Between noon & midnight

Everybody is good at something. I, for example, am really good at a) ignoring being tired at midnight & b) complaining about being tired at noon. Also, I am good at keeping these two things separate so as not to draw conclusions from nor theorize any cause/effect relationships. Absolutely unrelated.

Meanwhile, I've also decided that for myself, web surfing, televisioning, reading, baking, poeticizing, photographing...these activities are equal in value. They are meant to occupy my mind and hands between the moments of living life out loud. Between the conversations, congregating, connections. Between the learning and loving. The between time is like the opening credits, the advert can be skipped in 4 seconds, the prologue!

With that, I bid you goodnight. Happy Relating!

I Love Youse!

Here I am!

When I was in my 20's, I went to San Francisco with a humongous group of friends.  We didn't stay there for more than a day, if my memory serves; we rented minivans to drive to Yosemite and along the Lost Coast.  It was such a beautiful trip.  It was the beginning of the end of an era.  I witnessed my friend falling in love. I got to see my friends seeing the Pacific Ocean for the first time.  I withdrew to my imagination and dreamed of my someday life.  My life with children, as an artist, living in that part of the country.  I loved the sunshine and the raw beauty of the beach, of the golden, tall grasses, of the chill in the air on a July day.  I was moving through my self-induced heart ache, blinking back my embarrassment, learning about accepting the things I cannot change, and simultaneously enjoying this wonderful trip. But to survive the pain of a friendship that was changing, distancing, I had to inflate my imagination.

That story I created has stayed with me.  It is a happy memory of a day-dream, to think of driving down a dusty road with four kids in the back of an old float-boat of a car, my sun-lightened hair in a pony tail...sigh.  Sometimes, because I am that kind of crazy, I get a little sad about that day dream.  Sad because in my imagination, I am light, and free, and airy, and 125 lbs, and younger, braver, artsier, better.  YOU.GUYS.  I am such kind of crazy that I get LONESOME for a me that never was.  {smirk} And you thought YOU were nuts. Not even.

The thing of it is, I felt it today.  I felt the feeling I imagined having. Today.  I was leaving a lake-side park where we'd spent a few hours with my friend and her little darlings.  It's breezy today, sunshiney, cool in the shade...my salon-lightened hair is too short for a pony, and my car is not a beater (PTL), I drove away down the interstate.  All those details were different but that feeling...sigh.  So right. Maybe what this is what 38 does? Helps me see.  Tells me I am here. Stands up, arms waving, "Here I am!"

Thankful for my wonderful friend and this glorious day!!!

I'm here, I'm 38, and I'm temporarily...

Sans Internet.

It's quite alright, to go days

With no connection

When speaking of the Internet.

Happy Birthday to me, and all my favorite July birthday girls! I'm remembering an Eems birthday on the beach at Park Point.  Oh, those youthful days, where DID they go?

Enjoy your weekend, send your friend a post card, a letter, a magazine clipping, kool aid, a spoon... Something. I got two very special pieces of mail today & I am pleased as punch!

(We should be connected again soon, perhaps within the week. The kids, especially Theo, and I will cheer when wifi is returned to our schedule!)

This is my beautiful niece and her bun-in-the-oven.

30 seconds of disbelief

my hair is matted
my face is flushed
sweat is rolling off my head, down my back

i am sobbing
my whole body is in motion
from mind and heart to feet

this is taking me by complete surprise
one hundred twenty seven seconds of face drenching tears
bend at the waist
crying

and my legs, my feet
they keep moving.
i keep moving through my tears
and confusion of emotion
i keep walking

it started at minute 14
at minute 16:28 i lifted my head up to the ceiling
i let go of the machine in front of me, and
i walked.

every part of me is in motion
in emotion
in regneration, in repair

then a gift
for 30 seconds
my legs and arms swinging
faster than walking
tears again, for the gift of 30 seconds of running
my head floating, my feet RUNNING.

mmmm...yaaaawnnnn..uhh.

maybe it's because i had cheese cake for supper. maybe it's because i have had too many nights in a row with 5 or 6 hours of shut-eye per night.
whatever the reason, i am drinking coffee supporting my head alternately on my hand leaning forward on the desk and on the chair back leaning, well, back.

the t.v. is blaring pbs.
judah is watching you tube scooby doo on the ipad.
each of my kids has had tears this morning.

i am ready for a nap.

But. there's no time for that. the sun is shining and i am about ready to get a move on!
We have a field trip today with Theo's kindergarten class...nature center, make way for Tamirus!

Small & Simple

I spent the last 4-5 days near the loo.  Stomach bugs are no fun, you see, no fun attol.
Judah and I have been stinky partners in crime, butt (ha, ha) I think we are now in the clear.  AAAAAHHHHH! (angelic choir)

A consequence to the loss of fluids, was a reduction in my water retention.  At this level of obesity, I have heard it is not uncommon to retain water/have swelling in the legs/edema.  I have struggled with it for a long time, before I was, shall we say, quite so Large and In Charge.  I think it's the diet Coke and crap I eat, more than just the weight. Anyhoosie, my little feet have been looking like REGULAR ol' feet. No swelling. Don't get me wrong, I will always have cankles, but it was such a relief not to have puffy feet.  Sigh.  You MUST look for the good in things.
Crap your pants three nights in a row? At least your feet don't hurt.  Sanitizing every bloomin' surface under this roof? Thankfully, you bought that huge pack of Lysol at Costco.  Afraid to eat anything after having a poop-tastsic weekend? You got a little head start on your new weight-loss action plan!
And actually, that last bit of good was the point of my post.  I spent most of the day worried I was going to gain it all back, refilling my water cup, looking at my non-swollen feet, and eating small portion snacks/meals.  I had fountain pop twice last week, but haven't brought any 12 packs of diet coke in here for a few weeks.  It has been easier than I expected to move away from diet Coke, so I will just look at the food thing like the pop thing. How is this going to affect my feet?  Keep it small, keep it simple.  My outlook, my meal, my pocketbook, my shopping list...the same rule applies!!! (this rule DOES NOT apply to HAIR. BIG HAIR or go home, people)

Fast approaching...

With February fast approaching, I've decided to take a little break.  It might only last a few days, or maybe longer, but Ethiopifinn is going to be taking a nap during blogging hours.
If you'd like to reminisce with me, scroll through some of these posts of Februaries past.

I hope you'll continue to visit my favorite blogs over there on the right! Good reading, inspiration, and images.

Happy early Groundhogs Day!

LOVE.

8 years.

Happy Anniversary, Sugar Booger!

blog? what blog?

yes.

yes, i am.

(i love this pic because you can see suvi's reflection in the tv-our photog)

i am this self-centered.

and today, this very morning,

i. am. thankful.

thankful for excedrine migraine and peppermint oil.

a hot shower with eucalyptus,

and earl grey lavender tea.

and back-combing and hairspray and kids who don't tell me to settle down my crazy hairdo. i'm thankful for all of that!

peace. school resumed yesterday.

sunday school resumed this week as well, but we missed it.  i overslept my alarm because i was up in the night with judah-washing sheets and blankies and pillows.  eew. he's fine tho'.

this little icy spot is in my front garden.  the weather was mild yesterday, so we had a bit of a melt and drip situation.

I choose SCORE BOARD.

because the words 'goal setting', 'targeted goal', 'intended outcome', 'resolutions', 'new year's resolutions', freak me out a little bit. but  i am ready to set some goals & make some sort of vision board. here is the first image going up on my Life Be Like board:

in the black.

i want to do more sewing and creating in general. i think it is time for me to make a daily schedule, so i can be sure i know what i am supposed to be doing and where and when. this loosey goosey style i have mastered has left me wanting more structure and falling short of my un-named goals. 

nothing changes until something changes.

i'm going to keep score. i'm going to make myself a score board. so when one of my visions, hopes, dreams, GOALS for 2013 materializes, i can say, 'SCORE!' and then, Life Be Like, so good to me!

What is going to make you shout "SCORE!!!"?

I like me some pink

it seems the ball has been dropped over here at ethiopifinn, when it comes to hairdos, at least!

after my client tonight, i glanced down at the open magazine on my station and was compelled to pick it up.  i proceeded to go through it page by page in an effort to better educate myself on the popular culture of hallywood. ;) this picture (1.) of Pink caught my eye.  The "article" was reporting a poll about whether people would wear a trend like the celebrity.  overwhelmingly the polled said they would NOT wear their hair like Pink.  i said to myself, *I* would.  And I will RIGHT. NOW.  I wish I was brave enough to rock the pale pink, but those days are gone for me now.  Well, until I am 75.  Then I'll go back to doing whatever I want.  Right?  

If you'd like to recreate this hair-do, follow my easy steps.  Look, we are ALREADY on step 2.  You are flying through it!  Way to go! 

Step 2. set aside 20 minutes (at most). 

step 3. section your hair in a mohawk (the top) and clip that middle section.  smooth down the sides and pin or tie or clip back.

       4. use your TeaZe brush or a comb to rat the heck out of your mohawk. it will stay better.

       5. curl  the ends with an iron or hot rollers, or plan ahead and dry your hair in rollers.  because i am sure you have rollers in your collections, don't you?!

       6. smooth your hair to one side. i went with my part, but you can do like pink and go left to right.  if you want to be wrong that is your decision. kidding.

       7. shape your roll with your fingers and pin in place (the "inside" or tail of your roll/curl)

       8. set with spray. (if your hair is short like mine, just pin the sides back. but it would be cool to do a french roll, bun, or pinned up curls in the back.)

       9. commence admiring your reflection.

      10. get a closer look at your rock and roll/retro awesomeness

      11. feel free to tame it down if you are going to grab groceries.

So, Just in time for Halloween, or if you are like me, Wednesday,  you have it within your means to rock your hair right out.

WAHOOOOOOOOO!

Raw foods have higher nutrient values than foods which have been cooked

that is what i read from a super trusty source, wikipedia.

but you know what? i'm not thinking about food, i'm thinking about soul food, raw emotion, and process.
i'm thinking that there is something beautiful inside this raw feeling i have in my heart and there-abouts. i am thinking that distance is tangible, need is imagined, perception is sometimes a chokey smokey telescope, obsession is shrinkable, curiosity is inflammatory.

but. i do believe that all this rawttitude, rawtivity, rawxclamations, warm and malleable, contribute greatly to the life experience.  perspective and relativity is pretty much the most important tool in examining the raw soul food.

AAAACK!

p.s. have you guessed my anxiety is binding then icing the underside of my breast bone? right between my heart and lungs and the upper rib cage i can feel this little red anxiety monster squeezing my lungs with his toes and icing my heart with huge icy mittens.

i am feeling insecure in some of my personal relationships, lonesome, and beating myself up.  i'll feel better soon.  i know.  i always get through the fields of tangle weed doubt.  and i hope the cause of my insecurities is just a personal rough patch and not a true reflection of the condition of a very important station of my heart.

......
in other news, Theo went to school every day last week.  and today, too!  today he told me the only part of school he doesn't like is LEAVING!

My review

Hey folks! Oh, I mean, hey, folks! Remember the Other day when I showed you a Christmas card? Well, they arrived today & I am so very pleased. The quality of the card stock is as fab as the pic-icture clarity. I bees rill happy up in herr y'all. WORD.

1 April 1996

I have been slowly going through boxes of my old photos, cards, art supplies, random junk.  Today I came upon a beautiful journal I received as a gift in August 1995:  SARK's Journal and PLAY!BOOK. I really didn't make good use of it, but folded inside the back cover I found this poem I wrote in the Beehive, the computer lab at SCSU.  It is printed out on the paper that was typical for rough drafts, the kind that you have to tear the edges off.  I have actually looked for the poem a few times since ethioPifinn began.  I was a naive 20 year old, versus the naive 37 year old i am today. Makes me smile- I hope you enjoy it...

1 April 1996

XXXX XXXX

(i scratched that part out. i'm guessing it was addressed to a boy)

I am in this hive and the Queen Mother is coming to eat me up.

My mates are all buzzin and shaking--mapping out the path, telling

me where

they found the nutrients

but i'm no vega, give me meat

I need something to move my wings and I

need to eat--not be eaten.

There is the Great Fear because question lies

around the next bend keeping me

from ease and completion...

Just Ask is the advice and 

cleavage is the fence.

Blonde cleave and all that---

somebody get me over the roocky rapids

i mean rock solid rapidly

fallen,

falling

head over heel, hand over fist

sleeping waiting wanting   watched

wound  so tight that the  it,

that I

stop and go only far enough to be almost

There.

And the honey makers have made the honey and they are

Being Eaten

through revision and larger words and smaller thoughts.

The buzzers aren't buzzing they are screaming

and aren't mapping  out the path  the

Path.  The Path is long made

and the buzzers are lost and unsearching

and the hand touches  up,

not touches  UP, but moves upward for the source

of the thoughts   and

the strokes and the line.

But the buzzers are flying over me and flying backward

I am

--am moving   slowly and with wings-on-loan--

not of my own accord but via post...

Post is flakes of morning,

not mourning  but rejoice wit the 

strength  and power  of the unseen  wing, navigating

carrying  on in the

HIVE

post is the nourishment   of the carrier and the sender and

the, 

Well the idontknow,  the

Well.

Of life, of love, of the nonhoneymakers,

of the new winged,

The Newly Winged.

Alighted in the cortex not the stomach of

the dewinged

we fly so that we may not be dewinged and this

is why this jumble,

jingle, jangle, jingle

and the mirror is clouded

and full and does not reflect the

buzzers

in hope  in the upward

thoughts  the

jumble  desists for the

need of silence and 

of escape, not the same, not even similar.

How do the others move on without the

jam, the traffic, the

questions of impossible contem-

plation...

so do they have it, not It but

the snag  the hitch, propelling

yet grounding

The Flight,

it is all about the flight and

the company we keep along the way and

so she, so

I

write and ease the mind and rest the weary wings, no

wings-on-loan

i provide no fuel but

rest the sea legs, fry the flying fish

and put away the hooks,

or the Books,

they are the same.

The words come and remind of the Wellness

and the breezey open field.

ethiopifinn shared an Instagram photo with you

Hi there,

ethiopifinn just shared an Instagram photo with you:

view full image

"Thor is glittery"

Thanks,
The Instagram Team

picanica

today was the sunday school picnic.  i was hot and cranky, but happy to be out of the house with the whole family.  the dad came, too. {YAY!} i think all the pregnant women and new babies were making him a little nervous ;) it was a sunshiney day: with lots of water, running, climbing, and no sunburns!  i am a fringes kind of girl, but i still got to chat a bit with a few pals. we brought a humongous apple pie from costco, and had to bring half of it home. {yay!}

on dad's lap during the service.  theo asked his dad to please, please, please come to the picnic today.  i really was hoping he'd come, too, but theo's invitation was un-decline-able.

i love to see all these boys travel in their pack. so cute.

gram's water bottle sprung a leak. she was spraying it into judah's mouth. suvi really wanted to be with the big girls at the table, but she was too shy to get acquainted.

we were all so hot when we got home. habinator put the sprinkler on for the kids.  i stayed inside in the a/c and did not pay attention to what judey was wearing until he came in.

undies. white (well, they used to be) thomas "just in time" undies.  too funny.  he is far from being potty trained. cute to see his chubby hinder in unders!!

........

i'm feeling a little raw lately.  lots of stress and self doubts. last night i couldn't fall asleep til after 2.  i did all my tricks with no luck. i got up and played on my ipad for a stretch and then started to feel sleepy.  this hasn't happened to me for many years (i mean, many nights in a row of insomnia).  it may be due to my pharm changes.  i'm looking to get it under control before the middle of july.  i have very important people to see in july.  right before i turn 37.  

every blooming oddity in my bod now, i freak out that i am starting menopause.  i still feel and act like i am 24, so this is very frightening to me, who is so young in her own nutser mind. oh! and super sweats.  my head just drips just doing things around the house. normal things that shouldn't make me sweat like i just finished my 'sweatin' to the oldies' video. my own personal summer. and the chin hairs.  ish!

........

what do you have going on this week? i get to see 2 old friends (separately). i want to slow down time so i can have a long leisurely summer like when i was 14. or even 24.  i think i need some ice tea tomorrow.

......

love and confidence to all y'all.  that's what i'm wanting this week, for l'il ol' me!!!!!

nice looking butt

today i was in the bathroom getting washed up when my darling suvi came in and said, "hey mom! nice looking butt."  "thank you, suvi," i replied.
up in my room i took a little look-see at the ol' back end. if you knew me in my late teens and early twenties, i'll just update you: broader, dimplier, and just as white. (mooning was my pass-time)  i was chuckling to myself about her comment when i heard her tromping up the stairs. "what are you laughing about? what is funny?"
i was enjoying the magic eyes of a child.  a child who sees beauty in her mother's huge bum.  i think she sees in the color of love.  everyday she says things that surprise me in the most humorous and delightful ways.
....

back to the photo challenge... as i mentioned, i've been rather stuck.  and i am still stuck, but it seems best to simply post what i have so far and keep going.  i want to see and feel the exactly right thing for each day.  when that doesn't happen, i perhaps over-think?  yaaaa, so.  here we go then.

sign.

the open sign makes me happy.

this is the place i mentioned not too long ago :)

inequality

when i was thinking about the word inequality, i asked myself 'what is inequality?' and often when i am focusing on a word or a name, i see it spelled out in my mind's eye.  'intuition' kept popping into my little headball.  isn't that weird?  so i sat down with the kids colors and just kept going until the entire page was covered.  i didn't even really want to write the equal[what]ity.  it made me uncomfortable.  maybe it is the concept, or what it means in society.  because it conflicts with the thought that everything is meant to be.  this  idea is rather often rolling around in my thoughts.  do you know what i think?  if we look at our life's timeline of events as a map, there are certain cities that we will hit.  however, we will get there on the path that we forge for ourselves.  so maybe we are humbled and listening with an obedient ear to the direction, or maybe we are jamming cotton in our ears because we need to climb up a treacherous cliff and skid down a steep hill, and then walk through a dusty, sun-bleached field, and then jump puddles in a rainstorm and then walk over coals before we can get to the next city.  we are reminded to be faithful in the face of trial, and through the trials find faith.  so whether by devotion or by lesson, we reach the same point.  whether we have worked 12 hours or 1 hour, we will receive the same reward.  perhaps the inequality then sits between the faithful and whatever is left.

at some point i will see the time and place that captures inequality for me.  probably i will better understand, and probably it will be much simpler than i am allowing myself to interpret sunday's photo challenge.  and you? what is inequality to you?

day 21. contrast

light and dark.

fallen tree against the standing pines.

lush green of the grass contrasted with the dead branches.

oh my! there is more to come, but it is past my bedtime.  the carriage has turned back into a pumpkin!

I LOVE OPTICAL ILLUSION

I know that's right. He-ey!

friday, friday

i was a little shocked just now when i sat down.  it's friday already?  YEEHAW!

first of all, let me THANK YOUSE.  {wink} i have actually been having a good week.  i did get emotional and down on myself over there at the doc's office, but, it is a lovely day today.  Thank you for your support.  It touches my heart.

one of the things i like to tell people {even if they don't ask for my opinion} is keep talking, communication is so important.  another thing i find myself saying to others is, it's okay if you made a bad choice, it doesn't mean you have to stop in your tracks, you will do well to keep going.  i also say, you can't talk to my friend that way! when i hear her talking smack about herself.  it breaks my heart!  you are so precious, my friend!

i haven't been engaging in open communication.  i am taking it upon myself to decide what others do not want to hear from me.  i am protecting them from my woes.  i have been acting like a serial giver-upper, and beating myself up over it.  shoot.

hello? jennifer? oh, there you are.  now, are you listening?  if you are going to talk the talk, you gotsta walk the walk.

today i got this book.

Jeffrey Brantley, MD & Wendy Millstine

***********

My Mom has been babysitting a lot for me this week (hey. maybe that's why i've been feeling so good! ha!).  yesterday? she brought some paint over for the kids.  they have really been enjoying it.  i am so thrilled with their artwork.  my mom drew the parts of this flower, then suvi cut them out and put them together on wednesday. yesterday she painted it. so lovely.

theo has been really creating and working on writing.  here he drew a train with marker, then painted it.

the smoke is marker.  the green part is tracks.  the paint smudged a bit, but i love his carefulness!

the train is as long as my first finger.

when i saw this drawing, i seriously.laughed.  maybe he'll be a poet?

THEOS THEOS THEOS POOPS.

judah would love to get his little hands in the paint, but he tried to drink the brush water. not quite ready yet, baby bub.

Wishing you a Fantastical Friday and Wonderful WeekEND :) xoxo

Time is now

Windows down, head down, hands down, market's down, down pat, down time, downtown, down trodden, down an' out, down wid dat, down right, right down to the quick. So. What's up?