LOVE has come for you.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

shiney, happy mommy

it is 11:09.
a) i just started up the internetmobile for the day
b) i haven't yelled at my kids
c) i ate a peanut butter sandwich in the kitchen while suvi and theo were playing in their bedroom and judah was eating his snack.
d) i love peanut butter.
e) the fact that it is poison to my son is not freaking me out as much, and maybe makes it taste better since i have to be so mindful of when i eat it.
f) suvi made a construction paper Christmas tree. so presh.
g) when my kids pretend to be robots, they speak in monotone and end their statements with a high 'beep' and a low 'boop'
h) the 'beep boop' makes me chuckle every.single.time.
i) i just had to say no to theo.  he commenced whimpering and begging.  i explained to him that if i changed my answer to yes, he wouldn't know when to believe me.  he actually stopped begging.
j) now he is telling me to type "I like to sing. I like to BeatBox.  I like Thomas trains, I have one of my own.  I also have Brio trains; I have more of them myself."
k) Life is all about the trains for Theo.
l) And...now I just yelled at him.
m) it is 11:24.
n) Theo changed the subject: he's just like his dad and his gram.  i'm glad he manages and finds his way to cope.
o) Sigh.
p) 11:31. guess what? the SUN is still shining!  the kids are getting ready to go outside.
q) fresh air and sunshine are key.
r) i am at a really doable place in my walk with depression. i have enough perspective now, that when i start to get that sinking i-can't-do-this-feeling, i know that i will indeed muddle through and i have a precedent of doing-this, so i make myself hold on.
s) i just want to point out a couple of links: Jenny's Light i have over there on the right.  jenny and her son are victims of  some scary post partum psychosis, or severe ppd. her twin sister becky started Jenny's Light as a resource for women who need help. (hometown girls, these are the gibbs sisters we went school with)
also, another link to choosing beauty, liv shares her own story as well as provides links for reference and help.
t) depression is not a sign of weakness. if you are struggling, please take care of you.  get help.  you are LOVED and IMPORTANT and NEEDED and PRECIOUS.  you will be ok.  just reach out.
u) theo and suvi are taking a swimming class on mondays.  my cheeks hurt from smiling at the end of the half-hour. it is so much fun.
v) the hubinator does not know how to swim. i have a pretty mean doggie paddle.  we want to take lessons, too.
w) earlier this morning, i noticed a butterfly-like shadow on the curtain, so i pulled the curtain aside slowly.  sitting on the screen was a moth dressed as a butterfly. judah and suvi and i watched it til it flitted off.
x) i stayed with the top of my head against the window enjoying the warmth of the sun.
y) after a few prods, suvi picked out her clothes for the day: rainbow tights and a sweater dress.  perfect for playing outside. heh.
z) just knowing that other moms get a little twitchy and itch for a little, shall we say 'focus' time, makes me feel better about my own desire to do a solo stint somewhere. i just love hearing people stories, and mommy-people stories.  i like to FEEL it and BOND.

it's 11:52.
i just tried picmonkey for the first time.  very similar to picnik, but maybe easier, cleaner & faster!

enjoy your tuesday.  or else!


Anonymous said...

my response to that picture was saying "oh!" to myself. I'll have to check out some websites...-jr

Gram said...

Wow nice edit! Also, liking that Easter dress.

Julie said...

Cool picture! I'll have to try the program. And I like the a-z bullets. :)

Anonymous said...

I am reading Jenny's Light....powerful. and sad.