy, not long after he awoke, enjoyed the lapse, helping himself to a sweet treat. He is 14 months now, already saying "cheese" (or an approximation) when he sees the camera. Judo Chop, you are too cute!

To celebrate my birthday with the kids, we went grocery shopping mid-morning. Mainly we hit up the nearest super tarzjay, which can be a scene for much begging and pleading "just to look at the toys, mommy." Normally I get firm and crabby about the thought of looking/hearing theo whine, and trying to catch up to suvi wandering all the aisles with pink toys. (today she told me pink is for girls and blue is for boys, as she was coloring. i said that yes, sometimes, but girls don't own a color and boys don't own a color, because all the colors are for sharing. yep, she agreed) I decided to be calm and enjoy their observations about the toys, and we were in the toy department for quite.some.time. It was my intention to get a little something for the bigger two, since I love gifts, and giving them is just as fun. (I gave my boss a mug with a funny photo and a cute photo of him and his wife. for my bday.) Suvi chose a little tin pencil box and a pack of markers. Theo got a little tonka truck. Chuck. Today, while I was resting my eyes on the couch-ola, Suves got to work with her new markers. And a fine job she did.

her legs were quite stripey, mostly green with a few brown accents.

She loves to wear my heels. I can't jam my pudgy tootsies in these anymore; she enjoys them too much for me to throw 'em out.

Theo has such personality. I don't know if he was a bad guy or a super hero in this photo.

There was a limb down on a tree across the street, we watched the city workers clean it all up. They were so fast! The main part of the clean-up was done in 20 minutes!

A lovely day. And wow. A birthday on FB does NOT go unnoticed!

all the buzz

2011-07-19T08:23:00.000-05:00

yesterday when my Mom came over, she thought something flew in with her.
four hours later, after she'd gone home, suvi spotted a wasp in the living room. i opened the front door to let it out, suvi went to get the broom, in case we needed to encourage that bee towards the exit.
this is what we found between the storm and front doors.
sigh.

now i have to do something about it...we'll do some figuring and purchasing today, and when the sun goes down, there is going to be some removal going on around here!

one more thing

2011-07-17T21:53:00.001-05:00

one more sip of water,
slide,
piece of chocolate;
one more story,
one more you tube video,
one more pair of skechers.

one more thing.
not.one.more.thing!

one more snuggle,
one more laugh,
one more secret,
one more day of imagining the 'wouldn't it be funny'.
one more new word, concept, height.

just when i think my head is full,
or my heart full to bursting,
there's one more thing.
to remind me how wonderful it is to hear
one more thing.

mama loves you, mister.
and, one more thing?
more than you can see!!!!

anonypoll

2011-07-15T09:11:00.000-05:00

the 'wait, where's the c' is cracking me up.

you laugh at your own jokes, too! bwahahahaaaa!!

raindrops on roses

2011-07-14T14:05:00.001-05:00

i'm ready to find a new post here on my little blog, but it hasn't revealed itself as of yet...

But it should be something sparkly and bright.

heh, heh.

it's gray and wet here today.
last week i ordered some new shoes for theo; the honkin' huge shoes that will maybe fit him next year arrived today. so now i have the task of finding some light-up lace-up sneakers for my finicky 4 year old who doesn't care much for velcro. ;)

it's just training/fairytales and forgetting.

2011-07-10T16:01:00.002-05:00

Louis C.K.

On life, parenting, on stand-up

"I feel more capable as a person than I did in my 20's and 30’s.
Talking about preparing himself for life on the road doing stand-up. Writing an hour of material for a year and a special, then throwing it away and starting fresh for the next year.
"To do that you really have to be at a top physical shape… I trained in boxing gyms with boxing trainers, and uh, and sort of approached every special as the fight, sort of my new title fight. I didn’t have a goal to lose weight or look better, but I lost weight to get more stamina.

"When you are boxing? You have to think under pressure. And that’s what stand up is like. So it was a good kind of a metaphorical training."

"‘It’s just training, you just gotta train, you just gotta be in shape.’ That’s all it is, is just getting in the gym and being dedicated enough? to do the grunt work and the boring, constant training so that you’ll be fit enough to take the beating."

These excerpts are from a Terry Gross interview on NPR. I know, I know. You either love NPR, or you can't believe their liberal slant, but whatever. This is my blog, and I LIKE NPR. So there. (see, i have these insecurities all over the place! who cares if i like what i like and you like what you like? we are grown ups here, i shouldn't--i don't have to worry whether my penchant for talk radio bothers anyone. for the record, i also listen to myTalk 107.1. it's like people magazine on the radio. and yes, i DO still buy the occaisional cd, instead of downloading new music, because i like the cover artwork, and to read the 'thank yous' and see who wrote the songs. phew! got THAT off my chest). Anyhoo, I hadn't heard of this man, this Louis C.K. before I heard him being interviewed. It was very interesting and inspiring, listening to his version of life. (I like this. I like to pull together all the edges of the blanket to carry my load. and then I can lay it out in the sun and admire the patchwork, sewn together with many prints and patterns and textures to form one beautiful quilt.)

He also mentioned how depression is part of his existance, and how his children make it doable. That even if he wants to roll over and go back to bed, he can't. They are awake and ready to be fully alive, and they need to eat and get their teeth brushed and get to school. So he has to wake up and take care of the kids, which is partly how he cares for himself.

To paraphrase...Its not about having a really hot spirit, I just have to work hard. Work really hard; wake up early and really challenge myself. So I can have stamina. -louis c.k. What it means to me? It means, well...even when i feel so lowly inside, i must muscle through and work hard. This is the season of raising my children. For Theo, for Suvi, for Judah, I will challenge myself to be stronger. To have physical and emotional stamina. So that their childhood isn't that of emotional survival, but of building and skipping and silliness and hugs and teethbrushing and baths and bedtime stories.

Just before I heard the interview, I'd written parts of the following text. It's raw. Sometimes life is that way. And while I don't feel myself spinning into nothing, I have moments and sometimes parts of a couple days in a row, when tiredness, weariness, drudgery cling close to my head, pinch into my heart. And to positively confess, and to reassure you as my friends and my peeps, I am okay. While the sad and openness that follows is a bit scary to think or feel, it is much scarier to share. Because it's just a moment of my life, and not the general picture. I was sharing the grief of two great lives lost, perhaps. The news of a young life ended, and a gone-too-soon father, having had many losses of his own, well, I felt some of that sadness, and couldn't quite shake it. Those couple of days are passed now, and I feel home in myself again; building my stamina. I feel the lightness of the joy of my children, the future.

    i'm really in a weak and vulnerable place. I can see myself making bad choices, like with food right now, and not being even and consistant enough with my kids. It's scaring me. Like, i'm just so completely aware of my longing for [something], knowing that is not likely to happen, and that with all these cracks exposed in my personal foundation, I mean these walls are moving, that it's probably better that I not [make that commitment]. At least not now. Not when I'm so...ugh. Not when I'm so unsure of me and how each day will be. We never are, right? I mean, who can ever really know what lies before them, rather, ahead? We don't know, ever, what tomorrow brings. That's the thing. That's just trusting I will be intentionally and purposefully led. Faith. But when my thoughts are so messy, when my life is cluttered with my wandering concentration, and, honestly, laundry, toys, unpaired shoes... It's better not to contaminate...perfect little people with the confusions of a mother with depression.
   i can see it in their eyes, when I've had a trembly day, they know I'm the Mommy who loves them, but they need to be sure of me. They need to know that I love them through my sighing and huffing and stifled tears and the unfortunate escaping shout. They need to brush that away, or prop it up, or sometimes climb over it to see their Mommy.
    I'm 35 years old and at times the thought comes to me how nice it'd be to sit in my Mother's lap. So if my 3 and 4 year old need that 76 times a day, then they need me. And sometimes I push them away, so they only get 70 special moments. That is not enough. Yes, I will tend to my own needs, but not at the cost of my darling babes' hearts. They are not to blame if sometimes I treat myself poorly. They needn't be bogged down because I want to suspend time and Reality to wallow for a while.
   i'm afraid. I'm really afraid of messing up their bright and shining little minds. When I see the hiccups in their personalities, their compensations and copings, it squeezes my chest. I want them to wake up praising God for another glorious day to walk in His creations. And to be lights. And to feel the joy of the breath of life and loving.

I'm sorry, my sweet babes, for the extra bumps and hitches. But it's not for lack of loving you!

So. I'll have to celebrate the sunny days and remember I'm carried through the stormiest ones. And trust God can bolster you when mommy leans too heavy, and hope you'll understand the dearness of forgiveness. I want to be strong and have stamina, and laugh at ALL the knock-knock jokes you can muster.

Later, I had another wave, with some realizations and clarity about another area in my heart. I've mentioned how my childhood memories are few and far between. Meanwhile, a couple of other peeps in my world have memories that don't ring true with rest of us. It is a point of conflict, as the "fairytale tellers" relay a story, those of us who don't remember it quite that way try to tamp down that "flare up". And correct.

   It's all coping. It suddenly made sense to me, all of these forged and created memories. [In her mind,] there just has to be a reason why she's always felt so sad and bad and injured. 'Yes, these fantasy-land things make so much more sense when weighed against the heaviness of my heart. It must have been so, yes, it was my life, so tragic (not, as it were, simply the grey that is survival alone), triumphant! I can gaze at my history with the perspective of having climbed this mountain behind me.' Even tho it's actually a molehill. You see?

it's the same as NOT remembering. Making it up, blocking it out. Coping. I can understand, accept, repent, forgive, love.

I will try, from this point forward, to support the dream, and make room for the other versions of the past. We can never go back on a fact checking mission, so why upset ourselves, why try to straighten out a curving branch. It isn't, after all, weighty enough to bring down the house in any kind of storm. And I will build my stamina, build up my strength for the morning and afternoon and eveningtime of today. This is where I am; here. Today.

2011-07-09T15:49:00.001-05:00

"I am Po, and I'm 'onna need a hat.". Dragon Warrior! Be your own dragon warrior. XO

T-13 days

2011-07-07T10:30:00.000-05:00

SOMEBODY you know may be turning 36 very soon.
36 is closer to 40 than I'VE ever been.
36 isn't young OR old. it's a weird age.
at 26 i was young (and cuter)
being a hairdresser is really good for curing the gossip itch. peeps tell me their business and i can know it or forget it and all parties remain in tact.
sometimes fellow bloggettes post things about blood pressure that really make me wish i heard it from my chair, so i could pry a few more deets and satisfy my nosey nature.
the book i've been reading for a while, but much more the last few days is really intense. it's called Little Bee.
my older 2 children may or may not be clothed at this very moment.
judah cries, sometimes, when the naked kids cry.
i've been having some fabulous times lately: camping up north, stillwater... so nice.
i'm ready for the big lake. it's superior, you know.
yesterday morning we went to the splash pad, and then to costco. plus i picked-up a starbucks from the drive-thru, while driving our new ride. i like to be back in a ford.
i just put judey-boy down for a nap, so i gots ta get a move on. a bit of laundry, a shower, some potential cleaning (let's hope the nap doesn't last that long)
i've lost a pound for each of the diets i've started and stopped in the past 2 months. (3) that's a record!
i like to find the silver lining.

HOOLAI

2011-07-04T09:25:00.000-05:00

That is how I say July. Yesterday, we drove right on over to Stillwater. It were lurvly. An ab-fab day!

love lake love

2011-06-30T16:26:00.000-05:00