LOVE has come for you.

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

My list

It's short and pathetic and long lasting and redundant. 

Wanna hear it? (Again?)

Well, shoooooooh. Here goes!
-I completely suck at managing money
--and earning it
-I'm really fat
--and slowly getting fatter
---my son has commented on how fast I eat
---and his sister calls me Fat & Big Fat, daily when she's frustrated
-I'm self obsessed & 'helpless'

These are all things I can probably change, I can improve.  things I can make better, but they're always gonna be  challenges for me. it's part of who I am, and for now, it's literally weighing me down.

I had a no-show client today. And as I waited for my second client I could feel my anxiety rising. It was as if this client not showing up was like a personal rejection. In actuality, and I think that he is struggling with his own happiness and frustration levels at work and home, it's more of a reflection of his time management than an act of disrespect to me. But I felt like he was stealing from me. I felt guilty for taking time off (we were camping-it was LOVELY) last week. I was stressing about paying bills. About personal commitments I made for this week, thinking about how his generous tip would afford me those commitments. Plotting what I can sell. Questioning myself: if I have to be away from my family, why am I not doing all I can to earn more?

Then, I pulled out my phone, played a game (cut the rope) until my 2nd client arrived. She just got the news her hours are being cut at her job. Plus she has a sty and mono. Those are legit, out-of-her-hands problems. I'm just over here rockin my personal pity party for one. C'mon, Jennifer! Move your BUNS!


Brita said...

Oh, how I can relate to this post! I got complimented on how cute I was being pg the other day. Waaah!! I don't want to look like a cute pg lady because I am not pg.

Anonymous said...

well do I know the self-defeatist mental talk that keeps me buried under my covers instead of being the best me I could be. we need to work on it together, perhaps. Let's start with a big ol' shout out: I love ya, lady!
~ann b.

Jan said...

Is it August or what? Season change around the corner? 'Cause the last couple of days have been challenging, mentally speaking. And I have lots of excuses for it.
So, lets shake it all off, put a new tune on the phonograph, and dance.
Care to join me?

ethiopifinn said...

Aw, my girls make me smile with comradery! Ann, I love YA!

And I am shakin it big time! (Ok, so at the moment I am "napping" with Judah...)

Anonymous said...

I like you. You are my friend. And I, too know what all that self-defeating talk does....because it's an easy place for me to hide, too. But, your posts make me smile. I will repeat----I LIKE YOU! have a gooder day.


Julie said...

Money, money. If only it weren't so necessary! Hope things are looking up, dear one. xo