LOVE has come for you.

Thursday, July 11, 2013

look up

This week I've been a bit under the weather. Leaving a trail of tissues behind me. Sniff, sniff. I do feel I'm on the mend, but in my stupor, I've felt a little current running to that quieter part of me. Quiet and still on the exterior, but thinking thoughts all over town on the interior.

I often feel this pull away from myself, that I might do better closing up those thinky parts, that the thoughts are bad, or unseemly, or irrational. Well, yes, the irrational, unseemly, bad parts of me do exist, whether I let them out directly or more commonly fight against them so that they tend to seep out into other, would-be brighter thoughts.  So this is where we arrive at the theory honesty is the best policy. There is a lot less guessing, more importantly second guessing, if I am truthful.

So, why am I using all these words when what I was really thinking/feeling when I opened this post is, I wanted to draw something light, pretty, summery. I had been enjoying, mostly, going through my Instagram feed. I felt my face smiling, I lingered over baby photos, flowers, artwork, beaches. I felt inspired to draw with the Paper app on my iPad. This was my first attempt:

Um, felt rather sad when I stepped back to look at my work. First, I had a huge Santa-esque beard (in brown). Second, the fun I had tracing my reflection...{{insert: I just set the iPad aside as I had a coughing fit and pretty sure I peed a little. This is a sexy, sexy illness.}}...as my tracings revealed a sad self-portrait.  My hair is really weird right now, but only in a quarter size section of my scalp. It just happens to be right at my part, in front. I see it on clients, too, so it's not so unusual. I've been aware if it this week, worrying.

My second attempt after some short "think happy" meditations is too boring to share. ! My third attempt feels more genuine to my initial intention, perhaps a more simplified, more satisfying result.

Look up. All this self-reflection gets oppressive, so I say to myself in this moment, "Girrrrrl, Look Up."


Elizabeth Halt said...

Ah, yes, Sometimes self-reflection is annoying.

Your Paper drawings always make me want an iPad. It looks like such fun.

Tara said...

I love your artwork. It tugs at something in my soul.