Wednesday, November 10, 2010
handle with care.
Today is a bit of a recovery day for me. Life has been somehow busier than usual, and we had a couple of fun mornings with my Mom, Monday and Tuesday. The baby has been napping, so I switched on the computer to catch up with my literal virtual friends. I missed you. I've been online and pausing to read books and press 'play'. Yes, today is a movie day. I'm sipping some awesome smelling, make that aromatic tea, and healing.
I think it was those stressed out days of the last few weeks coming to a halt (not libby :). I'm a worrier and a teeterer...am I handling the family okay? what about the baby's head shape? why does he *hate* being on his tummy? is Suvi going to break her arm again? I can see Theo's ribs. Why won't he just poop and get on with it? does my husband feel un-cared for when he comes home to this messy house? is he feeling overwhelmed with the work/school/kid schedule? is my hair going to grow back? am i too vain? how is my Mom *really* doing? These are all worries of common folk, but it starts to weigh heavy on me. Then, somehow, it peaks and I feel the itchiness of worry falling away in the breeze. While I am still able to see the good parts of the day, those itchy things rage red at times.
This week, as part of my healing, I felt the glow of friendship. Two friends blessed me with some heart-to-heart time, and it reminded me I am NOT alone. L is the first letter in both of their names, which is fabulous, since Love also starts with L. Love is kind. We all have responsibilities to tend and thoughts to reign in and blessings to count. L and L shared trust with me and in that trust I see acceptance. They take me for me, and I am enough! It goes the other way, too, ain't it grand!
So my little heart is stitching itself back up. I'm finding more patience there, without so many holes for it to drop its contents like a Hanzel and Gretl trail, more love for my self to spread around. AIN'T IT GRAND!
Last week I met with some old college friends. I did a study abroad in Alnwick, Northumberland, that's England, Baby! 15 years ago. When I was 11. Teehee. And it was just wonderful to see the faces haven't changed at all, and the laughs were still there. And they didn't care about the ups and downs or ins and outs that happen in the years in between--not in the way that it worries me to think of challenges and mistakes that I met along the way. No, they knew me way back then, when I was a shy and silly girl of 20 (not 11) and they saw me again now, as I am, no explanations required. It was fun to get a glimpse of part of my past. When I got home that night the kids were all sleeping, and H was trying to keep his eyelids open til his bride made it in. I'd been giggling to myself as I walked back to my car from the party. I always left the party earlier than the others when we were in England, and I was usually the only sober one then, too. It was so good to see my old college/Alnwick friends, and so good to be back home in my own bed with my own grown-up life all around me. H soon fell asleep, and Judah woke up, needing a little time at Mom's Cafe.