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Monday, December 21, 2009

Heavy Duty

This year has been jam packed with teachable moments and ... well, opportunities to learn...more about myself.  This part of growing up, or maturing, or evolving, or opening up, has been rather uncomfortable, yet I am thankful to be experiencing these last 350-odd days.  I've always been very emotively driven to act, react, percept, review, and speak.  It is humbling to learn that others may not appreciate this part of me, especially since I feel it is the frame work for the other parts of me.  Oh, and Eat.  I emotionally eat.  There are times I just can't not eat.  Even though I UNDOUBTEDLY know that whatever it is that MUST go in my mouth SHOULD NOT, I eat it anyway.  I look forward to the day that this awareness helps more in  evaluating the hunger/emotion balance, or shall I say 'evaluate and wait.'  This hunger cue is typically missing; I've been abusing food for so many years, my body doesn't register hunger anymore.  Until I am passed hungry and in the "I'm getting sick" zone.  EXCEPT when I am pregnant: I get hungry and full quite reliably!  I still have plenty of emotional eating moments when I am expecting, but regulating my sugars also helps to avoid those panicy times of over-due hungry, and overwhelmed desire to eat. 
And I emotionally eat when overwhelmed by some of the life lessons that greet me.  A chance to know and grow.  Understand myself and others better, therefore creating a Better Wife for my husband, and an aware yet Work In Progress Mother to my children. 
2009 has been really difficult.  Learning is hard.  Homework sucks.  And there is no teacher to whine to, asking for an extension.  I have deadlines entitled "Theo" and "Suvi."  I gotta learn all this stuff so I can take better care of them.  They are excellent inspiration.  It is still hard.  They are delightful.  My husband is so amazing with them, and me.  My Mom is here helping us all the while.  New friends and my boss have given me some unbelievable and greatly appreciated gifts.  Those friends and their kindness have made my heart leap with joy, cry with humility, and quiet with gratitude.  Old friends have faced their own challenges of circumstance and personal choices, and their love helps me keep my chin up, especially with the knowledge of their triumphs and trials.  Great triumphs to spread hope and, yes, pride.  New bodies, coming to terms with missteps, expectations, today.  I have proved again how great my need is for my friends, how much I love them, and I am learning that they help me grow.
I am also learning that the middle of the day was perhaps not the best choice for a wordy post.  Theo has smashed cottage cheese into his new toy, and Suvi has spread the cottage cheese around the living room.  No wonder they weren't fighting--what fun!  Ah well.  It is easy to clean, and I needed to think about the reason for my heavy heart: lotta stuff in there.
Merry Christmas!  May God Bless you as richly as He has me!  And lets remember to give thanks. Lets remember each other, in times of celebration and sorrow, dear friends!  Thanks for a Heavy Duty 2009, and wishing you a Hearty New Year 2010.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Learning moments. Aren't they a gift?
THinking of you this Christmas....hope you are all healthy.

-B

MindiJo said...

I know what you mean. In the past few years, I feel like I've learned more than I did the other years I have spent on this earth. Or, more valuable lessons, anyway. Maybe I'm finally growing up!

May you have the Merriest of Christmases this year!

Joni said...

good one, jenny. Life is hard, I have learned to appreciate the learning, getting older and realizing what things are most important to me. I guess we can be thankful for our trials too, right?

I am thankful for you - I wish we could spend more time together, it would probably present even more learning moments:) xoxo

Leanne said...

Tonight, when the boys were in the bath and I was scrubbing the bathroom, I told them the Christmas Story. I told them how Jesus' mom, Mary, was pregnant and they went to a hotel. But the hotel owner didn't have room, but told them they could stay in the barn...etc.

I had kind of a moment after. A moment in which I realized, that they're not just going to *learn* these things; I have to teach them.

Sometimes that overwhelms me.

But we'll do it, you and I. We'll raise good men and women and we'll be very proud one day.

Keep on keepin' on, friend.

Elizabeth Halt said...

Learning moments. I feel like I've had enough of them this year to last a lifetime. Ha. I haven't even gotten to midlife yet. ;)

I am thankful for you.

Have a merry merry Christmas, my dear. Lots of love to you and your family. <3

Anonymous said...

It has been a year of learning and coming to terms with and accepting the person I've become and where my life has led me. Thank you for letting me sound it out in your chair............. Most of all thank you for your friendship.

Looking forward to the next session. lma

Julie said...

Those 'growing pains'... they're never comfortable or easy. I'm proud of you for being so honest with yourself and others. I've really enjoyed that in your posts this past year. Hope you have a wonderful, beautiful Christmas and let's all have a fabulous New Year! Cheers. :)

mella said...

"The Christmas season can ignite the spark that will lead us through the darkness of our own lives every day of the year. It is the light of Christmas within us that will take us, if we have the insight to cling to it, beyond a fairy-tale rendering of the great truths of the faith to an understanding of what all the dark days of life are about.

Christmas is not meant to leave us with nothing more than a child’s perception of what it means to see a baby in a manger scene. It is meant to take us to the level of spiritual maturity where we are capable of seeing in a manger the meaning of an empty tomb. It is meant to enable us to see through the dark days of life to the stars beyond them."
–from The Liturgical Year by Joan Chittister (Thomas Nelson) slightly adapted

Love you, dear friend!