happiness

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Thursday, February 24, 2011

thrice

i'm giving it up.
i'm giving up on my fifteen minutes.
oh no,
there isn't an offer, but
i am preemptively passing.

i've been hearing and participating in some
blossip recently
it won't leave my head.
(and you know if it is in my head,
it might fall and land in my heart.)
i'm sorry to those of you i've blossiped about
i'm sorry if i wrote a blog post about you,
i'm sorry my openness makes you uncomfortable.

i wonder,
why are you here,
then?
strange, isn't it,
to pass along what you've heard,
recount that which you've read,
editorialize
on my
(yes, it *is* mine)
life
which includes great happiness and
plenty of struggle.

i've born a babe
thrice.
i've invited you in
thrice.
i've experienced major clinical depression,
and lived to tell about it,
thrice.
thrice you've judged.

yes, you are entitled to your opinion.

and you, you there, are so kind to use such
sweet words
thrice.       you, complimentor,
are super encouraged
(while encouraging)
to voice your (completely and totally gifted and astute) observations
as much as you please.

but i've noticed,
the mentions to me of mentions of me
are there in my brain.
not causing pain,
but there.  so
you can keep it
you can keep it
you can keep your 15 minutes.
i couldn't handle the mentions of my mentions.

even at a whisper.

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

I would like to comment, but am not quite sure...jr

ethiopifinn said...

hey jr!
is it too weird?

it's just that three times lately i've heard what people are saying about my blog, and it isn't all bad or negative, and it isn't making me feel bad, but i just could never handle fame, i've realized, because i keep thinking about what people have said.

the negative/critics, well, who needs 'em. (kind of)

but the positive feedback, even, i keep thinking, what can i write that will match the previous satisfaction of my reader, how can i produce clever-enough thoughts to fullfil the expectations?

although i do like the compliments, i have to remember to write in the language i am most fluent, and for me. even if some people think it's too revealing, too self-centered, too funny, too brilliant...
haha.

xo!

MindiJo said...

I read this post. Read the two comments and reread it. I get it. I know what you mean. Sometimes it is hard to reveal yourself so much. Right? It's intimidating from time to time. When people say mean things, well... that sucks. They suck. Been there. Done that. But the people that love you and your writing, (I actually wrote "righting" first. It fits.) love you and your writing. While this is a personal struggle that I understand, I'm begging you not to deprive me of your beautiful words and glimpses into *you*. I'm an addict. An Ethiopifinn addict. You write so beautifully. Share it with the world. Please. Thanks. (I just had to confidently thank you.)

MindiJo said...

AND. (as I read it again for the third time) Those of us that love you and encourage you will never find your words less exciting than they once were. Because you aren't becoming more boring with each passing day. Au contraire~ you are becoming more fabulous.

Anonymous said...

I get it. I do:) -jr

Sharyn said...

Mindi said it so well. while I'm not normally a ditto person, I'd like to say what she said. and if one more person does the same, we'll have said it together - thrice.

Jan said...

I think I am lost. Which is okay. Really. All I can say is that if someone gives you a compliment, all you have to say is "thanks." I am trying to get used to that myself.

Brita said...

I'll thrice Mindi's thoughts. Especially the AND part. Much love.

Anonymous said...

Can I fourth Mindi's words? The joy I get from reading your words........well, let's just say "phooey to you nay-sayers!"

I like you, Jen. -B

ethiopifinn said...

jo-knee: ;)

mindi, sharyn, brita: thanks. really!

(mindizzle--(don't know why i sometimes *have* to call you that) i heart "righting". that kind of word play makes me haaaaappy! :)

jan: you being lost is cracking me up right now. girl, you are on a trail with a map and that is just wonderful. no need to follow my wanderings! ha! and you are right, thanks has its place.

ethiopifinn said...

B! we're online at the same time. i likes.

Laura Jean said...

It can take one person to hurt us. It can take one comment, one judgment, one critique to upset our heart. Remember, with that one little person, there are TONS of us who love you and love your writing! Never stop being your wonderful self! :)

MindiJo said...

E- Well, I quite like when you call me Mindizzle. Don't stop.

Tara said...

I have to say that Mindizzle and I have talked about your blog, mostly because Mindi drools over your writing and wishes she could write just like you. She is totally addicted to it and in love with it. I think we've talked about it...thrice? :-)

ethiopifinn said...

tara! hahahaaaa! oh, you made me smile, then you made me laugh. thanks. ;)

Anonymous said...

Jenny, I think that anyone that has an open blog is brave! It's kind of like living without curtains, in a way. The risk of criticism is hopefully overshadowed with an increased connection to your friends and loved ones. But since I don't have one, what do I know? I'm only speculating... :)
Love ya!
Ang

ethiopifinn said...

ang, right on, sister!!!! :)