Monday, October 18, 2010
in a state of undress
ANYHOO, like with everything I want to buy, anything that feels like a treat or a splurge, I've been weighing the value of both the camera in my sights, and, of course, me. I'm so unbelievably conscious of the self-doubt and inner battle right now. It pretty much drives me crazy. You're probably sick of it, too. Well, suck it, because this is MY blog. (See how tough I am?!) Blah, blah, blah, the battle goes on...yadda yadda yadda, I still want a new machine. And I plan to get one by my next birthday. That gives me 9 months. Well, I've certainly counted down that length of time before!
Today we went to the park. I needed to be in the fresh air, the kids needed to move around. It worked, too, you know. That fresh air dusted off the thick coating from the bookshelf of my brain. By the time we got back home I identified the reason the park was so important. Collecting photos on my memory card, optimizing the tools I have within my reach. I got crabby and anxious just before we went to the park (prompting the park). I was impatient and frustrated, but there was no real cause for me to be feeling/acting that way. Then, BING! It hit me. I realized what was upsetting me. I didn't have to lose sleep over it, talk about it with 17 people 48 times, mysteriously blog--oh wait--just 3 hours after the incident, shall we say, my stress unveiled itself. IN Three HOURS I figured me OUT! That is record time, dude. What does this have to do with the new hot rod camera awaiting me?
Had I not been motivated to take more photos before changing to a more complicated camera, I wouldn't have gotten outside of my melancholy this afternoon, I might have dwelled and stomped and huffed for days. I made room in my brain for logic when I used it to frame out the world around me instead of glaring at the momentary dark world within me. Dude. I am so getting that camera. It's gonna change my mind about EVERYTHING!!!!!!
Oh yeah, so the state of undress? Yeah. The trees. Leaves falling. Walls around my heart falling. You know the drill. It is all magical and connected and I wonder how long it will take me to save for that extension of my EYE???!!! YIPEEEEE.
**Among These Hills found a book I NEED to read. And it just seems so completely in line with how out of line I can be. Thanks, Jan, for linking the book, for your humor, and your A.R.T.