Can I be perfectly frank? Which means imperfectly perfectly.
Ya, so here's the thing (I hear my children saying this phrase rather a lot. It and they make me smile.): I am not operating overtly motherly today. More like a lazy babysitter; everyone is safe and fed. And pacified. Even the "babysitter".
I've been reading Geneen Roth's book, Women Food and God. I can feel my life changing already, and I haven't even finished yet (i haven't finished the book, and i am certainly not done living. it sort of felt that way, tho, because i was feeling so burdened by my weight--shame and physical pain, and i felt trapped by the self-fulfilling prophesy of telling myself how fat I am.) Somethings do, you know, they do just absolutely seem doable with just the right spin on it.
Stop gaining weight by not compulsive eating. Feel what I am feeling, or trying not to feel, and ask myself if my body is actually hungry for four muffins in a row without coming up for air, or if, perhaps, there is something else going on. I joined WW, again, for the 3rd time in 10 years. And I ordered some books and I created a profile and I tracked my points for breakfast and lunch. Breakfast and lunch on Friday, May 13th. I just couldn't make myself log back in to that website. I just couldn't look up one single point value or enter any recipes or stop going to the kitchen. So I gave myself a pass for that weekend, and told myself I would start the new week with a fresh outlook and find my way back to the path of portion control and ... general control? That was 2 Monday's ago, of course, and no more tracking has been done by Frank, or by Jenny.
When I bought Roth's book last week, I wondered how much of a self-help book I could take. And I knew it didn't really matter, since I am a weak and dreadful person, at least when it comes to taking care of myself, my body, and it was probably just another one of those indulgent wastes of money I seem to be so good at finding.
Meh.
I was wrong, tho, yo?!
Word.
I really really like the book, and I'm sure I'll have times when I ignore any knowledge gleaned from said read, but it is certainly a positive seed. Yeah.
Go, Jenny! Read your book! Go, Jenny! Yeah, yeah, Go, Jenny! Feel your feelings, don't feed them. Go, Jenny! You're okay, now. Go, Jenny! He-ey! Permitter, compulsive eater in the ha-ouse! Put the cookie down. Go, Jenny!
Sometimes it's okay to be your own personal cheerleader. Promise.
I am GRATEFUL to have been introduced to the book over here. She's so smart, that Among These Hills author. I like her.
*Remember to get in on my general gratefulness by entering my drawing on Judah's bday post.*
Yesterday I offered a cookie to Suvi. She declined because "it hurts my mouth." "Mine, TOO!" I exclaimed, but it hadn't occured to me until that moment to not eat a cookie that hurts my mouth. Seriously. LISTEN to your body, dudes. Suvi is a beautiful teacher. It was a doozy of a lesson.
Ya, so here's the thing (I hear my children saying this phrase rather a lot. It and they make me smile.): I am not operating overtly motherly today. More like a lazy babysitter; everyone is safe and fed. And pacified. Even the "babysitter".
I've been reading Geneen Roth's book, Women Food and God. I can feel my life changing already, and I haven't even finished yet (i haven't finished the book, and i am certainly not done living. it sort of felt that way, tho, because i was feeling so burdened by my weight--shame and physical pain, and i felt trapped by the self-fulfilling prophesy of telling myself how fat I am.) Somethings do, you know, they do just absolutely seem doable with just the right spin on it.
Stop gaining weight by not compulsive eating. Feel what I am feeling, or trying not to feel, and ask myself if my body is actually hungry for four muffins in a row without coming up for air, or if, perhaps, there is something else going on. I joined WW, again, for the 3rd time in 10 years. And I ordered some books and I created a profile and I tracked my points for breakfast and lunch. Breakfast and lunch on Friday, May 13th. I just couldn't make myself log back in to that website. I just couldn't look up one single point value or enter any recipes or stop going to the kitchen. So I gave myself a pass for that weekend, and told myself I would start the new week with a fresh outlook and find my way back to the path of portion control and ... general control? That was 2 Monday's ago, of course, and no more tracking has been done by Frank, or by Jenny.
When I bought Roth's book last week, I wondered how much of a self-help book I could take. And I knew it didn't really matter, since I am a weak and dreadful person, at least when it comes to taking care of myself, my body, and it was probably just another one of those indulgent wastes of money I seem to be so good at finding.
Meh.
I was wrong, tho, yo?!
Word.
I really really like the book, and I'm sure I'll have times when I ignore any knowledge gleaned from said read, but it is certainly a positive seed. Yeah.
Go, Jenny! Read your book! Go, Jenny! Yeah, yeah, Go, Jenny! Feel your feelings, don't feed them. Go, Jenny! You're okay, now. Go, Jenny! He-ey! Permitter, compulsive eater in the ha-ouse! Put the cookie down. Go, Jenny!
Sometimes it's okay to be your own personal cheerleader. Promise.
I am GRATEFUL to have been introduced to the book over here. She's so smart, that Among These Hills author. I like her.
*Remember to get in on my general gratefulness by entering my drawing on Judah's bday post.*
Yesterday I offered a cookie to Suvi. She declined because "it hurts my mouth." "Mine, TOO!" I exclaimed, but it hadn't occured to me until that moment to not eat a cookie that hurts my mouth. Seriously. LISTEN to your body, dudes. Suvi is a beautiful teacher. It was a doozy of a lesson.
8 comments:
I enjoyed the book. It all makes such sense to me. Not that I get it in my body totally yet, but I'm getting there. I don't feed my feelings that much anymore, but I am still a by-the-clock eater (as in, if I'm feeding Atlas, I feel like I should eat myself, because it's time and because it's more efficient to feed us both at once :) and I still have a hard time not finishing food (because of hearing that it's wasteful ..).
YES!
I am working on it!!!!!!
Perfect lesson from Suvi, I would've never thought of it before either : )
liked this post. may i help cheer you? would you cheer me, also?
~ann b.
Go Jenny! Go Jenny! Suvi is so smart! It took me 25 years to figure out why I don't like hershey's kisses - the shape is so uncomfortable in my mouth - and that's why I take them off those delicious cookies I love, before I eat them...(I haven't read the book, I'll take a look:) -jr
This morning I was again thinking about how I start eating before I get to the table...taking bites on my way there. I KNOW I don't taste and enjoy those bites...
Jan, I've even noticed my posture at the table...like I'm defending my space at the table. Actually, at a friend's house for lunch a few years ago, i saw one of the other ladies hunched over her mounding plate, head down, both arms on the table. it really struck me. and it made me sad.
Go, Jenny! I must read the book to understand all the comments, I think. I'm so nosey sometimes.
Looks like I have another book to put on my list. I don't even taste food.......I eat until I feel sick, in fact, I realized the other day that I feel nauseous all the time. And, I too, start eating before i hit the table.
-B
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