Is it wrong to say I would like to have a gathering to celebrate with people who love me, and people who love the people who love me whilst I am still here? Lol. If you know me, like I know I do, I like to be direct & straightforward. Let's act lovey and talk about the great things now, and say the hard stuff later. When I'm ten toes up.
I know death isn't funny, especially for the living. I've been to two funerals in the span of 24 hours, so it is on my mind. And it's making me think about how we love, how we relate, how we hurt, heal, or dwell. It's making me think about my sister who was on the receiving end of some pretty.heated.loud.feelings courtesy of yours truly. It's making me hope she'll want to talk to me again someday. Because life is fragile and there is a too late.
We all have our own pains and trials, foibles, moments we might rather re-do. There is no rewinding the tape, no do-over. Only I'm sorry and I forgive you. If we cling, dwell, ruminate on the past, it steals from us any joy, hope, growth, learning that can be lived today. There is value in owning our mistakes, mis-steps, in humbling our opinion. There is joy in forgiveness and compassion and even empathy.
I can't say I'll never let my hurts overpower my compassion again. I have hope that my words will be chosen carefully, considerately. That I'll be guided. That love will grow over the tears and bind together again the delicate wayward sisters. I have patience.
Funerals make me think.