LOVE has come for you.

Monday, February 25, 2013

monday movement

breathe in two, three, four,
hold, two, three, four,
release to............eight.

under my skin
under the muscle
a burning hot fabric wraps around my lungs
pulling tighter, stinging heat
winding up my throat

breathe, two, three, four

pull that air down past the lungs to my belly
cool the grip
loosen the hold

close my eyes
the heat moves off my lungs
      to my shoulders, my tears

breathing two, three, four

and it's gone.

i've been having some disruptive thoughts this morning.
the night was full of dreams. not bad dreams, just disruptive.
i have been longing for times gone by, aching for earlier couches
    and simpler pains.
my thoughts started to weigh heavy on my chest, and i was searching,
searching my brain to find the source of this angst.
then it hit me.
someone i love moved across the country last week.  i didn't have much time to prepare, or even to say more than 'good luck & good-bye!' i've needed to grieve or absorb this change, needed to talk about it, but haven't been able to find a conversation.
the connection to those disruptive thoughts, perhaps, is that the loss is similar. my loved one who moved will always be part of my life, but i will surely miss being in the same room with her. the obsessive thoughts that tried to spur an anxiety attack this morning, are tied to a person from my past from whom i moved away. we never had an official 'good-bye'.
things change, people change, responsibilities change, expectations change.
addresses change.
(last names change, too, thankfully!)

1 comment:

Julie said...

Oh. Change is a tough one. And I could feel you working through it with your words. Beautiful. Hope the grief gives way to sunshine!