LOVE has come for you.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

i hot glued my finger this week.

that was exciting.
i freaked my kids out pretty good with that one.  and maybe myself just a tad.  i ran to the sink to run cold water on my poor, poor middle finger, and i couldn't get the glue off.  this created a bit of panic within. and without.  after what felt like 45 minutes, actually only one minute, i was able to peel the glue off from my finger tip and out from under my nail.  that's right.  under.my.nail.  folks, i'm just going to tell you right now: DO NOT HOT GLUE YOUR FINGER, NO MATTER HOW FIRED UP YOU ARE ON MAKING ROSETTES.  lesson learned. 
in the end, it was a phone call to my mom that brought some solace to my kitchen, my kidlets, and my poor, poor, blistered fingertip.
 'put it on ice, or in ice water,' she said. 'it's the only way to really stop the burning.' 
'but i ran it under cold water for a looooong time already!' i whined.
'well, you have to use ice.'  thanks, mom.  lesson learned.

i read somewhere this week, okay fine! i read on facebook this week that 'some people come in our lives [blah, blah, blah, for some nicey-nice thing] and others come in our life to teach us a lesson.'
dude! i get it!  enough with the lessons, already.  i'm 36 years old and i had to call my mommy to tell her about my booboo.  do you think these lessons are going to get through this noggin?  sheesh.

aaaaaanyhoo.  can i just say one thing? (do any of my peeps remember when we used to say that all the time?)  some of the ethiopians i know say this: let me tell you SOMEthing.  and then they lay it on you, some kind of explanation or truth they were hoping they wouldn't have to say.  it's a good warning, a person can brace themselves for whatever might come next.  or they might just say, you are the most wonderful, talented, hot mama on the planet.  now THAT never gets old, does it.  um...
now i forgot what one thing i was going to say.
huh. bugger me.
see, my hubbinator called mid paragraph, and my brilliant idea faded off into the night.  shucks.

oh wait now.  here it is.  i just put on the finnish bra and my train of thought got right back on track.  you see, i miss my blog.  you know, my old blog?  filled with angst and emotion and overjoyed and such like?  sigh.  i've just been wanting to be focusing on 'up.'  i'm feeling pretty normalish lately, but i do have these gut wrenching questions about life, i want to talk about them with you, but i can't.  i am worried about... what you might think.  (hello? ya, hi.  this is jenny, and i am in 7th grade.)  so.  let me tell you something.  i am worried that if i post more emotive thoughts, you will think that i am in a deep, dark, depressive slump.  and i am worried you won't want to hang out over here anymore.  in general i am feeling normalish and pretty good.  thinking, emoting, analyzing, wondering, probing...all things done by me for as long as i can remember.  i used to write my poems and watch my friends read them.  remember girls?  i was so into being me that i couldn't even be self-conscious.  makes me smile now, how earnest that jenny was.  and innocent!  too funny.  here i am with this fabulous method right here in my living room and i am feeling insecure. oh for crying out loud.  so, i'll push myself to tell you something.  and i'll either forget that you are reading, or i'll sit next to you and read it over your shoulder.  'kay?  and if i'm on a bit of a darker line, i'll just write it out and you can know that i'm okay. 
because i am a TERRIBLE liar, so i'll pry tell you i'm mud puddle dwelling before you have time to guess. 
alright then.  so we are agreed.  i'll be me and you be you.  and if you are in my life to teach me a lesson of sorts, LAY IT ON ME.  I am stronger than I think.

love you, then!!
(and yes, i do know i've had to have this conversation with you before.  sometimes i like to remind you of my foibles) silly quirks.
my client tonight mentioned how she felt she was in the eye of a hurricane.  life swirling and falling apart all around her while her own heart and home are peaceful.  it's exactly how i feel right now.  with all the recession talk, the unemployment, the housing market, divorce, deception, fear...i don't know why folks want to invite chaos.  i really don't. 
if you know me, you know that i can't quote you scripture yet i cling to the cross, i doubt, and rejoice in grace, i want to keep my heart clear and grateful and open and working in love.  i have learned recently, that living what i believe can be challenging.  it is so hard to live in forgiveness of other's weakness.  i've not been truly tested in this area until now. 
i try to stay away from the gossip and divisiveness that comes along with my dear community (any small community).  there have been rumors and whisperings going on for some time (aren't there always?), but i told my friends not to tell me what people were talking about.  i know that it's hard for me not to let what other's say affect my thoughts and opinions, so i try to choose ignorance to keep my opinions my own. 
it happens, now and again, when i have to be on the listening end of a "let me tell you something."  it's hard to be strong in my convictions.  i can see how Big Terrible Things can tear families apart.  it's really, really hard to get our mind to go along with forgive.  i say a prayer tonight to ease my heart of the pain of hearing, and to soften the hearts of those who are struggling with this same trial of not only accepting the grace gift of forgiveness, humbly, but in honoring the gift and living it.  i pray that families be mended, that we can lift up our heads and be joyful in the peace and beauty of today, of this moment.  yesterday is done, who knows how many tomorrows will arrive, be thankful and humbled in the simplicity of now, of Love.


Carol said...

Such a beautiful, thoughtful prayer.

Brita said...

You made my day with this post. I love how you avoid bitterness and fear. And I love your belief in all things good and your strength in God.

Anonymous said...

FANtastic post!!! There is so much ick all around but inside my bubble, I feel safe. Ignorance IS bliss :) If only I could shut off my ears like I would like to. Hard to do...... Amy I

Tina said...

That is a beautiful prayer.

Jan said...

I am so human. My thought was "who the heck is getting a divorce?"

I am truly nosy like that, although I like to think it is because I feel compassion for my fellow humans.
Actually, it seems like now I have to read sheriff's reports and court proceedings, and write about other people regularly, I am not so interested. Like you point out, there is so much of it.

And it is so nice to read about faith and forgiveness. It is so hard to hang onto it all the way through the week, isn't it?

I am so glad you could use that Finnish bra!

Sharyn said...

I want to know more about the Finnish bra. Do I dare google?

I love the part where you wrote that you try to stay away from the gossip and divisiveness that comes along with any small community and how you try and choose ignorance.

That is something my mom (your first comment today) and I have talked about a lot. I like my little spot on the outskirts of the community because then my heart stays in the same place and doesn't become too involved with other peoples heartaches and hurts. I want to always form my own opinions and yet I am often so easily taking on other peoples hurts and heartaches - I suppose in some weak feeble effort to take away some of their pain. I wonder sometimes if I'm cowardly, staying on the outskirts like I do - but I've learned through past experiences that it's best for me, and I'm content.

We need to meet someday, miss Jenny. Your posts often have me feeling like I want to give you a hug and then race you to the water.

ethiopifinn said...

jan, you made me laugh. i would have wondered that too! curiousity is such a powerful thing ;)

sharyn, i'm pretty sure jan is the one who pointed out the finnish bra to me: arms crossed over chest. ha!
and, i will race you to the lake one day. soon.

MindiJo said...

ohmygoodness. Seriously. I heard something today that I sort of wish that I didn't. I've had these thoughts so much lately. It is so much easier to form your own impressions and opinions, untainted. I try really hard to not let things people say to me cloud my judgement. (About other people) I do, however, try to tuck it away in the back of my mind and use it with caution. It might be legit.

And please, always be honest. It's refreshing. And it is what makes your blog so wonderful.

Sharyn and E, you must meet. You would really like each other. Seriously. You both are pretty wonderful.

elizabeth said...

I like to know things. I am nosy. Er, curious. ;) But I also like to not know things. But I also like to be the person that people feel safe enough to tell their stories to. Because if I have a superpower, it is that I am good at helping people feel safe enough to be vulnerable, and we all need that sort of space. Wait, maybe that's it. I want to be that person, but that is very different than participating in something third-hand. And I do want to practice truth and kindness/non-harming, even if I am not always there.

Sue said...

Don't go changing for anyone, embrace the woman you are and the 7th grader you aren't...you're opinions, doubts and worries are part of you. And we like you...and when we finally meet, I'm gonna race you to the water, too!
You are right about not knowing what tomorrow brings, we all have a choice how we spend today. I find it easier to forgive and have peace in my heart than to constantly stir the embers of bitterness and hatred.

My old friend, Billy Dean, once sang this song...

Only Here for a Little While

Gonna hold who needs holdin'
Mend what needs mendin'
Walk what needs walkin'
Though it means an extra mile
Pray what needs prayin'
Say what needs sayin'
Cause we're only here for a little while

Today I stood singin' songs and sayin' Amen
Saying goodbye to an old friend who seemed so young
He spent his life workin' hard to chase a dollar
Putting off until tomorrow the things he should have done
Made me start thinking "What's the hurry, why the runnin'?
I don't like what I'm becoming, gonna change my style
Take my time and not take it all for granted "
Cause we're only here for a little while

Gonna hold who needs holdin'
Mend what needs mendin'
Walk what needs walkin'
Though it means an extra mile
Pray what needs prayin'
Say what needs sayin'
Cause we're only here for a little while

Let me love like I'll never see tomorrow
Treat each day as though it's borrowed
Like it's precious as a child
Whoa, take my hand
Let us reach out to each other
Cause we're only here for a little while

Anonymous said...

I never have anything to add. Just letting you know I do still come here and read, so I can get a bit of you since I never see you in real time.
~ann b.

mella said...

it's canadian thanksgiving this weekend, and can i just say how much i loved being asked to read your poetry... thank you... your delight was contagious... reminds me of maya angelou saying how people may not remember what you said or did, but they will remember how you made them feel... well, i felt like a part of your world in that way, and it's a similar feeling from your blog... a good one... xoxo!

Anonymous said...

I have thought more than once over the last how many years, "I would love to read that poem of Jenny's about the butterfly again". Did you read on my face that I wanted to have more time with it? -jr