Waah!

Russell and I are no longer in an exclusive relationship. I'm not ready for this!

He has been romancing sweet Potato, as well as Carrot for the past few days. He still gazes at me lovingly, and he gets emotional if he can't get to me fast enough, but he is growing apart from me.

On Friday night, Russell will be six. months. old.

BFF

It seems like I have been BFF: breast-feeding forever.

It started almost 8 years ago...I was so determined to figure it out. I felt as though it was the one thing I would not compromise. It took 4 months before I could get him to latch on without a silicone nipple shield. Four months of being as discreet as I could. I brought expressed milk in bottles to church. Trying to feed that first one without my Boppy pillow and footrest seemed impossible. He was 8 months old when I switched completely to formula because his sister was on her way.

Labor and delivery with Suvi were ideal, as far as the watermelon/lemon thing goes. My water broke around 6 AM and she was born by 11:40 AM. She looked like a little wet kitten. She latched on like a champ! She was such an easy baby, with a super loud cry. I was tired with a toddler and a newborn.  I could sit on a friend's couch, without my Boppy, we even went camping, and feeding her was just fine.  We made it 5 1/2 months of nursing until she switched to formula. I still feel a little sad about that, but she seems to be doing ok. She's in first grade.

Judah nursed for 14 months. I felt like a champ. I sat in the mother's room with him at church, chatting with the other ladies. I fed him at the park, and in the dark, and something that rhymes with -ark. Ha. It was easy & I could cover up easily, and I pumped at work. 14 months.

With this guy, any modesty I had left is gone. It's like I care, but not more than I care that he's crying. And I have the other needs of the older kids to worry about. So I've fed him at the bus stop in a sling under a hooter hider, in Costco at the lunch tables, and last Sunday in my church pew. I'd already been in the cry room with him for a snack, and I just didn't want to go out again. Probably left my friend sitting on the same bench mortified! 

I'm not trying to be some shirtless statement maker. I don't know, I'm just desensitized. And this time is going so quickly! Russell is already 169 days old! Teehee. I counted it out only for this post. He's 5 1/2 months old. I'm enjoying being his Mom. Someday he'll be getting traffic tickets and taking his future wife on their first date. He won't remember snuggling sessions with me after his feedings. I will. I'll remember the weight of this baby in my arms and on my shoulder. I'll remember tracing his eyebrows, patting his back, counting his rolls. I'll forget who I may have flashed a little nip nop to, but I'll always remember my little babes as babes at the breast. 

(In a sweet, non-creepy way.)

Mmph.

I am feeling a bit draggy this week. I'm not sure if it's the barometer, back to school, recovering from the last week of summer fun, or what. But I'm craving sugar and caffeine like a tired ol' gal.

What about you? Does the change in schedule affect you? I think I have only done two loads of laundry this week. And the Dad has picked up the dishes slack. Sigh.

I'm glad he's so super duper.

Judah ran into a spinning Theo and wound up with a shiner. We had an ice cream (chocy on his face) date while the Bigs were in school. My blahness is showing in this picture.

Russell is starting to sit up.

More on my situation

This morning Judah asked Russell, "Do you have dweams in yoah head, Baby Wusso?" Age four can be so very charming.

September One

• I am a side sleeper.

• if I have to get up in the night, I have to switch to my other side when I return to bed.

• I start on my right side with no blankets, or just covers on my hip (unless it's winter).

• When I lay on my left side, I have to pull my blanket up & under my left cheek. My back uncovered.

• School starts tomorrow: I am happy for the routine, but I think a shorter day would be better.

• Suvi usually came home from kindergarten hungry and tired. I hope it's not too much for her.

• Theo and I played balloon ball while Dad was outside with S & J. He said, "This is just what I wanted! Alone time with me & Mom. And Russell, I guess. Russell's job this morning is to be cute, Mom. His job is already done. He's just.so.cute."

• I really enjoyed my few minutes (30?) with him. His only real complaint about school? So little time with Mom.

• I'm not getting out of bed, but as soon as I post this, I'm turning onto my right side.

Feeling covered

It would be so easy for the church friends to forget about my kids. We live 35 minutes away (yes, this is MN: we measure distance in time. Existential, really). Every time they get invited to a birthday, I feel so happy they are remembered. Many parties are on Saturdays when I work, but I do my best to get them out to celebrate those Sunday School friend birthdays. I see Theo holding himself back from playing with the boys. I can't force him to join in. But Suvi lives for a good party. This afternoon my friend, who is also my sister's niece, picked up & dropped off Suvi for her daughter's party. Because I had a client, and because K (my friend/the Mom) knows how important it is to feel like part of the crew. 

The other invites make me sigh in relief. This one makes my eyes leak a little.

I'm feeling covered in mercy and grace!

How they make me happy

These kids, they make me laugh.

I just got back to bed after soothing Judah who had woken up from "the weirdest dream." First he explained his weird Scooby Doo dream, then he requested I sing Twinkle, Twinkle, followed by A, B, C's (his favorite songs). I asked him if he'd be able to sleep. "Ya. And sure hope I don't have that weird dream again." Me too, buddy.

Yesterday Suvi asked how a woman could get pregnant if she wasn't married. "The same way a married lady does," I answered in my most hopeful, dodge-y way. "Ya but how, Mom." We were in the car and Theo perked up. I was absolutely wanting to pull over and run away yelling lalalalala! I gave them the light science version of conception. It seemed to be sufficient for now...

Ach. Too funny. TOO FUNNY!!

Hope you get a few chuckles today too!

A sister for Sis

We have bunk beds for Theo and Judah. I wish Suvi had a little sister to love, to boss around, to annoy, to lean on. She has three brothers who adore her. And Jude will serve as a stand in when she needs someone to dress up. He usually likes to look like a wock staw (rockstar) or really handsome (NEVER cute). They put on shows, play super hero figures and Barbies. Suvi is teaching him how to write his name. Without her pushing him, he is satisfied with not knowing how. She makes him want to try. 

Their relationship makes me happy. They fight, too, don't let me fool you. But a brother who will let you slap some nail polish on his jagged, dirty 4 year old linebacker fingers? Ya can't beat it.

Fear based parenting

And by that, I mean I was afraid to wake the sick baby, so I slept with the light and TV on. I didn't want to change the environment at. all.

He slept all night. Sigh.

Time to take my temperature

Over the years, I've used this place to share my struggles with depression and anxiety. Today, as I was washing the tray on my dish drain, I realized, "hey, I'm washing this thing because I noticed it needed washing!"

You know, that kind of every-day thing was so difficult even 2 years ago. We had a clear dish drain tray. It had a lot of build up from our hard water. My husband wanted to pick up a new one, but I put up a big fuss. I did NOT WANT a new one. And I really couldn't keep the one we had clean anymore. I was emotionally attached to the dish drain tray. THE DISH DRAIN TRAY, you guys. Eventually I got a new, white tray. I clean it on a regular basis. And by 'regular' I mean quarterly.

I'm still a terr'ble house keeper. 

Thankful for regular, for quarterly, for walking out of the fog.

It's all me

The lady jammin to One Direction in her grocery getter

The lady making bread at 10:30 PM

The lady who almost sprinkled garlic powder on her cereal (instead of cinnamon)

Aaaaallllll me!

I'm sort of confused.

There is some battle happening on fb. One woman posted photos of her toned bod post kids, asking, "what is your excuse?" In response, many people have shamed her for sharing her perspective, her values. Today I saw yet another response rebuking this fit Mom, with a photo of her self, naked, soft, but not obese, body.

I just want to understand these women. The second is judging the first for wanting to push women to push themselves. The second woman felt judged by the first. You know what, Ladies? If you are feeling judged, you are exposing/protesting the wrong part of your body. 

If you perceive judgement, it is your brain that needs flexing. Why do you want to correct or hold yourself apart? It is trivial to me, who has been morbidly obese for the past 10 years. I don't make excuses; I don't make healthy choices. Do I get down about my cankles and my hanging belly? Yes. Do you, who gets out for walks every day & does not have a compulsion to eat fast food MAKE me feel bad? No. You might judge me, but that's your business. I totally judge fat people, too, but just in my head. Because we understand our weakness is visible to everybody. I am vain, too. I take selfies- just from the elbow up!

I hope to choose kindness. I hope to choose love. I hope to be generous. In my words, thoughts, and in my deeds. You know, Jesus was born in a lowly stable, amongst the animals. Maybe we can choose to set aside our pride, be gracious and grateful, and enjoy this beautiful season of love! Let's do!

 

Fit, Flabby, or Fatty- Merry Christmas to you!

4 Bells

There's a reason for everything.

I woke up around 3 A.M. and have not been able to fall back asleep. My hips are bugging me and I could not find a comfy position. Just as I was debating on toughing it out or moving to the couch (and the tv), Suvi came pounding up the stairs. She rarely wakes up in the night, but when she does, she doesn't like to use the bathroom alone. She drank a little water and sat down to do her business. In a panicky voice she said, "My throat feels weird." 

Ah yes, this was mother's intuition keeping me awake. I had to be available for the 4 A.M. puker. Poor little Presh. I am camping on the couch in case she needs me. And hoping to get sleepy again soon...

Eight from Twelve is IV

My Husband

His commute home today was about tripled due to the big clumpy snowflakes that fell down on us all afternoon. Instead of a nice hot meal and a hug, he was met with a desperate-looking, frazzled wife. He chuckled and went upstairs to change his clothes. After I finished cleaning up the broken silver tree ornament, I followed him up for more sympathy. He rubbed my back and my legs, covered me with the quilt, brought me the iPad and went back down to be with the kids. He ran out to get pizza for supper. Right now, he's pulling the kids up and down the driveway on a sled.

Of course, like everyone else, we have ups and downs (some bigger than others), but he amazes me with how he loves. I am so thankful for how he loves me.

Luckiest Kid In School

Theo met his teacher today. So far, I love her. He was happy to meet her, thrilled to discover some of his friends from kindergarten will be in his class. He said, "I am so excited I could explode right now." 

Seriously cute. I am absolutely thrilled that my kids are excited to start school. It was not the case when I was in school. Major anxiety and shyness. It just dawned on me that I probably should have waited a year to start kindergarten, because my birthday is in July (and i am still very immature. haha) I'll keep that in mind when it's Judah's turn. For now, we have an excited first grader and an excited kindergartener. Yeehaw!

Nice Voice

When my kids are talking sassy to me, I tell them to say it in a nice voice. Like this morning, Judah said, "Mom! I NEED chocolate MILK!" 

me: "Judah, can you say it in a nice voice, please?"

Jude: "Nice boice please."

Sometimes 3 is soooo much fun!

The ol' Switcheroo!

Judah writes with either hand.

i like these ol' beautes.

Suvi likes to use the camera.  you can see the reflection of her t-shirt in the window. i was just getting home from work when she took this photo.

today i have been a bit angsty, worrying about finances and the fact that judah needs a filling. he had an appointment last week, but wouldn't allow the dentist to even look at the tooth. it's 'L', for those of you who know your baby teeth. 

i heard the mail arrive and in it was some good, good celebration-worthy news for someone we love (we, as in my family in this house, not we, as in you the reader & i). also, we got the Valpak envelope & i wonder whether folks actually open &/or use the adverts inside. my heavy heart switched from worry and despair to tears of joy.  it's THE best kind of switcheroo.

Theo is at it again!

Theo and I put together another mini-movie: Lego Batman vs. Dr. Crane.
Spoiler alert: Batman wins.

Full and honest truth

I love Skip-Bo and I don't care who knows it. Theo beat me at a game tonight, then Suvi bailed midway on her game with me, but I played out both our hands & she also beat me. It makes me miss Magnolia Lane and Joni so much! Anyone up for a hand? 

Hey, how do you play Speed again?