LOVE has come for you.

Friday, July 10, 2009

glass slipper

Yesterday was so easy and cool,

today i am totally sticky and sweating it.

It? Life. It is one of those, "life ain't easy, Cinderella, get back up in that attic," sort of days.

I am not quite sure if I am feeling like the over-worked princess or the egocentric big footed, step sister, trying to jam my foot into that delicate slipper.

I had a nice lunch time get together with the Childhood friends out in D e l * n o. Theo doesn't know the other kids, having only seen them a couple-three times. He is at the following age, now, wanting to interact with other kids, but not fully a friend seeker. When the two other boys noticed him (after more than an hour at the park) Theo was talking about the Thomas trains. The other boys are not so familiar with Thomas, and I don't think they have television. They were ready to include him in their play--they lined up their chairs like a choo-choo, but my Lovebug didn't quite get it. I was happy they seemed to welcome him, and feel horrible angst over him finding friends in church.

I don't want to put my issues on him, sweet baby boy, and I think every mom wants their child to fit in. I was always on the fringes, now even more so, and it is very important for me that he have Christian friends. My heart is so torn. I was even thinking that we should probably move out there. I have NEVER wanted to live in that town, but I so want the kids to be close to those kids. I don't want to live in a place where I feel judged for the length of time I breast feed my baby, or whether or not we choose vaccinations, or eat oreo's after lunch. I don't want to teach my children that faith is lived by the law, rather than by grace. I want to teach them that we are meant to live our life to glorify God, and do his will, and live under the protection of the gift of Forgiveness, since we are going to falter. I want to raise my children with children like the one's I lived near from the time I was 10. Without the other painful things that occur when we let the innocence of childhood fade and let that purity get a little clouded with "grown-up" thought. Oh! My precious babes! I want the best for you.

And so, instead of stuffing a cheese burger down my throat on the way out of town 3 hours ago, I should have been seeking guidance and comfort through prayer. Music is a great gift, and Sugarland was playing in the car (Theo's request, Suvi sings along) which helped to soothe me for the drive home. Saying this out loud to my dear husband, my dear friend, helped, too. Seeing the words depicting my emotions is so healing for me.

We are late to a House Warming, and I still gotta shower. But now I feel cleansed. Sigh.

And glass slippers are not appropriate for a BBQ, so I'll wear my flip flops.

Wishing you a sweet summer weekend of fun and PEACE. Muah.


Anonymous said...

hello? delano? what about watertown??

Anonymous said...

do you get judged how long you breastfeed?
who times you?

Anonymous said...

It's hard as a mother to just let our kiddos find their "place". When you bring them to church and Sunday School, they start finding friends. It will happen. It will.


ethiopifinn said...

i'm all for watertown!!! :)

not the length of each session, silly, the age of the child. and for the record, i haven't felt judged, i've WITNESSED it.

thanks, Bets.

Anonymous said...

I know how you feel, other than I was judged for not breastfeeding my child. I married a man who wasn't originally from church, although we live among many christians I still feel that we don't quite "fit in". Now that my children are old enough to go to sunday school, they are making friends easily. Have faith that it will happen, and there are many who are trying to fit into that glass slipper as well.

ethiopifinn said...

thank you!
sometimes life just feels more taxing and wearing, but knowing others feel similar stresses and worries is helpful!
breastfeeding is such a personal thing: my clients ask about it, people at the grocery store... i have found I ask people, too. It was such a challenge for me, but I really wanted to do it. I hope I didn't ask you or make you feel less for not givin' your babe the boobah :) I think formula is amazing. When my kids eat I am always so happy!!! Unless it is just the oreo's, then I start to think... :)

Joni said...

muah muah

MindiJo said...

I think we all struggle with similar issues as moms. Yours might vary from mine slightly, but I want my kids to fit in, too. I worry living so far away from everyone that my kids won't have friends from church. And it hurts so much to even think that your child might be an "outsider" in any situation. I think you are doing the best you can in raising your kids, and that is all that really matters. Right? Even though you didn't breastfeed. ;) I didn't with all of mine, either. GASP!

I think we all, from time to time, feel like Cinderella trying to fit her foot in to a glass slipper. Hang in there, when you are with a good group of true friends, you'll never feel inadequate. I'm sure you know that, tho.

Jan said...

hey chica-
your childhood friends aren't your only ones out there, ya know : )
And you know you probably aren't the only one who has qualms about fitting in.
And I have heard others say that they have realized they have feelings like this particularly at certain times of the month... just a thought.

and hello, cities is not the only place in the world-just had to add that in there ; )

and I hope to raise my children to be friendly to everyone-whether they are from the same mold as themselves or not. It can result in really interesting friendships.
I think the important thing is to show by example how important faith is to us, their parents.
glad you can vent your thoughts.

Leanne said...

I read this a couple days ago, but can't think of how best to reply without writing a novel. I struggle with this on some level, too. I want my boys to be accepted just like the others are, even though I want them to be *themselves* and don't worry about any mold. Does that make sense? I think if I'm confident that they are special children of God, and make sure they know that, then even the bumps won't hurt them too much.

I've had really negative experiences with Cole and kids from church. To the extent that I told him he doesn't have to come with me to those functions anymore if there is a way to avoid it. I will NOT subject him to pain if I can avoid it. Instead, I'm teaching him that it's important to be kind to *everyone* whether or not they seem 'like you.'

When we got to Shari's this weekend, Matty wanted to bring his Scooby Doo movie in so he could finish watching it. When I told him they didn't have a TV, he was dumbfounded. Then I explained that some people choose not to have one because there are inappropriate things on TV, and that we are careful at our house to not watch those things. It's the same conversation I had with Cole a few years ago after leaving my mom's for the third time, when he asked, "Where is your parent's TV?" The both seemed very unaffected by that difference once I explained it.

I wish much peace for you as you dig in to find your place everywhere. And if you don't find it right away, don't worry. You, and your children, have much to give to the world and I know will be a blessing to those around you, even if you doubt yourself sometimes. (You're a blessing to ME!)

ethiopifinn said...

leanne, jan, mindi, joni--

plain ol' thank you.