a walk to the park on sunday afternoon.
a neighborhood coming together (i hope the train traffic doesn't increase...it shakes our whole house and wakes sleeping children)
the changing leaves
friday, even after blowing off some steam in that last post, i was still feeling stressed, anxious, frustrated...what ever you want to call it. ugh. there is just so much going on right now...i've been so tired...it is difficult to sort it all out. some of the complications: we thought we might be feeding Judah too much because he is pretty big. he's so good and cute, he has a big tum-tum. i am breastfeeding, but he would usually get a formula bottle in the evenings, especially the nights that i work. he gets a bottle o' mom's special, yet quite often, probably every evening i work and some that i don't we gave him formula. he slept through the night. well, now he doesn't, because we are trying to make sure he is on a schedule, not just a little piggy. our doc TOLD me not to worry about it, since we are breastfeeding (not to regulate on demand feeding), but to remember that while the other kids needed a little extry, the judinator seems to be JUST FINE. long story long: i am not getting as much sleep as i did even 2 weeks ago. so i drink more coffee during the day, which makes for less sleep at night. AND, boring long winded explanation continues, are you still with me, who doesn't need her sleep?
we have some other junk ($$, client calling me at home to complain about the customer service at the salon, listing all the ways it is a horrible place and how she is being retaliated against and that she'll have to go somewhere else...what? just go then. dang! sigh, clutter abounding, suvi falling down all the time, winter approaching and my garage is too full for a car for the 3rd year in a row, leaking shower) happening too, but everybody does, it just gets to me when i am so stinkin' T-I-R-E-D.
yeah, that is all rumbling around in my brain on and off every day. after i was done with my clients on friday evening, the fun of working started to switch places with the stress of living. i went down stairs to the meditation room, well, okay, it is a WC, to "study". nothing was happening, tho' my body was telling me that something should definitely be moving...i was too stressed to poop people. there. i said it. all of that beating around the bush to tell you: i am, indeed, a tight ass.
what i do when i get too anxious is concentrate on my breathing until i am lucid enough to pray. so i prayed on the potty. right there in the salon basement, i sat with my bloomers at my ankles and i prayed! after everything was said and done, i felt much better all around, thank you very much. i collected my pump, purse, and twelve dollars in "optionals" and headed out to the car. I found a beautiful sky...i love a pink sky. I made a stop at my favorite retailer (think bullseye) where i found the long sleeve white t-shirt H had asked me to keep and eye out for. when i got home-i found a heart in the sink (while brushing my teeth). the part of my prayer asking for a peaceful heart was answered immediately. and i saw some good in this dog pile of a country.