happiness

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Thursday, September 29, 2011

windy windy

I've been writing a lot lately.  Upstairs in our new bedroom it is very relaxing and quieter and less distracting.  i am writing away up there nearly every day.  it's great.  heartfelt, angsty, funny, juicy...
i am writing it in my head; none of it has made it to paper or screen.  it's like trying to hold water in your hands, what doesn't splash out leaks through my fingers. ;)

life with our newest arrival continues to be good.  she has recovered from a cough, and rested up; we are encouraging her to do a little more for herself.  my darling sister in law is now in her second week of class,  AND back to work in the evenings, which means she starts off around 8 am and gets home at ten minutes to eleven. P.M.  she is making her mom's breffy and coffee and sometimes lunch everyday before she gets herself ready.  without question and without complaint.  she has a servant's heart.  i can hear her washing up the couple of dishes that were in the sink.  wow.  i am happy they are here.

however... my head is full!  i am a weird kind of tired.  it's really no...what is the word...well, trouble to have our VIP, yet being conscious of one or two more people sharing this living space...it's weird.  it takes up room in my brain.  i am not even complaining.  it's just a strange feeling.
i'd hoped having our ayat here would fill this little gap in my heart. alas, it happened again.  yesterday, at the orchard, (it was a preschool trip. we got there late, so it became mom and the three kids trip) we were looking at goats.  suvi and theo were up to the fence, judey in the stroller.  i realized i was looking around because i had that feeling someone was missing.  nope, 1-2-3!  all three here.  when i was younger i would have dreams and sort of sensations of holding a baby.  they started when i was about 18.  i would just have this longing to have a baby on my shoulder.  now and again i get this feeling like there should be one more little shaver hanging on my legs.
too freaky?
well, halloween is almost here.
hmm.
it's kind of like that feeling you get when you walk into a room and forget what you went in there to do.  it's not that three isn't enough, it's more like there is room for one more.
i can't burp the VIP on my shoulder, or carry her on my hip, or put cute outfits on her.  i tried to do that, but she hasn't tried on the cute clothes i found for her at costco.  i can, however, enjoy her while she's here.

and if having her here keeps my  brain going, it also keeps me off the couch, and my chin up.  i'm getting a little bit more done, and tooting much less.  yeah, this is not the kind of mil you just let one rip in front of.  is there such a mil?  well, off to bed.  i gotta get my beauty rest, write more fabulous invisible posts, and reboot the head!

PEACE! xo jt

10 comments:

Brita said...

What a way with words you have!

MindiJo said...

You DO need another babester. You and the HH make BEAUTIFUL children. Trust me. The world needs your babies!

Anonymous said...

We need to figure out a way to wire your thoughts onto this blog. A portal. -jr

Jan said...

Ahh, I can so relate, words slipping through your fingers...paintings and drawings do that for me, words too.

I can rip big ones in front of my mil. I think she enjoys it, as it means she's free to do it in front me, too. And she'd be in pain if she couldn't. That's just the truth.

Anonymous said...

jan, i am just trying to imagine you blasting one.
i can't imagine it.
thankfully!!!!!!
-ethiopifinn

Jan said...

oh, boy.
you don't know me as well as I thought you did.

Leanne said...

Awesome. Totally and completely awesome. I read it twice, just for fun. And a hug to you for the parts wherein you suffer. <3

elizabeth said...

I have beautiful posts floating in my head all the time. And then I try to put them to paper. Like the one I am working on now. It made such flowing sense in my head. On paper, it was quite possibly the most rambling mess I have ever written. I hope they invent the device that transcribes our thoughts soon. (Wait. I just realized there is lots happening in there that should not be transcribed. Forget that idea.)

It would be hard to have a gap in your heart. xo

Jan said...

Got a fun package in the mail today! Sadie was so excited too! She even asked if she could save the envelope, because it was so fun.

Thank you!!!!

ethiopifinn said...

yay! i was thinking it would arrive on tuesday. i liked that envelope, too. enjoy your treats!!