happiness

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Monday, October 18, 2010

in a state of undress

I am really truly earnestly thinking about upgrading my camera in a big way...with that in mind, I decided I'd better be sure that I'm maximizing that camera that i *do* have, you know, the one I got for FREE and don't need to research or save a thousand smackers to learn how to use.  It is going places lately...in my diaper bag and my work bag. Since I am at least the third owner of this camera, it didn't reach me with the manual; I've just been monkeying around with it to see what happens.  It is a point and shoot, no manual focus.
   ANYHOO, like with everything I want to buy, anything that feels like a treat or a splurge, I've been weighing the value of both the camera in my sights, and, of course, me.  I'm so unbelievably conscious of the self-doubt and inner battle right now.  It pretty much drives me crazy.  You're probably sick of it, too.  Well, suck it, because this is MY blog. (See how tough I am?!)  Blah, blah, blah, the battle goes on...yadda yadda yadda, I still want a new machine.  And I plan to get one by my next birthday.  That gives me 9 months.  Well, I've certainly counted down that length of time before! 
Today we went to the park.  I needed to be in the fresh air, the kids needed to move around.  It worked, too, you know.  That fresh air dusted off the thick coating from the bookshelf of my brain.  By the time we got back home I identified the reason the park was so important.  Collecting photos on my memory card, optimizing the tools I have within my reach.   I got crabby and anxious just before we went to the park (prompting the park).  I was impatient and frustrated, but there was no real cause for me to be feeling/acting that way.  Then, BING! It hit me.  I realized what was upsetting me.  I didn't have to lose sleep over it, talk about it with 17 people 48 times, mysteriously blog--oh wait--just 3 hours after the incident, shall we say, my stress unveiled itself.  IN Three HOURS I figured me OUT!  That is record time, dude.  What does this have to do with the new hot rod camera awaiting me?
Had I not been motivated to take more photos before changing to a more complicated camera, I wouldn't have gotten outside of my melancholy this afternoon, I might have dwelled and stomped and huffed for days.  I made room in my brain for logic when I used it to frame out the world around me instead of glaring at the momentary dark world within me.  Dude.  I am so getting that camera.  It's gonna change my mind about EVERYTHING!!!!!!
Oh yeah, so the state of undress? Yeah.  The trees.  Leaves falling.  Walls around my heart falling.  You know the drill.  It is all magical and connected and I wonder how long it will take me to save for that extension of my EYE???!!! YIPEEEEE.

  **Among These Hills found a book I NEED to read.  And it just seems so completely in line with how out of line I can be.  Thanks, Jan, for linking the book, for your humor, and your A.R.T.

9 comments:

~ Junkyard Jennifer said...

It's amazing what a camera can do, isn't it? ;)

Are you getting a super-cool fancy-pants kind? I want one so bad.

~ Jennifer

MindiJo said...

Ooooh. That is going to be so much fun. For us, too. Cuz you see so much beauty in this world with your camera. I can't wait for you to share.

ethiopifinn said...

Jennifer- it is wonderful what a camera can do. :) i am hoping to get a SLR, and probably a canon, because i've always been a canon girl, but it may be time for a change. the jury is still out!

mindi--i KNOW!!! ;)

Anonymous said...

ok. Here's the thing. I saw the title and I had to waaaiiiit for the picture to unfold.

whew!

ha ha ha! -B

ethiopifinn said...

B- lol! missing you this a.m.

Brita said...

Great shots, Jenny!

Jan said...

I love the idea of the trees undressing. My simple camera has served me well over the past few years- I actually have used it way more than I ever used my SLR. It really was a nice way to "be creative" and keep using my eyes while I had no time for anything else. It sure made me feel better.

Good photos are usually the work of a good eye, not a good camera. Use the camera as confines to work inside.
Your babies will grow up and then your mind won't feel so dusty. I promise : )I think I am starting to dust off mine.

I hope the rest of the book is as good as the excerpt!

elizabeth said...

Some of my favorite photo-ers use Canon. I am occasionally tempted to switch myself, but I love my dear little camera.

Glad you figured yourself out! Also, I think I just thought of a post for my wellness blog thanks to you. :)

ethiopifinn said...

e- I sometimes forget to read your wellness blog! which i really enjoy reading, by the by. i must go catch up!

jan--you are so right. it is just as much what you see as how you capture it. i've seen beautiful photos from those oatmeal box cameras. process.

thanks, miss brita. er, missus.