on the mend--rough draft

never knew
   it could go this way
   the way of the mend
my mind my mantra my mood
my heart

wound (wownd) so tight, wrapped, warped
warned
warmed

it was effortless
uneventful even

after so many years of holding on to the hurt and shame and anger and shielding and fearing
i am on the mend
giving way to kindness in memory,
    releasing my hold
it doesn't have a hold on me
--surprise--

maybe the learning how to love as mama
living with love as bride
may be seeping in and loosening the tendons
teaching me the wholeness
mending the whole mess
witness

sending out the complicated net of gratitude and apology and appreciation
releasing the regret
yes, i see you there, Situational Experience/Series of Wounded Choices
you served your purpose in demonstrating weakness
that i might show, grow in kindness, understanding
     in demonstrating sadness so i recognize joy
     in living transgression to tip me to repent, knowing forgiveness
  forgiven
     in moving and darkening me in chaos so that i find gratitude and seek for
peace

a quiet heart to mend and know
    it's all a work in progress
    rough draft
a peaceful mix to blend and grow