Yesterday was so easy and cool,
today i am totally sticky and sweating it.
It? Life. It is one of those, "life ain't easy, Cinderella, get back up in that attic," sort of days.
I am not quite sure if I am feeling like the over-worked princess or the egocentric big footed, step sister, trying to jam my foot into that delicate slipper.
I had a nice lunch time get together with the Childhood friends out in D e l * n o. Theo doesn't know the other kids, having only seen them a couple-three times. He is at the following age, now, wanting to interact with other kids, but not fully a friend seeker. When the two other boys noticed him (after more than an hour at the park) Theo was talking about the Thomas trains. The other boys are not so familiar with Thomas, and I don't think they have television. They were ready to include him in their play--they lined up their chairs like a choo-choo, but my Lovebug didn't quite get it. I was happy they seemed to welcome him, and feel horrible angst over him finding friends in church.
I don't want to put my issues on him, sweet baby boy, and I think every mom wants their child to fit in. I was always on the fringes, now even more so, and it is very important for me that he have Christian friends. My heart is so torn. I was even thinking that we should probably move out there. I have NEVER wanted to live in that town, but I so want the kids to be close to those kids. I don't want to live in a place where I feel judged for the length of time I breast feed my baby, or whether or not we choose vaccinations, or eat oreo's after lunch. I don't want to teach my children that faith is lived by the law, rather than by grace. I want to teach them that we are meant to live our life to glorify God, and do his will, and live under the protection of the gift of Forgiveness, since we are going to falter. I want to raise my children with children like the one's I lived near from the time I was 10. Without the other painful things that occur when we let the innocence of childhood fade and let that purity get a little clouded with "grown-up" thought. Oh! My precious babes! I want the best for you.
And so, instead of stuffing a cheese burger down my throat on the way out of town 3 hours ago, I should have been seeking guidance and comfort through prayer. Music is a great gift, and Sugarland was playing in the car (Theo's request, Suvi sings along) which helped to soothe me for the drive home. Saying this out loud to my dear husband, my dear friend, helped, too. Seeing the words depicting my emotions is so healing for me.
We are late to a House Warming, and I still gotta shower. But now I feel cleansed. Sigh.
And glass slippers are not appropriate for a BBQ, so I'll wear my flip flops.
Wishing you a sweet summer weekend of fun and PEACE. Muah.