Wishing and Hoping

You know, I can do all the wishin' and hopin' my little head is capable of, but sometimes it's --wait, MOST times, it is the moving and doing that gets me what needs getting.
Sigh.
It's New Year's Eve.  We are out of bread.  I am rather handy at baking bread these days, BUT...i don't WANT to. Pout, pout. I'm going to wake up tomorrow, and either we will have bread or we won't.  It is up.to.me.
It means change. It means stop moping because "things" are changing, and get with it.  DUDE! Do you want the bread?  Then get off of your money maker and get.the.bacon. Er, bread.
Yesterday I had lunch with some girlfriends.  It was so right and fun and encouraging.
   "You don't know everything.  Use all the tools that are available to you," said one fine friend.
Isn't she smart? SO SMART! My friends may not have known how much they were encouraging me; I was debating over taking one of the kids into the clinic, but that encouragement is flowing over to today as well.  I am going to bake my bread already.  And I called the (cue dramatic, scary music)...BANK.  I've been needing to do it for a month, but kept putting it off.
You are looking at an independent contractor (still in the salon where I have been employed for the last 10.5 years).  I needed to set up my bank account to accept plastic payment.  I will not be accepting rubber payment, so if you are broke, Girrrrl, reschedule. :) I have been hesitant/nervous/procrastinating switching over for several years and for many reasons...like, there was that 30 question test (which is not difficult) that I had to take. Twice. There is the purchasing of my own supplies.  There is the setting aside and paying of taxes.  There is the responsibility for my own success.  It is happening, Baby! I AM in charge of my business.
What a great friend and mentor my former boss and current Salon Owner has turned out to be.  He had to really push me quite definitely and firmly to make this change.  He has been gently nudging me for, seriously you guys, three years.  He and his bride are just good peeps. I feel very fortunate to have been able to grow up and through this decade at Mark of Excellence.
The folks around me are my tools, and collectively, they know so very much about living.  I will forever be a wisher and hope-er. A hesitant doer.  Ima jus do eet.
Happy New Year!
Here's hopin y'all are doin fine and baking your proverbial bread!  WiHOOOO!
2014 in da HA-OUSE!
Feel free to say a little prayer for me!

idaho vs yukon gold

Sometimes, like all the time, I feel like a baked potato. Not a beautifully foil wrapped, olive oil bathed, sea salted, wood fire baked potato. No. An electric oven, scrubbed and placed on the rack, gray-skinned, unseasoned baked potato. I'm warm, I'm filling, I'm palatable, I'm B.L.A.N.D.  It is part of my signature mid-western self-loathing. I want to be the most interesting, sultry potato EVER.

All of this tater talk comes today because I was listening to This American Life on my way home from work. The wife of the main character has a lovely voice. You know, I don't need to be a Bosnian refugee. I think, safety and security-wise, this American life of mine is just right.  But her voice. Lovely. ;)

The ol' Switcheroo!

Judah writes with either hand.

i like these ol' beautes.

Suvi likes to use the camera.  you can see the reflection of her t-shirt in the window. i was just getting home from work when she took this photo.

today i have been a bit angsty, worrying about finances and the fact that judah needs a filling. he had an appointment last week, but wouldn't allow the dentist to even look at the tooth. it's 'L', for those of you who know your baby teeth. 

i heard the mail arrive and in it was some good, good celebration-worthy news for someone we love (we, as in my family in this house, not we, as in you the reader & i). also, we got the Valpak envelope & i wonder whether folks actually open &/or use the adverts inside. my heavy heart switched from worry and despair to tears of joy.  it's THE best kind of switcheroo.

Theo is at it again!

Theo and I put together another mini-movie: Lego Batman vs. Dr. Crane.
Spoiler alert: Batman wins.

Framed!

Theo had a concert today. It was all three kindergarten classes + the first graders. So, so cute.  The Music Specialist is going to be gone for two years, so Suvi won't get to start her school career with him.  Lucky for Theo!

It was a story about how the Wolf was framed to look like the Big Bad Wolf.

He was just going to ask his neighbors--the three little pigs--for a cup of sugar to bake a cake for Grandma. Grandma, who was Hungry Like a Wolf!

But the house of Hay and the House of Styx fell down when the Wolf sneezed, so he went to the third little Piggie's house. You know, It's a Brick....House!  

Here's Theo with his best buddy.

Yay! Day Two of Snowman Weather!

iiiiiiiiiiits FRIDAY! And it's April 12th. And we built a mini-snowman yesterday and a medium size snowman today. In the second week of April. hooray. (slumped shoulders and dejected look on my face.) I don't mind the snow so much.  It's the mud in my driveway I can't handle.  Anyhow, it felt nice out there today, dusting off the cobwebs from another week :)

I often worry about Judah's development.  He has met all his milestone markers, but since he was born before his lungs were all set, I think I will always worry more about him in that regard.  And he isn't as clear of a talker as his siblings, who were/are big talkers.  There has never really been a reason for me to fret about Judah, but I guess he's my baby & my reminder that life will happen as it happens, not as I plan :) 

Today after lunch he came out to the living room to build a tower.  He has been enjoying the blocks for the last few days since we did a little toy sorting (which = we re-discovered their existence . Judah likes to stack the blocks end to end the long way, with a roof shaped piece on top.  Every.time. He couldn't find the big roof & asked me if I have seen his triangle.

    "Mommy? You see my twiangle?"  It made me teary.  I guess I don't have to worry so much.  He got this.

I gave the kids the smallest/bendy carrot in the fridge to use as a nose.  They were quite pleased with their ol' Ma.  Some days, it doesn't take much to impress them.  I like days like this.  With the kindergartener at school, the 5 year old with all the hair, and my 2 years 10 months 21 day old baby. What. At least I stopped calculating how many weeks old he is. (fine. 151.)

Hope to see the yard by Monday!  

Peace. PEACE!

this little piggie...

suvi put on a one-puppet show for us wednesday night

she's been wanting sugar cookies since valentine's when she had one with miriam

she made those indents with an unsharpened pencil. getting the concepts mixed with the play-dough from the day before

our finished product

fruesday

they say tuesday is the most productive day of the week.  i was feeling all fired up and organized this morning, patting myself on the back for my pep. then, then...dun dun dunnnn... i opened a whole other can of worms: my pocketbook.
if you are ever wondering about how i am doing, like, all fronts down, really truly doing, take a gander in my purse or my car.  if you see a tornado, you'll know things are pretty much a stressfest between the ears.
sigh.
suvi and judah have been coughing for at least 3 weeks now. it seems to be getting better, then they get another wave. someone has been up in the night nearly every night. i am exhausted. and when i am tired, i start to fret about everything. i would like to be on a 70º beach, with some shades (my sunnies are lost), a liter of water, and time to soak it in. oh, and an organized bag stocked with cash-to-the-o-l-a.
for lunch i would like a burito-the kind i had with melanie in santa barbara.
after perusing some artsy, crafty, cool shops, i will take a book into that hammock hanging in the sun. i will meet my family for an early supper, where everyone eats a heaping pile of veggies happily, followed by a walk on the beach, finding treasures. once the kids are effotlessly in bed, the hubs and i will watch a movie in the beach-facing living-room.
and did i say there will be no whining? not even from the kids?

now that i had my little break with reality, i hope i can get back into that productivity high.
i *am* thankful for this sunshiney day.

PEACE.

get it while you can, people

and where EVER you can find it! (even in the chocolate milk spill)

High on Hairspray

Last night I hosted my friends at my work place: 1st Annual Hair*Do Palooza. Eight were able to make it, and as much as I wished the others could have come, too, it was the perfect amount of fun/work for me.  I did updos for a solid 2 hours.  They were not sleep-in sturdy, but it was fun to put a little teasing and pouf into the hair of my pals.

i found this drawing on google to use as a template for the stitching on one of the chair covers.

for the chair covers, i used a sheet, an apron, a t-shirt (kitty), denim with triangles that matched the banner, and a bedskirt (white & orange). you can see a little bit of color at the top of the front window- felt hearts i had picked up from Christmas clearance a few years ago.

these straws (found here) were part of what prompted me to plan a party. i simply had to find a reason to order them!

so good to see you, girls!

I call dibs!

Hair Peace.

That has got to be the name of my someday salon.  At the door shall be a sign which reads WELCOME. Then, somewhere-maybe near the coat racks, a sign that reads We are happy you are here today. Thank you for turning down your phone and your politics. 

What do you think? Too pushy?

Alright. So maybe there was a little, shall we say, incident today. I'm working on letting it go and humbling my mouthy self. So thankful there is Grace sufficient for the likes of me.

Good-night, my friends!
Peace.

(come on, tho. Hair Peace. It's FUNNY.  {{wink}} )

monday movement

breathe in two, three, four,
hold, two, three, four,
release to............eight.

under my skin
under the muscle
a burning hot fabric wraps around my lungs
pulling tighter, stinging heat
winding up my throat

breathe, two, three, four

pull that air down past the lungs to my belly
cool the grip
loosen the hold

close my eyes
the heat moves off my lungs
      to my shoulders, my tears

breathing two, three, four

and it's gone.
.........

i've been having some disruptive thoughts this morning.
the night was full of dreams. not bad dreams, just disruptive.
i have been longing for times gone by, aching for earlier couches
    and simpler pains.
my thoughts started to weigh heavy on my chest, and i was searching,
searching my brain to find the source of this angst.
then it hit me.
someone i love moved across the country last week.  i didn't have much time to prepare, or even to say more than 'good luck & good-bye!' i've needed to grieve or absorb this change, needed to talk about it, but haven't been able to find a conversation.
the connection to those disruptive thoughts, perhaps, is that the loss is similar. my loved one who moved will always be part of my life, but i will surely miss being in the same room with her. the obsessive thoughts that tried to spur an anxiety attack this morning, are tied to a person from my past from whom i moved away. we never had an official 'good-bye'.
things change, people change, responsibilities change, expectations change.
addresses change.
(last names change, too, thankfully!)

more thoughts on wheels, clouds, living

first steps.

this is part of the organization of my world.  it starts with a little limelight. the limelight letters, in fact. i first learned about them over at livlane.com. i am a bit of a stranger to change, but i'm ready for some giddyap, y'all.

i do believe i have a test to schedule and some fabric to cut out.

I am getting started scheduling this life of mine.

This, Simply Clean Living, is the very first google search result that I clicked on. I went ahead and printed her four week cleaning schedule.
Next I bumped into flylady.net, where I actually got a little verklempt, choked up. It seems I have some emotion tied to this new path. Wow.

it just seems like a lot of time decicated to cleaning. now i 'll have to follow a schedule for a few weeks to see how i will make it my own, and find where i can schedule my time to create a little bit of color in my days.

*******

My Mom invited us over for lunch today.  As we walked in the house, I said, "It smells like a Grandma's house in here!"  She made roast beef, potatoes, carrots, fruit soup and rice pudding, with salad and some great crusty sourdough bread.  Soooooo nice.

I made her some pocket warmers to put in her mittens because her fingers get so cold. It's pinned here.
 or you can go to fellowfellow and see for yourself.

We came home to watch The Lorax which was based on a Dr. Seuss book.

*******

is it bedtime yet?

happy, friendly, sunshiney

the cd player in my kitchen radio magically started working today after a few friendly taps. DON WILLIAMS in da haaaaaaus! it was a gift from my friend.

i'm happy about that.
my friend moved back home here from 2 1/2 years of living in warm climate. she's freezing her booty off.
i'm happy she's here. and she might have to stock up on pocket warmers and long underwear.
my friend is very persistant and doesn't like to let me be a hermit. she keeps asking me to go to the couples' party coming up.
i'm so happy she doesn't give up on me.

i like how brits pronounce salty:  'saultee'. feels sort of like a celebration, doesn't it. right.

um, one thing, tho. guys? how do i go about creating a schedule? aiyaiyaiiiiiieeeeee!
 and because banjos make me happy...

I choose SCORE BOARD.

because the words 'goal setting', 'targeted goal', 'intended outcome', 'resolutions', 'new year's resolutions', freak me out a little bit. but  i am ready to set some goals & make some sort of vision board. here is the first image going up on my Life Be Like board:

in the black.

i want to do more sewing and creating in general. i think it is time for me to make a daily schedule, so i can be sure i know what i am supposed to be doing and where and when. this loosey goosey style i have mastered has left me wanting more structure and falling short of my un-named goals. 

nothing changes until something changes.

i'm going to keep score. i'm going to make myself a score board. so when one of my visions, hopes, dreams, GOALS for 2013 materializes, i can say, 'SCORE!' and then, Life Be Like, so good to me!

What is going to make you shout "SCORE!!!"?

I suppose bread, wine, & cheese...

on Christmas Eve, I asked, "what is it like in Bethlehem? what do they eat there?"
"maybe it's the Mediterranean diet," my hubs suggested. sounds good to me!
we were eating lasagna, which had cheese in it, and bread, but we did not have wine. i actually thought about perhaps opening one of the bottles of Ethiopian wine we received from a guest last year when our Ayat was here. but we're sort of diet Coke snobs. i make no excuses. instead we drank tea and water. i'd still like to know what people ate, you know, the ones who actually got a room, on that first Christmas Eve. sweet Baby Jesus about to arrive, and we were eating...
well. i am my mother's daughter. if you meet her, she might discuss a meal plan with you. she likes that kind of wild talk.

earlier in the day suvi and theo made cookies for Santa.

she loves a good cookie. and a good photo op.

gram gave the kids some gifts. judah is in love with his 'little people' house.

theo woke us up this morning around 7:24 (ha, ha). as i was putting on my shoes to head downstairs with him, i thought about sending a message to my friend in finland. we were instant messaging around 1 a.m. when i couldn't sleep and she was starting her Christmas morning with her family. i was wanting to ask what they were up to after my five hour nap. ;)

he was pleased with his batman thingy, and the other crap santa brought him. what? it's so fun to pick stuff out for them, watch them light up as they discover a new treasure, but i am not good and moving old toys out. which means we got a lot o crapola under this roof! ha!

we were able to make it to dassel to share the day and a meal with my mom, my sisters and much of their families. the drive went so fast for me today! i was thankful for the dry roads, for our safety and comfort. also because that meant i basically had an hour to load my new purse, play with my camera, kick butt in Angry Birds...i like a good sunshiney Christmas morning drive!

my sister is married to a farmer, dontcha know. they live 11 miles from downtown cokato. if you go north at the light, turn left when you see these huge power lines. 

number 6 and number 2

number 4 and my mama

number 1, suvi's god-mother, and my handsome nephew #2

my number one, tooth-dangler of a first born. 

did you know that i am the only one of my siblings to have 2 boys? all 4 of my sisters and my brother john each have one son. katie, shirley, and mari have girls, too, but i am the queen with 2 boys. just a nice little bit of trivia for you to enjoy with your coffee this morning.

i hope your Christmas was peaceful and happy. i hope you have the comfort of knowing and believing in the grace gift of the promised Son of God. my heart is often so weary, but Christmastime fills me with joy and reassurance. 

   Joy to the world, The Lord is Come!

and because i love THIS version of this song, a little bare naked ladies.

six

Theo is 6 years old today.

He was the cutest of cute, right?

earlier this year

and today post cake, during homework, prior to his 1:03 bus.

he asked if anyone was coming over today. because it is his birthday. and really, he would like more gifts. because, ahem, the four lego sets and one spiderman web attack car he already received was not, so it seems, enough. ;)

and his ham of a sister who gets to be four for three more months. 

if you've been visiting my blog for at least 3 years, you might remember that suvi liked to stand behind me in the computer chair when i went online.  she still tries to squeeze in behind me, but she's too tall to stand comfortably, so she sits. on my butt ledge. and it hurts my back and my butt and i have to be quite forceful to get that girl out of my chair. i do like being snuggly with her, but as i told her today, "You are too big to share this chair with Mama now, Suvi. There isn't enough room! Get down."  She did NOT get out and asked, "What is a 'froom', tho', Mom?! I don't know what a 'froom' is!"

Suvi. You make me laugh. Thank you for that! E-nough ROOM. not a froom. enough room.

A blow out

It only lasts a few minutes before the whining and stomping starts again, but with the white noise of the hair dryer and my daughter drawing on the steamed up windows, I get that dream come true feeling. I love being Suvi's Mom. I love that handful of minutes together, drying her hair, the blow out mini: just getting the wet out before we head out into the 24 degree weather.

It made me teary this morning. I'll return to my whining and stomping now!
SWEET LOVE.