LOVE has come for you.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

just keep swimming

i am really fighting myself this week.  there is a lot of yuck happening in my head--starting with the remnants of the infamous February Funk/virus.  maybe when my sinus situation clears, my pretty little head can stop fretting.

woke up with the bad taste of a bad dream again today.  i was at mari and tim's milbert rd house (they sold it and moved to the sticks maybe 5 years ago) with my husband and our pal jen aniston.  she had some other friends there- all with slender bodies.  anyhoo, as i was unwrapping and about to enjoy a bite of chocolate, one of the women said something to me about weight watchers. (basically a 'chow down, chubbo' kind of remark) i tried to push her down. literally. then i said in a loud voice to DH who was sitting across the room "WE'RE LEAVING."  I said to Jen, "Nice friends."  We hopped in our 1984 Buick Park Avenue and started up the street.  But were blocked by some type of youth gathering.  it was summer and these kids were dressed up with funny kinds of Christmasy stuff.  i just wanted to burn away, and we had to go so slowly so we didn't run over any teenagers.    Why does it feel so yucky in the sleep, but when I break it down in my waking hours, so ridiculous?  And why can't I shake that yucky feeling?  Anybody else ever feel weighed down by dreams?  I really think a shower will help.

This week I've been aching for friends.  I was very happy to see a couple-three gals in my salon chair this week.  Laura always pulls the goofy right out of me; thank you for the laughter, girl!  Catching up with my Tuesday night girl and Wednesday night girl (infrequent readers, but 'hi' if you are here today :) really did wonders.  And sweet Joni called me.  And a message from Mella.  Just what I needed!  I find it difficult to call a pal when I feel like crap a la poop sandwhich.  I don't want to whine to her. 

This winter is more oppressive than others for some reason.  Well, there are a lot of things shakin', which alone, would not shake me up, but so many little things together.  And really, our life is good.  Yes, we had the pukes and then this cold, but really truly, we are so very healthy.  There is always going to be something on our plate healthwise, but for now, we have nothing to worry over.  I am amazed at the stamina and consistancy and perseverence of the Mom's I know who have children with chronic health issues-- plus all their regular duties.  You girls are inpiring and so blessed with a special kind of strength.  In my own little weakness of self this week, I am humbled by your beautiful commitment to your babe to just keep swimming.  I'm going to keep my head above water over here in honor of you.  And this crying that I am doing at the moment is making my head clear a little! Bonus!

Yeah, I've been feeling a little lonely.  But I had some wonderful opportunities to connect with friends this week.  I was so busy wallowing I didn't realize it til now.  I think my Tuesday started on Monday and stretched til Wednesday.  Here we are on Thursday already!  Ya-ha-HOOOOOOO!  Rock on, Ladies.  Please send me some bright thoughts.  I can already feel the path clearing. (one more thing, I felt like I was wasting all this sweet sunshine we've been having this week because i felt like a hooded version of myself.  i'll enjoy it today.  wait....ahh.  just opened the curtains.  better. much much better)  The snow outside my window here is sparkly--kind of like my new bling-bling blow drier for work.  Yes, today i will just keep swimming!!!!


Julie said...

"Well," said Pooh, "what I like best," and then he had to stop and think. Because although Eating Honey was a very good thing to do, there was a moment just before you began to eat it which was better than when you were, but he didn't know what it was called. ~A.A. Milne

Sending warm and happy thoughts your way!

I couldn't help myself- even in a post when you're feeling down, your humor still shines through and I laughed. "Crap a la poop..."

And you aren't the only one who's pals with Jen in your dreams. Yep, I was good buds with her in a dream once too. :D

Happy Thursday. Almost Friday. :)

ethiopifinn said...

Smiles, Julie! And lest we forget, ALMOST M.A.R.C.H!!!! Yes!

Brita said...

I know what you mean about dreams. Bizarre how they can stay with you that way when the plot is so crazy. Recently, I had a grizzly bear eat me up and a tsunami wave crash over me respectively. I keep meaning to look those up in a dream book. Am I being swallowed up by something? Life is pretty high-stress right now with Hans in school. Maybe that's why.

But Spring is around the corner. Up here in the yoop, we become experts on how to make it through the long winter. I think the biggest thing for me is self-care. Even if you get out though, you'll be back home before you know it with your same old work staring at you. So I find it the most helpful to force myself to clean out junk and simplify around the house. Even one closet helps so much.

Thinking of you...

ethiopifinn said...

Brita--habtamu is taking two classes right now, too! and it isn't even the class days that get me. its the next day when i am exhausted. and there you are with a much larger crew to keep track of :)
i have been thinking about clearing off two areas in my kitchen--shelves of junk, that were once cute and just fun stuff. thanks for the thoughts!!

elizabeth said...

Sending lots of love and warm thoughts your way. If you ever want to whine to someone, my ear is available. I have a very hard time reaching out when I am sad or worried or .. because I don't want to be a burden or bring the other person down .. but I am working on that and the one time I managed to, it really helped. Yay for friends that reach out to you! :)

I love analyzing my dreams now. It makes them seem so much less yucky when I understand the message. Except when they're lovely .. and then I don't want to wake up. I had a really lovely one the other week .. that was one that I didn't even need to analyze - I got the message loud and clear - but the dream was so much sweeter in the presentation of the message. Now I try to make dream requests, LOL, so far no luck.

I wish I could send you some spring!

Joni said...

I do sometimes feel super heavy from dreams, but can't put my finger on exactly why - it didn't seem that bad, but just a general "evil" feeling underlying the dream. That stinks.

Stick it out Jenny! Sorry to cut things short, but didn't want to be late, I should've warned you:)

Jan said...

I still get high school nightmares. How bad is that? Some nights I progress to college nightmares- I can't decide my major and stuff...
Must be stuff going on in my head somewhere.

I think everyone must have lonely times, and I really think hormone stuff is a big cause. So cut yourself some slack. Allow yourself some weakness and don't compare yourself to others. We all have our burdens- who can say who's are harder? (this is all stuff I tell myself when I can remember to) so do something for yourself. Find a free concert to go to...

Leanne said...

I love your honesty, even if that honesty is blue. You are brilliant. It's a particularly hard winter for me too...but Spring will come. I promise.

I hope happiness finds you in great abundance soon. Muah.

Anonymous said...

Oh Jenny! I know what a after-dream-heavy-day is. I get those A LOT.
My favorite dream recently included my parents in a divorce! I woke up really freaked. Then I called my mom and we laughed about it.
Even in your funkish state you make me laugh. And that nekid squishy butt in the sand, ohhh, it makes me long for the beach.
Just think girl, days at the beach with kids are right around the bend.


mella said...

beautiful seasonal shots, love your eye for those unique icicle angles...
and I so love to read/hear about you, your life, and all things in relation...
Most nights I remember my dreams or some snippet from them, and yes, I can relate to feeling weighed down by them at times. I try to be neutral with my 'grain of salt' curiosity about them, and have found it interesting to research representational meanings if I think there's something there, but showers do do wonders.
I love how you stood up for yourself in your dream!
And may your pretty little head be finding peace, rest, and acceptance with the beautiful spirit that is you. Luvya!