LOVE has come for you.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

break's over.

got time to lean, got time to clean.
reality bites quote. david spade. winona rider. hilarity ensues. 

I really didn't take advantage of the August Break the way i'd hoped...I would have liked to spend more time enjoying the other breakers. BUT, I also learned that I really have been missing words.  sharing them, reading them, even misspelling them. Word up.

I wrote a letter to an old friend last week.  I even planned to mail it, but weighing the contents, i thought it best to wait one day before sending it on its merry postal way.  then i reread after 24 hours and thought perhaps i'll just mail the second half there, the rest is to me-ish.  then after 48 hours, i realized that letter needs to find a holiday gas station trash bin sooner than later.  People, can you please tell me why I am compelled to have such strong opinions on how you live your life? Sheesh.  Nooooosey.  It did feel good to write the letter.  I'd been thinking those thoughts for quite some time, now, and my brain needed to air itself out a bit.

Hey. Wanna know who the addressee is?
Now YOU are being the nosey one.  And I, Pinocchio, am not telling.  (not Pinocchio/liar, Pinocchio/nose. more like Cyrano, but not for romance, again, just for the nose) But I will include a portion of the letter here, just because I love telling folks how they should run their life.  I am, you realize, a 35 year old mother of three, and I. know. EVERYTHING.  (as an aside, does it bug you when people complain, and then...give you every reason why they can't change the situation and explain that it is just inherently horrible, and they are meant to suffer because life stinks and they are a tragic victim of unforeseeable events? like, say, rent. or, um, housework.  humidity, even.  humidity is a cruel joke on them alone, and no other person could ever possibly understand the effects of humidity as they, alone, have had to withstand. {this rant is totally unrelated to the letter, but i wanted to get it off my chest.} *shrug*) So. About living your life right now, taking action, making decisions...
..."I know you will not do anything. Anything. you don't want to do, or before you are ready, but I just want you to know that You Are Amazing.  And the other is Wonderful.  Together you could be Mr and Mrs Amazing and Wonderful.  {okay. not the letter here. why don't we just step back from our fears and focus on the good God puts in front of us.  yes, i do think some fears are certainly worth weighing, some choices require more consideration.  its not all "mayo or miracle whip." clearly sometimes the answer is mustard, but if we get our thoughts and our hearts agreeable to God's will, good things can happen.  Amazing and Wonderful things.}  Serious.  I hope you know how much I wish good things for you.  If you are saving for a certain dollar amount, or waiting til the time is right, stop.  If you wonder what sort of {insert life label here: mother/wife/hairdresser/photographer/lawyer/teacher/friend/husband/father} you would make, stop.  If you think children are scary, you are right.  If you are hesitant about sharing your life {or plans, hopes, dreams} with someone when, sometimes, life is dark and overwhelming, know you are not alone.  God is always on your side...
  "It is never the perfect time or the exact right circumstances.  {there is always something we give up when we make a choice...you can't take two roads at once, except where they merge, but then you must decide again.  Like in marriage...}...There maybe days when you don't want to talk to your spouse, or days you can't seem to hold each other tight enough.  {or days work is so dull or pointless, and then, bright inspirational heart expanding days}  I believe that there are seasons in relationships--times when your spouse might lean on you more, and times when you need your partner to hold you up.  It isn't always easy, but it is honestly so good to know one other person in this world loves you so out of control much.  I don't believe that there is only One True Love.  Maybe there is.  But I know that marriage is a gift and a benefit to my life.
"There is really only one thing you have to ask yourself before you go any further:  Is it love?  ..."

In this letter I speak of marriage as a point of change, but really any major life path comes with some sort of loss.  We cannot move left and right at the same time.  You cannot be a parent, and live the same type of life you do when you are living a single life.  You cannot live in Minnapolis and Finland at the same time.  You cannot eat every delicious cake you bake and wear skinny jeans.  You cannot experience your own Biggest Challenge, if you live under it.  You must move forward.  Time does not wait for anyone.  I am not so naive to think that wanting to make changes and making them are equal in ease.  I do think that most everything we need is right under our nose {again with the nose}, whether we choose to engage all the dials at once, one by one, or at all.  Life is here, and you are in it.  When you are green, you're growing; when you are ripe, you rot.  (Wayne Grund) Live green.
  Please, please, my darlings, don't rot on the vine.  So, someone might eat you, or can you, if you leap from the vine, but just hanging out doing what you have been doing will lead to an overripe fruit, and DECAY.  Eew.  Then what kind of pick wouldja be?
  I remind myself to keep moving, open my self to the changes that are surely ahead, and hope my dear friends can make the best life choices possible, to keep green, keep growing.


Amy said...

Hi Jenny,
I think this is a phenomenal post. I've been leading existential therapy group during my rotation last month, and this just struck a chord with me... I love that quote... If you're green, you're growing. If you're ripe, you rot. I hope you don't mind if I use it in the future with an acknowledgement to you. :)

Anonymous said...

i am blessed to be miles ahead of everyone by the fact that i do not desire to wear skinny jeans. ever. i like my baggy ones.
~ann b.

ethiopifinn said...

Amy, Thank you. :) I heard that quote from Wayne Grund. I should have given him credit...i'll do it now. He is a big time hair guy from Canada. He has been a hairdresser for many years, with a chain of salons in Saskatoon and other cities up there. He has started two lines of hair care products--he's a mover and a shaker.
Ann, puh-leeze. You make me LaUgH!

Anonymous said...

I am secretly hoping your letter was aimed for someone dear to me. Gosh, I know it can't be true cause I don't even know you, but I can't help myself.
This post has touched me to the bottom of my heart, for many of those words are things I wish this dear one would hear. From someone.
Cause everytime we get too close, dear one seems to find excuses to push me away and I am not sure how much this old heart of mine can take anymore.
Thank you for your wonderful words!

Anonymous said...


I am glad you wrote the letter anyway. It helps to put a finger on what you are feeling, even if you don't send it. I've written these letters too. Some of them I get downright MEAN just to get the words out of my head! Then I burn it. It is healing.


Julie said...

I'm so glad that the letter did not find a Holiday trash bin before you shared this post. It really spoke to me. Looooved it. :)

I go through spells where I just want to be FREE(!!!) and spontaneous. I feel guilty for it. We sacrifice pieces of ourselves when we are in relationships and/or have children but I would never give up what I have now for that 'freedom' feeling 24/7. You know? I love the routine- sprinkling brown sugar on the boys cereal, the first glimpse of my hubby when he walks in the door from work, rocking the boys while reading to them ...all of it. It fills my heart like nothing else. Any small sacrifice is ultimately worth it. But it ain't always easy. *Sigh.

"I don't believe that there is only One True Love."

Psst... I'm the queen of believing in fairy tales and I don't know if I believe that there is Only One either.

Julie said...

Lol. Not that I have back-up husbands, I'm just sayin' that life isn't perfect and things don't always go as we hope. Which man was The One for my grandma? Husband one or two? ;)

ethiopifinn said...

annonymo, thanks for stopping by. wishing you peace!
B--i can't get myself to actually write the mean ones...but i compose them in my head, for sure. Jerk faces. ;)
JULIE! I miss you. I totally love that first sight of my husband getting home from work. He takes the bus, so I keep half an eye on the window. I love when I see him walking up the block. "Oh, *there's* my missing link!" And I have those, dowhatIwant fantasies--especially when i'm tired. they usually involve marlboro's, too. (no raw milk, tho) back up hubby-BWAHAHAHA!

Brita said...

Well said!

MindiJo said...

Wowzer! Izzy likes to know if it's just a "wow" or a "wowzer" when she does something. This is a Wowzer! Your words are wonderful. I like your photog, too. But your words! Oh, your words! Don't ever deprive the world, mine and theirs, and your words. Thanks.

MindiJo said...

And I hope Anon. isn't talking about me... tee hee.

Leanne said...

Hey, welcome back! You were missed! This was a such a touching post. And so were the responses! I don't believe in one true love either. My fairy-godmother-on-earth (I should blog about her) once told me that she read that a woman can love one in seven men. I have no idea if that's true, but my point is: I already have loved more than one man. I married the one who is best for me. :)

Thanks for bringing your words back.


Joni said...

You are somethin else:)

elizabeth said...

Have you heard the Sara Bareilles song, King of Anything? I've been enjoying it lately. I thought of it when I chuckled over your line about having opinions.

I do agree with you that there is never the perfect time or perfect circumstances. Do you know many times I think, "What if I had stayed for another few months, think of how much more I would have had in savings .." Except what if I had .. I would be thinking the same thing, just that many months later. That being said, I suppose there are times and circumstances that might work better than others - for some things anyway.

Ha. I do want to wear skinny jeans. But I also believe that when I can, I will be able to still enjoy every cake I make. :)

I think about freedom often. I am 100% sure that the reason I am so resistant to the idea of a relationship is because I cannot see how one can be free and still be in a relationship, and freedom is one of my top values. (Actually, I suspect that I am not alone in this at all, but that many people don't actually realize what's going on.) Part of me knows that I can have both - it just might look different - but it's not really at the top of my list of things to focus on right now. It'll come ..

Glad your words are back. Love them, as ever.

ethiopifinn said...

thank you, all. it was really difficult for me to try to do a photo focus for august. I am not that fired up on my camera, but i'm more just in a strict documenting stage right now. i gotta remember what we are actually doing, and i want to remember those darling faces of the kids at each minute of their days.
i would like to write more often, but first, i'm going to read about writing. or just read.
The Help is next.

And Joni, you make me laugh. It takes me 250 words to say what you can do in four. love it. and you! and, when, pray tell, will we see your blog? it would be so great. a post a day of your wisdom, what text you are studying, and here and there a wordy post. get to it!

Joni said...

I can only commit to giving it some thought. I would love to have a writing outlet, but I've always been pretty private (haven't I), so I'm not sure how I would handle the pressure (from myself) and I'm not confident I could be as pure as you are when it comes to putting myself out there. Sometimes I'm not comfortable with how much I put myself out there on your blog:). The last thing I will claim is to be wise, but it would be fun to attempt wordiness once in awhile. I sometimes do have some thoughts floating around up there. How am I doing now?

ethiopifinn said...

j-thatz what i'm talkin' about