happiness

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Thursday, April 19, 2012

suggestive

what is it that makes me believe the perception others hold of  me
what is it that makes me think that they are so obviously right
what is it that makes me believe that others perceive me negatively
what is it that makes the breath, the walk that is mine stop.
what is it that makes me follow instead of forge ahead.
what is it that makes me go back.

if i keep saying that i cannot ever finish something i start, then i cannot.
if i tell myself that i cannot be successful, then i cannot.

i spent time wallowing today.
i spent time pity partying today.
i cried.
i cried in the gynecologist's office. in front of the doctor.
i cried on the table in the gynecologist's office when the doctor asked about my legs.
i cried on the table in the gynecologist's office when he asked me whether i have a plan to address my weight.

do go and get your pap.
do ask for help.
do not be ashamed.
do get the annoying and ugly skin tags removed from the under arms.
do not wear deodorant until those spots are healed.
do drink lots of water so the pits don't stink.
do allow the doctor to help.
do follow his suggestions.

it is hard to do what is right and best.
it is hard to cry in front of anyone, let alone the freaking gynecologist.
it is possible my medication is not doing enough.
it is hard to start exercising.
it just takes one step at a time, one day at a time.

16 comments:

Sue said...

sending you a bushel of *hugs*

Jan said...

I have written and deleted lots of words here in this box, because none seem to say much.
Just know that I am thinking of you, and that YOU are worth it.
And I like you even if your pits happen to stink.

Anonymous said...

Wish I was better at sending inspirational words of love. But I'm not. So I'm just sending love.
~ann b.

Anonymous said...

"Someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger. But THEY WILL NOT BE YOU!"

Please remember that. You are a great mother, wife, daughter, and friend. Don't let anyone tell you differently. You are an amazing women!!

Emily said...

Love you!

MindiJo said...

do be good enough for yourself, my dear. do recognize your beauty, inner and outer.

sending you love. lots of it.

Anonymous said...

I don't know what it is like to be you, but I do know what it is like to be me, loving you. Thanks for being so courageous:) -jr

ethiopifinn said...

joni, {{SQUEEZE}} i was really missing you this week.

Laura said...

It's hard.
It's all really, really hard.

xoxoxo

Julie said...

...one step at a time, one day at a time (words from a wise person). xoxo

Julie said...

(the wise person meaning you. just making sure *you* knew that you are wise. and so full of goodness.)

ethiopifinn said...

julie-lol! and thank you, lovely lady.

Anonymous said...

Allow yourself to Believe
In which we all perceive:
A most precious friend
You are amazing, Jenny

Fuddy

ethiopifinn said...

aw, fud. love ya!

Tara said...

Oh, big hugs and love, thinking about you and rooting for you!

elizabeth said...

Love, love, love to you.