happiness

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Sunday, December 26, 2010

down on the farm


We spend Christmas Eve at home, Santa fills our stockings while we sleep.  The kids woke up around 7:30 on Christmas morning, we started our Christmas morning with squeals.  It was a full hour before there was any whining or squabbling.  Thank you, Santa!  Habtamu gave me the camera that I've been lusting after.  I have to get back into thinking about my photos more...I've been having fun just playing around.  I usually have to pour over the manual when I get new electronics, but I just needed to feel the camera in my hands and get lost behind the lens.  Yes, I am a bit rusty, but it will be so fun to get loose again.
our tree is skinny.  like me in my dreams.

Theo got a bike for his birthday, and more tracks for Christmas from Ma and Dad. And blocks from Santa, who found them at the thrifty for a buck forty-nine.

Grammy gave Suvi an easel.  White board on this side, chalk board on the other.  She loves to color, and quite often on herself and the walls.  My Mom thought Suvi might be satisfied in expressing herself on the board; she loves it.  She also loves to use the markers on my dresser, her dresser, her brand new white vest, the wall next to the front door, and right before we left for Katie and Dave's, Judah.  Well, his white shirt.  See, I had planned to put a plaid flannel on him, but his chubby little arms didn't fit in the sleeves.  So I was thinking about what to toss on his little rolly polly sweet babyness while suvi was writing on her brother.  Markers have been confiscated.  No release date insight. 

There it is!

Look at all that color and the pretty lights :)

Dave had to feed Anderson's cows; he invited the kids to go along.  They were shy, so Daddy went, too.  Suvi rode with Auntie Katie.  Theo was thrilled to ride in the truck with no buckles.  I was happy to learn this after the fact.  This photo is from H's phone.

We had a Happy Merry and hope you did as well!  I've been mulling over some thoughts for posts... there just seems to be less time for blogging as of late.  What with all the snow and icedams and holiday prep and new work hours for Mom and Dad.  And watching Avatar.  Yes, I watched it.  Santa put it in my stocking.  (I usually find a few things for myself and put them in my own stocking.  This year I decided not to do it, and my sweet husband found a couple of flicks for me.)  Never thought I'd enjoy Avatar, but it was kinda good.  {Don't tell MOE I said that though.  I like to tease him about his nerdy movies.}  The other film (pronounced FILLum, like in England.) is The Godfather. Mafia movies. Fuggedabaadit. 

So the prezzies and the food and the family...all good.  One of my sisters had to work on Christmas, it was strange without her, but we were sure to be extra weird in her honor.

I didn't spend enough time thinking about the birth of my Lord and Saviour.  It is always in my mind, but the fun of everyday often takes over the reins.  "Long ago a star shone brightly, Leading wisemen from afar..."  It can be difficult to believe that God chose Mary to bring His Son into the world.  I look at Judah and think how did the King start off like this?  A helpless child, cooing and getting teeth, became the man on the cross...all for me.  And you!  "Joy to the world, the Lord is come!"

I've wondered if some people might feel themselves wanting to pull away a bit from my blog, or from me irl, since I've been rather open about depression.  I've wondered if some people think, in a way, that I am just making myself sick, just worrying, not trusting God to take care of me.  If you are reading this, and you feel some of those things...well, I am still the same person I was before I felt so burdened by depression.  I still pray and look to God for guidance and assurance.  "Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine!"  I'm not any stronger or less dependant on my faith because of depression.  I can't even put it into words to properly relay the way I felt and how I feel now.  Since I started my 'course of action', shall we say, it is easier for me to go to church.  I would just be so frustrated and angry with my kids for acting up, I couldn't stand it!  I think they weren't acting out so much as responding to the weirdness and crabbiness that had moved into their Mommy.  They were, actually, pretty naughty in church today, but it didn't put me out so much or ruin my day.  It was, after all, a beautiful day. 


10 comments:

Anonymous said...

What a fun Christmas! Santa found most all of our presents at thrift and garage sales......a wildly fun way of doing it. I think it was our best CHristmas yet.

Funny about Suvi. She wants to color the world! And baby JuJu there with his dimples, under the tree. Will you please Fed-Ex that kid to me? I need to squeeze his widdle chubby cheecks, mmmm!

I really appriciate your frankness and openess. If more people would talk about depression like it was a faulty gallbladder, we would all be able to heal quicker. Without shame. I have had to jump hurdles of shame.....but now when I feel stronger, I don't give a darn who I make uncomfortable. The people who squirm---do so because they haven't been able to come forward YET.

After an "episode" I always marvel afterward at God's teaching tools. He has a way of bringing us to our knees, so we can leave the rest behind and just Believe. Christmastime miracles!

OK OK. I will just write a book and leave you be. Merry Christmas, Miss Jenny.

-B

Jan said...

Glad your holiday was so good. Mine was too!
I think your blog is even more interesting since you write about depression, but then, I would.: )

Leanne said...

What a great post! What great photos! What a wonderful woman! (whew. that was a lot of excitement for a monday morning.)

1. I love your new camera and totally get just feeling it in your hands. What kind did you get? I've been doing that for 18 months now, but it'd def time to take some classes; I've reached my maximum natural potential, I think. :D

2. Shout out to Jesus on your blog never hurts! Don't feel guilty. You have three young children that need your attention all. the. time. If you think for a second that kind of intensity doesn't add to your stress (which leads to your depression), you're mistaken. In fact, I didn't fully realize how demanding it was having small children until I didn't anymore. Now that they're three and five...life is easy breezy. Give it another year or two and I think motherhood will feel completely different for you too. In the meantime, you know Jesus in your heart, and He knows that. I think raising up those children is a Godly effort, all in itself! XOXO

3. I couldn't love Judah's legs more. Seriously. They remind me so much of my chubby baby's legs. That's not something you ever forget the feel of. Thanks for sharing that bare-leg photo so I could remember my infants again.

Muah. Happy Monday. :D

mella said...

lovely post!

great double-header, avatar and the godfather... :) I finally saw them both myself recently...

the kiddos look enthralled with their up close and personal view of the cows eating, and the dog too!

so glad you blog about what is really going on for you, depression included. speak your truth...

have fun letting loose with your new camera!
love you.

Brita said...

Beautiful new blog, beautiful pictures, beautiful you!

Joni said...

Thanks for the great update:) I love seeing the photos, and hearing of you:)

elizabeth said...

Speak your truth, my dear. It's good to hear. Truth be told, I suspect no one is good at trusting God/the universe/what have you all of the time or even most of the time. {Ha. For myself, there is a reason why trust is my word for 2011 and why I am whining and moaning about how hard next year is going to be with trust as a word and how I may as well choose love and money too and have the trifecta of hardness all at once. ;-)

Suvi is coloring the world.

(Hey, my word verify thing is suzzifyi - kind of cute)

Anonymous said...

i don't think depression posts turn people off.
if people voice concern over your faith....well, maybe you could say "at least i know they care about me" or something like that.
i think everyone who reads this cares about you.
~ann b.

MindiJo said...

What?! Desert your blog because you have a normal life like everyone else? With ups and downs? NEVER! I love your honesty.

And your Christmas sounds amazingly wonderful. Way to go, H, getting your deserving wife a camera!!

I hope this next year brings you wonderful things, including a mini-van! And me, an SUV! Thanks.

Julie said...

Wonderful post. Always glad for everything you share!