happiness

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Tuesday, May 24, 2011

doozy

Can I be perfectly frank?  Which means imperfectly perfectly.

Ya, so here's the thing (I hear my children saying this phrase rather a lot.  It and they make me smile.): I am not operating overtly motherly today.  More like a lazy babysitter; everyone is safe and fed. And pacified.  Even the "babysitter". 

I've been reading Geneen Roth's book, Women Food and GodI can feel my life changing already, and I haven't even finished yet (i haven't finished the book, and i am certainly not done living.  it sort of felt that way, tho, because i was feeling so burdened by my weight--shame and physical pain, and i felt trapped by the self-fulfilling prophesy of telling myself how fat I am.)  Somethings do, you know, they do just absolutely seem doable with just the right spin on it.

Stop gaining weight by not compulsive eating.  Feel what I am feeling, or trying not to feel, and ask myself if my body is actually hungry for four muffins in a row without coming up for air, or if, perhaps, there is something else going on.  I joined WW, again, for the 3rd time in 10 years.  And I ordered some books and I created a profile and I tracked my points for breakfast and lunch.  Breakfast and lunch on Friday, May 13th.  I just couldn't make myself log back in to that website.  I just couldn't look up one single point value or enter any recipes or stop going to the kitchen.  So I gave myself a pass for that weekend, and told myself I would start the new week with a fresh outlook and find my way back to the path of portion control and ... general control?  That was 2 Monday's ago, of course, and no more tracking has been done by Frank, or by Jenny.

When I bought Roth's book last week, I wondered how much of a self-help book I could take.  And I knew it didn't really matter, since I am a weak and dreadful person, at least when it comes to taking care of myself, my body, and it was probably just another one of those indulgent wastes of money I seem to be so good at finding.
Meh.
I was wrong, tho, yo?!
Word.
I really really like the book, and I'm sure I'll have times when I ignore any knowledge gleaned from said read, but it is certainly a positive seed.  Yeah.
Go, Jenny! Read your book! Go, Jenny! Yeah, yeah, Go, Jenny!  Feel your feelings, don't feed them.  Go, Jenny!  You're okay, now. Go, Jenny!  He-ey!  Permitter, compulsive eater in the ha-ouse!  Put the cookie down.  Go, Jenny!
Sometimes it's okay to be your own personal cheerleader.  Promise.

I am GRATEFUL to have been introduced to the book over here.  She's so smart, that Among These Hills author.  I like her.
*Remember to get in on my general gratefulness by entering my drawing on Judah's bday post.*

Yesterday I offered a cookie to Suvi.  She declined because "it hurts my mouth."  "Mine, TOO!" I exclaimed, but it hadn't occured to me until that moment to not eat a cookie that hurts my mouth.  Seriously.  LISTEN to your body, dudes.  Suvi is a beautiful teacher.  It was a doozy of a lesson.

8 comments:

elizabeth said...

I enjoyed the book. It all makes such sense to me. Not that I get it in my body totally yet, but I'm getting there. I don't feed my feelings that much anymore, but I am still a by-the-clock eater (as in, if I'm feeding Atlas, I feel like I should eat myself, because it's time and because it's more efficient to feed us both at once :) and I still have a hard time not finishing food (because of hearing that it's wasteful ..).

Jan said...

YES!
I am working on it!!!!!!
Perfect lesson from Suvi, I would've never thought of it before either : )

Anonymous said...

liked this post. may i help cheer you? would you cheer me, also?
~ann b.

Anonymous said...

Go Jenny! Go Jenny! Suvi is so smart! It took me 25 years to figure out why I don't like hershey's kisses - the shape is so uncomfortable in my mouth - and that's why I take them off those delicious cookies I love, before I eat them...(I haven't read the book, I'll take a look:) -jr

Jan said...

This morning I was again thinking about how I start eating before I get to the table...taking bites on my way there. I KNOW I don't taste and enjoy those bites...

ethiopifinn said...

Jan, I've even noticed my posture at the table...like I'm defending my space at the table. Actually, at a friend's house for lunch a few years ago, i saw one of the other ladies hunched over her mounding plate, head down, both arms on the table. it really struck me. and it made me sad.

MindiJo said...

Go, Jenny! I must read the book to understand all the comments, I think. I'm so nosey sometimes.

Anonymous said...

Looks like I have another book to put on my list. I don't even taste food.......I eat until I feel sick, in fact, I realized the other day that I feel nauseous all the time. And, I too, start eating before i hit the table.

-B